30 Thoughts You Have When You’re Hooking Up With An Ex

While I don’t have any scientific proof to back up what I’m about to say, I’m pretty sure most of us have slept with an ex at one point or another. Of course, when we’re totally in our right minds, we can agree that this is never a good idea, but in the moment, it’s hard to think clearly. As much as you try to enjoy what’s happening, your need to overanalyze everything just makes for an emotional and mental disasters. Here are some thoughts that probably run through your mind after hooking up with an ex.

“OMG. Finally.” After the breakup, you probably prayed for this moment for weeks or months. You may not even be religious, but you decided you’d temporarily convert in the hopes of getting him back for at least one night.

“When was the last time I shaved my legs?” If you’re not getting action on the reg, who the hell shaves their legs? If your hookup wasn’t planned, then maybe your legs do resemble a chia pet, so of course you’re going to internally harp on that for a good 10 minutes.

“I wonder if I’m better in bed now.” In thinking this thought, you’re also tempted to ask your ex, but then again, do you want to ruin the mood or prove to him that you’re really overthinking this whole thing? (Although, if they know you at all, they already know exactly what’s going on in your head.)

“This feels so good.” Familiarity always feels good. It’s like coming home again, so that’s no surprise.

“Or maybe it feels so wrong?” But let’s be honest: Doesn’t it feel good to be bad? Answer: YES.

“We should never have broken up.” As your ex begins to touch you exactly how he knows you like to be touched, it’s easy to go down that road of questioning why you even said adieu. I mean, based on the current moment, you at least still have something in common.

“Does this mean we might have another chance at love?” Oxytocin, the hormone released during sex, hugging, orgasms, and all that good stuff, is a trickster. With that stuff pumping through your body, you could think you’re in love with a lamp post and might even feel the need to propose to a mailbox.

“I hope he doesn’t think this mean we’re getting back together.” You have to figure if you’re thinking it, he might be thinking it, too. Or at least you hope that you’re not the only one thinking it, even if you don’t want to get back together.

“It would be so awesome if this could be a regular thing.” Would it though? Damn you, oxytocin!

“Ugh. He’s still doing THAT?” Well, if you never told him the first 500 times you had sex that it wasn’t your thing, how the hell did you expect him to realize after you broke up that it wasn’t your thing? Lesson here, people: If you want to have great hookup sex with your ex, train him to be awesome before he’s your ex. It’s really just basic math.

“I’m so happy I ran into him!” Well, if you haven’t messed anyone in a long time, it can definitely feel that way.

“I probably should have stayed home tonight.” Buyer’s remorse can be a real thing. Or maybe you’re finally realizing that you actually haven’t shaved your legs four months and are horrified?

“He better not think I’m still in love or anything after this.” To be honest, he’s probably not going to be thinking much after this, at least in my personal experience. He’s going to come, pretend that he cares if you came, too, then either get up to go or roll over to sleep.

“Maybe I am still in love?” DO. NOT. EVEN. GO. THERE. You have to remember that you broke up for a reason.

“I hope he doesn’t think he’s sleeping over.” Pro tip: When hooking up with an ex, always — and I mean ALWAYS — go to his place so you’re in control of when you get to walk away from the situation. Of course, if you think you can’t walk away and you might not ever leave his bed again, then have him come to your place, so he can be the one to bail.

“Maybe we should go to brunch in the morning and talk about it.” In the moment, it seems like a great idea because you’re thinking you two may want to rehash it all and see what it all means. However, in the light of day, if he’s still there, you’re going to see it means nothing; it was just sex.

“Seriously. What the hell am I doing?” This thought will be the one you’ll have the most during your hook-up, but the chances of it forcing you to stop thinking with your vagina, are pretty slim.

“He’s going to think I’m weak.” I swore I’d never have anything to do with him, yet here I am tangled up with him all over again. He’s going to think I’m too weak to resist him. I don’t want to be weak. I want him to know I’m strong and definitely don’t need him any longer.

“He’s going to want more.” Great, now he’s going to want more than just a one time hook-up. I just wanted sex with someone I was comfortable with. I don’t want to start over. It ended for a reason. Am I really going to have to have this conversation with him?

“Why the hell did I even speak to him?” I just had to say hello, didn’t I? I should’ve just walked away the moment I saw him coming over. Look at the smug ass smile. He knew I was going to sleep with him before he even said a word. This is it. No more talking to him… but that damn smile is so hot.

“I should’ve listened to my friends.” I know they told me not to go home with him. They told me I’d regret it, and they were right. I should have listened to them. Nothing good ever comes from hooking up with an ex.

“How does it hurt all over again?” I thought I was over this. Why does it feel like my heart’s breaking all over again? It was just sex, but it feels so wrong to just leave. I know he’s remembering how it ended too. We should’ve just ignored each other and then I wouldn’t be hurting so much.

“Who else has he been with?” I know it’s none of my business, but I can’t help wondering who else he’s been with since me. Did I know any of them? Why is it pissing me off so much to think of him with other women? I don’t care. At least I don’t think I do.

“He didn’t deserve to see me naked again.” He’s the one who screwed things up. Why did I reward him by letting him see me naked again? He broke my heart, yet here I am giving him exactly what he wants. Maybe if I just push him out of the bed, he’ll feel just a little of the pain I did.

“I just feel even more lonely now.” I can admit, at least to myself, that I was feeling a little lonely and vulnerable. I thought he’d make me feel better, but now I just feel even worse. I can’t even manage to sleep with someone who wants to stay with me.

“Did we talk about getting back together?” What were we talking about right after sex? Were we really talking about how great we were together? I can’t let myself to do this. We can’t get back together. I know how it ends and it’ll just end again.

“I can’t do this again.” I think I’m on the world’s most nauseating roller coaster right now. I can’t let myself do this again. I’ve got to be stronger than this. I know he’s sexy as sin, but it’s just not worth it.

“Is he the best I can do?” Seriously, I can’t find anyone other than my ex? Did I peak with him? Am I going to be alone forever? I’ve got to get out of here.

“I didn’t even ask if he was single.” It all happened so fast. What if he’s seeing someone else? He would’ve told me, right? I don’t want to be the other woman, not even as a hookup. Note to self — ask more questions before hooking up with an ex.

“What’s he going to tell our friends?” Damn our mutual friends. They’re going to give me so much hell for this. Of course, he’ll look like a hero and then I’ll seem like a bitch for not wanting to get back together. Can we just rewind and not do any of this?

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