12 Signs Of An Unhealthy Emotional Attachment

12 Signs Of An Unhealthy Emotional Attachment

Are you sure your relationship is healthy? That might sound like a weird question, but let’s be real: sometimes it’s a blurry line between a healthy and unhealthy relationship. While being emotionally attached sounds like a good thing – it makes you think of having a strong bond with your partner – there’s a catch. There are unhealthy attachments that can snake their way into your relationship, making it toxic. Here are 12 signs of an unhealthy emotional attachment to keep an eye out for so you can nip them in the bud.

1. You’re Extremely Jealous.

How green-eyed are you? Do you feel extremely jealous when your partner mentions a female co-worker or says he texted a female friend? Or, is he the jealous one, making you feel like you can’t have any male friends without him losing his cool? Jealousy is insecurity, and it can wreck your relationship. It’s linked to possessiveness, the feeling that you have to grip onto your partner tightly for fear of losing them. Look, it’s impossible to trust each other if your relationship’s riddled with jealousy and fear.

2. You Want To Be Around Your Partner 24-7.

You might want to be with your partner every day ’cause they’re great, but it’s not healthy. You both have your own lives to lead outside of the relationship. If you’re shutting yourselves in your own world and you don’t have time for your friends, family, or career, your emotional attachment is unhealthy and wrecking your life. Your relationship should fit into your life, not be a hurricane that sweeps it away.

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4. You Want Your Partner To Meet All Your Needs.

Here’s a nugget of truth: you can’t expect your partner to meet every single need. That’s why you need other people in your life, like your bestie who’s always ready to listen to your drama even if she’s heard it a million times before. It’s unrealistic to expect your partner to know what you need. It’s even worse if you’re expecting them to read your mind. Clinging onto this idea can make your relationship unhealthy and filled with conflict.

5. You Check In With Your Partner Throughout The Day.

It’s cute to text your partner during the day if you miss them, but if you’re doing this too much it can start to become unhealthy. You could be checking in with your partner because you don’t like being without them or you’re worried about where they are or if they’re lying to you. Yikes.

6. You Forget About Your Needs.

If you’re always prioritizing your partner’s needs instead of your own, you’re neglecting what you need. This is like getting onto the highway of disappointment and, sorry, there’s no turnoff. Over time, pushing your needs aside can build resentment and leave you emotionally drained. It’s all about your partner and what they want, but what about you?!

7. You’re Terrified Of A Future Without Your Partner.

Do you ever stop and think about a future without your partner? If you love them, you’re obviously going to feel sad about the thought of a future breakup. But if you can’t imagine your life without your partner at all and you have a full-blown panic attack at the idea, you could have an unhealthy attachment brewing. It’s healthy to tell yourself that you’ll be okay no matter what happens – because you will. Have the self-love and confidence to back yourself on this.

8. You Avoid Emotional Intimacy.

Intimacy in relationships is more than just about physical intimacy. Having emotional intimacy is just as, if not more, important. If you’re not connecting, there could be an unhealthy attachment, such as if you have an avoidant attachment. This type of insecure attachment is when you struggle to get close to someone. So, you might avoid sharing your thoughts and feelings with your partner, which can cause you to feel lonely and your partner to feel rejected.

9. You’re Restless When Alone.

When your partner’s out of town for a few days, do you struggle to focus on your career and life? Although it’s normal to miss your partner, it’s unhealthy if you can’t seem to do anything without your partner being around. Remember that you still have a life and it matters! Put your phone in the other room and get stuff done.

10. You’re Always Rescuing Your Partner.

Your relationship should be fair in that you both support each other. If you’re doing all the supporting, to the extreme of rescuing your partner from their problems, you might start feeling like a parent or babysitter instead of someone’s GF. Ugh. It’s also unhealthy if your partner’s taking all your resources and you never get anything in return. Hey, if you have to work so hard to keep them around, it’s not worth it.

11. You’re Painting Red Flags Green.

When you’re dating someone, you can’t ignore those red flags that show up. If you’re in an unhealthy relationship, you might be trying to ignore those warning signs that your partner’s wrong for you, like if they’re sometimes rude to you or go AWOL once in a while. Don’t pretend that you’re in a healthy relationship, because it won’t last – and you’ll put yourself through tons of stress that’s bad for your health.

12. Your Relationship Has Extreme Highs And Lows.

It’s normal to experience highs and lows in your relationship, but if they’re extreme it can be worrying. For example, if you and your partner can go from being loving to having full-blown toxic fights within half an hour. Then, five minutes later you’re talking about getting married. Yikes. Things aren’t consistent and you could be in a negative pattern of loving and hating each other.

13. You’re Planning The Future Right Away.

Did you start your relationship by planning your future with your partner? Maybe on your second date you were already planning a two-week vacation or planning a trip for your partner to meet your family. Woah. Although it can be tempting to get caught up in the rush of a new romance, you don’t want to run through all your relationship milestones too fast. Holding onto future plans can be an anxious attachment sign that causes stress when you really should be enjoying the early days of your love. Now stop running and take a deep breath!

Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.