You’ve set firm boundaries, but some people just keep walking all over them. This isn’t on! If you allow it to happen, you’ll be pushing your needs aside and sending them the message that they matter more than you do. Enough is enough. Here’s how to respond to people who cross your boundaries and disrespect you.
1. “No.”
Here’s the thing: you don’t have to say anything more than “no” if you don’t want the person to disrespect you. Seriously, you don’t have to explain yourself, especially if the person’s being rude and you suspect that they don’t care about what you have to say.
2. “I don’t like that.”
You can nip someone’s disrespecting behavior in the bud by saying that you don’t like what they’re doing. Let them know right away that what they’ve done isn’t sitting well with you and you’re not going to put up with it.
3. “I’m not going to change my mind.”
The person might test your boundaries and they might do this because they don’t like that you’re setting them to respect yourself. It’s good to have a phrase or sentence you can keep saying so that they know you’re not going to budge, such as “I’m not going to change my mind on this.”
4. “This is important to me, because…”
It might help the other person to understand where you’re coming from. This is a good strategy to use with someone who you really care about and you know they feel the same. Explain why the boundary is important. For example, by saying, “Having time for myself after work where I don’t respond to any texts is important to me because I need that time to restore my energy.”
5. “If you don’t respect my boundary, then…”
Someone who keeps violating your boundaries needs to know that there are consequences if they don’t stop. For example, you could say something like, “If you don’t respect my boundary of not drinking, then I won’t be able to hang out with you again.”
6. “I need…”
Focus on expressing your needs to the person, which can also help them to better understand why your boundaries are important. So, you could say something like, “I need a bit of time to think before we take the relationship to the next level” or “I need to say ‘no’ to your request for money because I need to be financially secure.”
7. Â “I feel…”
Explain what the person’s violation of your boundary does to you. Focus on your feelings and stay calm. So, for example, you could say something like, “I feel ignored when you disregard my feelings” or “I feel anxious when you don’t respect my need for some alone time.”
8. Or, say nothing!
You don’t have to interact with everyone who disrespects your boundaries. If someone is being rude or ignoring your requests, you don’t have to say anything. Ignore them and walk away! Consider what value they bring to your life and if you even want them to be in it.
9. “Let me reframe the boundary…”
Sometimes, what could happen is that the other person doesn’t respect your boundary because it’s too vague. So, by reframing the boundary, you can make it clearer. For example, if you previously said, “I need a bit of space” when you were feeling stressed, you could reframe the boundary to be more specific, such as by saying, “I need a bit of space to process my feelings.”
10. “Let’s talk about this a bit later.”
Whenever someone disrespects you, it can make you feel angry. And, their emotions might also be running high. So, the best course of action is to take a step away from the situation for a while. Schedule a time later in the day when you can chat about things with a clear head.
11. “Maybe we shouldn’t talk about this anymore.”
Perhaps a new boundary to set with this person is that you won’t talk about specific topics in the future. This can help you to prevent arguments, especially if the person just doesn’t see where you’re coming from on one specific issue. A typical situation in which this strategy could work is in the office, where you have to maintain a professional relationship with them.
12. “Tell me why this upsets you.”
It can be difficult to do this, but you can help the situation by trying to better understand why the other person is upset by your boundary. Give them a chance to talk about what they feel and be open to their point of view.
13. “My needs matter.”
After you’ve heard the other person, they should do the courtesy of listening to you. If you can feel resistance, state firmly and clearly that your needs or boundaries matter. If they can’t understand that, they’re disrespecting you further.
14. “I won’t be guilted into changing my mind.”
Some people who disrespect your boundaries might try to guilt-trip you into changing your mind or removing your boundaries. For example, they might give you the silent treatment or tell you that by not helping them you’re making their life harder. But don’t let them affect you! Stick to your guns on this.
15. “I stood up for myself, so I’m the bad guy, I guess.”
Using a bit of humor can sometimes work in stressful situations. If you say something humorous/sarcastic, such as, “I stood up for myself, so now I’m the bad guy, ha ha ha” you can get your message across that you’re standing up for yourself, while also showing the person in a light way that your boundaries are going to remain in place. You can also use a statement like this to make the person realize how they’re making you out to be the bad guy, when you’re not.
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