16 Frustrating Traits Of Takers Who Never Give Back

Do you regularly feel like you’re always giving to someone in your life, but they never really give you anything back in return? The relationship is totally one-sided and it’s bringing you down. Here are 16 of the most frustrating traits of takers who never give back. It’s time to put your foot down, or walk away.

1. They come around when they need something.

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A taker doesn’t waste their time hanging out if they don’t get something out of it. If they need a favor, then they’ll be blowing up your phone with notifications and wanting to meet up for coffee. Suddenly, you’re the most important person they know. Any other time, they’re not all that bothered about keeping in touch.

2. They’re not around when you’re the one in need.

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You recently helped your friend out, but now that you need help, they’re nowhere to be found. You might text them and never get a reply. You’ll hear back from them the next time they need you, and might not even mention your previous request. If you pull them on it, they’ll claim they never got your message or “totally forgot” to reply.

3. They’re selfish.

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It’s all about them. They’re all about what they can get from the relationship, so they’re always the ones to make the plans. They decide what you do, when you do it, and how long you do it for — and you’re just expected to get on board with it and not complain. They don’t consider your feelings or if you’re happy.

4. They make empty promises.

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The taker might promise that the next time they’re in town, they’ll make plans to hang out or treat you to dinner for your birthday that they missed. However, these things never actually come to pass. It’s all empty promises that they never seem to follow through on. They only say it to keep you sweet so they can keep siphoning you dry.

5. They assume you’re always there for them.

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While you’re supportive, it doesn’t mean you don’t have boundaries. In the taker’s eyes, however, those boundaries don’t apply to them. They always assume that you’ll be there for them whenever they snap their fingers, even if it means dropping whatever’s going on in your own life.

6. They don’t like it when you set boundaries.

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When you start standing up for yourself, you might be surprised to see the taker getting upset about it. They can’t handle it when you set healthy boundaries because they’re worried you’re not going to say “yes” to everything they want anymore. They’ll get preemptively defensive or accuse you of not being there for them, but this is just their way of manipulating you.

7. They don’t care about draining your resources.

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Takers couldn’t care less if you’re exhausted or overwhelmed by having them in your life. If you’re spending lots of time listening to them complain or you’re giving them money to get by, they never stop to think of how they’re draining you. As long as their needs are fulfilled, they don’t really care how you’re affected.

8. They’re using you, so it’s not a real connection.

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Takers aren’t in your life to build something real with you, be it a friendship or romantic relationship. They might seem to want to have a connection, but they’re just using that to use you. If they think you like them and that you’re important in their life, they’ll be able to get more things from you.

9. They only care about their needs.

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Takers are selfish, self-obsessed people who only care about their needs. If you step up and tell them what you need in the friendship or relationship, they’ll brush off your feelings or say that they don’t have the bandwidth to make it happen. The truth is they’re just not interested in stepping up for you.

10. They don’t know how to compromise.

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In relationships, compromise is necessary to make you feel like you’re both contributing to the relationship and considering each other’s needs. Since takers don’t care about anyone but themselves, they’re not going to meet you halfway. It’s their way or the highway, and they refuse to budge from that approach.

11. They only see you when it’s convenient for them.

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Takers will only reach out to you when they’re lonely or bored. Yup, it’s all about what’s convenient — for them. When they make plans with you, they expect you to reorganize your schedule to fit theirs. They might even pick a hangout place that’s far away from where you live but right around the block from their apartment.

12. They think you never do enough.

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Takers get used to expecting lots from you. If you help them once or twice, they’ll think they can always give you a shout and get what they want. They might be toxic in that they want more and more. No matter what you do, it’s never — and you never feel like you’re enough.

13. They don’t appreciate you as a person.

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A taker might send you tons of grateful messages or a bouquet of flowers to show how much they appreciate you for the recent favor you did for them, but they don’t appreciate who you are as a person. It’s just about what you can do for them.

14. They say “I” a lot during conversations.

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You can tell someone’s a taker in conversations by checking how often they make “I” statements. They’ll speak about themselves a lot and in relationships they’ll focus on what they want without thinking in terms of “we.” They’re the star of the show, and there’s no room on stage for anyone but them.

15. They don’t listen to you.

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Takers want everything, and since they’re so in love with themselves, they won’t really listen to what you have to say. You try to engage with them, but it’s like speaking to a brick wall. Your pet’s more responsive when you’re telling them about your day!

16. They outshine all your good and bad days.

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When you try to talk to the person about your wonderful or horrible day, they’ll always try to take over. So, they’ll have a more wonderful or more horrible day, such as by saying, “Oh, my day was even better/worse! Here’s what happened” and go off on a tangent, forcing you to listen to them. They’re always trying to grab the spotlight.

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Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.