The older you get, the less tolerance you have for drama — it starts becoming embarrassing and pretty draining instead of entertaining. While conflict is an unavoidable part of life, drama certainly isn’t. If you’re also looking for a way to ensure your life is as peaceful as possible, consider implementing these small but meaningful habits to keep your life on a more even keel.
1. You Don’t Overshare On Social Media.
When you were younger, you probably used to blow off steam in a shady post, and it wouldn’t be long before your phone started to blow up. That doesn’t fly once you’re an adult. People who are drama-free are very careful about what they post on social media. You’re free to share updates about your life, but captioning an Instagram post “finally dating a REAL man/woman” when you reveal your new partner while your ex or their friends are still following you is a sure way to spark some drama. There’s really no need to use it as an online diary.
2. You Communicate Respectfully.
No matter how valid your feelings are, if you come in guns blazing when something goes wrong, the other person will get defensive and refuse to hear you out. People who are drama-free communicate with others in a direct, clear, and composed manner. Say exactly what happened without leveling insults or bringing up irrelevant past mistakes just to make them feel worse. Definitely don’t start yelling at someone in public to humiliate them — pull them aside and calmly tell them why you’re upset.
3. You Don’t Stoop To Anyone’s Level.
It’s incredibly frustrating trying to work on an issue with someone, only for them to handle the conflict as if you’re still in middle school by spreading rumors or trying to force mutual friends to take sides. It’s tempting to stoop to their level and give them a taste of their own medicine. Sadly this just escalates things. Stay composted and let them at it; people will eventually see through them — and if they don’t, they weren’t real friends anyway. (BTW, if you want to start having healthier romantic relationships, check out our sister site, Sweetn. They have research-backed tips, tricks, and tools that can help with that.)
4. You Don’t Gossip.
People who are drama-free don’t gossip. If someone is coming to you to trash talk someone else, they’re almost definitely doing the same about you behind your back. Or worse, they’re trying to get you to say something mean about someone else so they can tell them and start a fight. If you have a problem with someone, say it to their face, otherwise, keep your mouth shut.
5. You Cut The Chord.
Something that will minimize the drama in your life is changing how you view friendship breakups. Chances are, you only end a friendship when it’s beyond saving, so you shouldn’t treat it as a “fight” or a “falling out.” It’s a clean break and you move on. In my experience, when the other person knows it’s over for good, they go away quietly. If not, don’t be afraid to use the block button.
6. You Set Boundaries.
Sometimes drama is the result of people not communicating their boundaries and expectations. While you might think a certain boundary is obvious, unless you directly told someone about it, it’s not. Your friends can’t read your mind. It’s not fair to fly off the handle if they make an honest mistake. That said, people who are drama-free know the difference between a boundary and a command or being controlling. A boundary is telling a friend you’ll cut them off if they pursue your abusive ex; a command is deciding red is your color and no one else is allowed to wear it.
7. You Say Nice Things About People Behind Their Back.
Speaking negatively about people behind their backs, even if how you feel is justified, is a sure way to cause drama. If people who are drama-free are going to talk about someone when they’re not around, they’ll say something nice. This builds a good rapport with people and doesn’t leave you feeling icky, so it’s a win-win.
8. You Have Reasonable Expectations Of People.
Sometimes drama isn’t the result of any wrongdoing, but someone having unreasonable expectations or needing to adjust their expectations. It’s valid to be upset if your friends let you down, but sometimes you need to ask yourself if you expect too much before accusing them of being the worst. The downside of adult friendships is that you won’t have nearly as much time to chat or hang out as often as you did in high school or college. You also need to consider if one of your friends is going through a rough patch and can’t invest as much time into the friendship as normal. Meet people where they are.
9. You Know How To Keep A Secret.
If someone tells you something in confidence, you can’t expect a drama-free life if you spill the beans. People are more than entitled to be upset when their business is being spread around. No matter how juicy, always keep secrets to yourself. When in doubt about whether a friend wants something to stay between yourselves, ask for clarity.
10. You’re Understanding.
One of the ways to curb drama is to take a moment and consider why someone acted the way they did before lashing out. While a friend might have done something to upset you, that doesn’t mean it was personal or intentional. Having grace for people, within reason, prevents things from escalating.
11. You Don’t Dish Out What You Can’t Take.
If you’re the type of person to joke around and poke fun at people, be prepared for others to match your energy. People who are drama-free know they don’t get a free pass to roast others (all in good fun, that is.) They either don’t do it at all, or laugh it off when roasted in return.
12. You Don’t Involve Yourself In Other People’s Drama.
It’s all well and good to defend a friend if someone trash-talks them in front of you. With that said, something that always baffled me in school was complete strangers involving themselves if I fell out with a friend. I actually might have been able to patch things up with the friend, if not for the meddling escalating things. People who are drama-free don’t stir the pot, they let others work their issues out themselves.
13. You’re Mindful Of Who You Surround Yourself With.
While growth is a life-long process, sadly, some people have a high school mentality forever. If you’ve noticed your friends are still dramatic, despite the fact that you’re all closer to 30 than 13, it’s time to have a serious conversation or part ways. If you’re friends with people who cause drama, you will get dragged in by association. Plus, other people will paint you with the same brush and be hesitant to let you into their life.
14. You Work On Yourself.
Plenty of people don’t actually like drama, but they always find themselves surrounded by chaotic people. If you had a tumultuous upbringing, then peace will likely feel uncomfortable for you. That’s why you find yourself befriending or dating dramatic people because the extreme highs and lows are familiar. To break the cycle, you need to do some serious inner work to uncover why you’re drawn to those kinds of people and situations and put a stop to it.
15. You Found Healthy Ways To Let Our Your Frustration.
You’re only human. If someone lets you down, it’s only natural to be upset or angry. However, we can’t think clearly when we’re emotional. Find a way to blow off steam; whether it’s journaling, listening to angry music, or hitting the gym. Think about how to handle the situation when your head is in a better place.
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