While parents just want the best for their kids, they might be saying certain things that are negatively impacting them without even realizing. Here are 15 toxic phrases parents unknowingly use with their children that seem innocent on the surface but could have long-lasting consequences.
1. “You’re Too Sensitive.”
This is a hurtful phrase because it pushes aside a child’s feelings instead of helping them to express what’s on their mind and work through their feelings. It also teaches them that sensitivity is a bad thing and that they should hide or mask their emotions to not appear weak.
2. “Why Can’t You Be Like Your Brother/Sister?”
Comparing your child to their siblings is always toxic. It makes kids feel resentful of their parents and siblings and can destroy their self-esteem, making them feel like they’re simply not good enough. When they’re adults, they could get caught in the cycle of making comparing themselves to everyone else.
3. “You Disappoint Me.”
While parents might think expressing disappointment is better than screaming and shouting, it’s healthier to focus on the child’s behavior rather than who they are as an individual. By saying they disappoint you, you’re attacking them as a person instead of giving them constructive feedback to help them grow.
4. Â “You Never/Always…”
Absolute terms such as “always” and “never” can cause kids to develop a negative self-image. Maybe they always leave their school uniform on the floor or they cry when they don’t get their way, but they’re likely to shut down if you just point out all the things they’re doing wrong. It’s better to explain how their behavior can be improved and how they can develop self-growth.
5. “I Do So Much For You!”
This toxic phase just puts kids on a guilt-trip. Parents might use it to try to make their kids feel bad for behaving badly or to make them be more accommodating, but that doesn’t matter. As a parent, it’s your job to keep your kids happy and healthy, and it doesn’t do them any favors to throw all your efforts back in their faces.
6. “You’re So [Insert Negative Descriptor Here].”
Parents should never label their kids with a negative attribute. It has a really detrimental effect on how they view themselves, and this is something toxic they could carry throughout their lives. Again, it’s healthier to focus on the negative behavior that’s at play instead of targeting their personality.
7. Â “Stop Crying.”
While it can be frustrating for parents when their kids cry, especially in public, telling a child not to do so is damaging to them. It’s a way of brushing off their feelings and it makes them think expressing negative emotions in this way is a bad thing. They could end up clamming up and repressing their feelings, which would be terrible for their mental and emotional health.
8. “We’re Not Talking About This.”
If your child wants to continue talking to you about an issue but you’re impatient with them to the point of telling them the conversation is over, you’re leaving things unsettled. You’re not giving your child closure or helping them deal through the issue at hand. Worse, you’re making them feel like they can’t open up to you because they won’t be heard. Eventually, they may stop trying at all.
9. “Great Job!”
Applauding your child’s efforts and achievements is a good way to validate and motivate them. However, throwing out a generic phrase like “great job” as a catch-all for doing the most minor tasks like putting their clothes away or their dishes in the sink could make them reliant on their parents’ approval, which isn’t healthy.
10. “I’m On A Diet.”
©iStock/Eva-Katalin
Parents who speak negatively about food or their self-image in front of their kids can set them up for similar issues in the future. They could end up saddled with an unhealthy body image, so it’s essential to avoid saying phrases like, “I’m fat” or “I need to lose weight.” Instead, lead by example and stay active while nourishing your body with healthy foods.
11. “It’s Okay.”
It’s a good thing to reassure your kids when they fail at something, but telling them “it’s okay” or “everything is okay” doesn’t do much to help them improve in the future. Reassure them with this phrase, but then also utilize the moment as a teaching opportunity. Validate their emotions and explain that they’ll have other opportunities to succeed before discussing how they might get a different result next time.
12. “That’s Crazy!”
Maybe what your kid is worried about does seem silly or pointless to you, but that doesn’t mean they can change their thoughts or feelings. So, listen to them and try to get to the root of the problem they’re experiencing or anxiety they’re feeling. Make sure they know that every emotion they experience is valid and important, then help them work through it.
13. “I’ll Just Do It.”
Bailing kids out of a project or assignment they have to do doesn’t help them. It simply teaches them that they can get out of things they don’t feel like doing and that you’ll always be there to take the pressure off them. It doesn’t build their resilience, which they need to succeed in life. Help them by working together, for sure, but make sure they’re taking responsibility.
14. “Give Them A Hug.”
Parents should never force their kids to hug or kiss other people, even if those people are relatives. It sends the child the message that their personal space and boundaries don’t matter. They could grow up thinking that they have to do what others want. Teach them that it’s healthy to have autonomy over their own bodies.
15. “That’s Not True!”
While parents might think that telling kids it’s not true that they’re worthless/ugly/stupid is helpful, just saying the words isn’t enough to make them feel that they’re the opposite. It also tells kids their parents don’t believe what they feel, which increases their stress and anxiety instead of relieving it. Instead, try pointing out all of their amazing qualities and consider ways you can really drive that message home so that they develop a healthy sense of self-esteem moving forward.
Enjoy this piece? Give it a like and follow Bolde on MSN for more!
