Many of us crave serious long-term relationships but we find it hard to maintain them. Before we blame our exes, I think it’s important to do some self-reflection. Here are nine signs that you have some growing up to do in the relationship department.
- You think you’re perfect. Here’s the thing; everyone makes mistakes. It’s part of being human. If you feel that you’re always right and you justify everything you do, you’ll quickly alienate your partner. No one wants to be on the wrong constantly. Learn to see things from other people’s point of view. If you don’t, then your relationship will never last.
- You think that a relationship with the right person should be easy. This myth drives me up the wall. Sure, some people are better suited to us than others, but there is no such thing as the perfect person. Relationships are hard. Period. Especially romantic relationships. Something about being so close to someone and being so vulnerable with them makes it easier for them to hurt us. So please, go into relationships with the mindset that they’ll take hard work to sustain. If you don’t, your relationships will end and you’ll have no one to blame but yourself.
- You find it hard to try new things. I’m talking about little everyday things. I’m the type of person who knows what I like, but even I had to learn to be open to new experiences. Relationships can get monotonous after a while. If you insist on doing the same things all the time and are unwilling to switch it up, you and your partner will get bored with and of each other. Learn to be open to new experiences. They’ll keep your relationship fresh. If you keep insisting on repeating the same routine over and over again, you can’t get upset when your boyfriend seeks excitement elsewhere.
- You have dreams that you won’t bend on. For years, women have been forced to put our goals on the back burner to be good wives and mothers. Thankfully, that’s not the case anymore. Having said that, relationships often require that dreams are somewhat modified. After all, it’s hard to imagine that two people want the same thing, in the same way, and at the same time. Please don’t hold on to your dreams and timelines with an iron fist. If you do, anyone who doesn’t align perfectly with them will be forced to leave you or vice versa. Besides, insisting that it’s your way or the highway is a selfish thing to do. No one wants to date or marry a selfish person.
- You find it hard to apologize. We’re all human. Sometimes we lose control and say or do things we don’t mean. If you find it hard to apologize, you won’t be able to make a relationship last. Sweeping things under the rug works for a short while, but pretty soon bitterness and anger build. Those are the things that will kill your relationship. Learn to say you’re sorry and mean it. Those two words go a long way.
- You’re set in your ways. I’m all about being who you are and loving yourself. However, the very idea of a relationship is that there are two people in it. You can’t just say “I’m OCD, deal with it!” and expect your partner to go along with it. If you get into a relationship, be prepared to be challenged. No two people are exactly alike, so you have to be willing to bend a little. That’s the hard part—but on the bright side, you’ll grow into a better you. Isn’t that what we all want?
- You’re manipulative. I’ve heard so many women boast about how they can get their guy to do anything. Some of them whine and pout and others get angry and act frustrated. If you’re manipulative, your partner will catch on to it and eventually leave you. No one wants to be controlled. It’s just not a loving thing to manipulate people, so if you do this, please stop. Oh, and if you’re not sure whether you’re manipulative or not, here are 14 things that people do in manipulative relationships.
- You hold on to grudges. There’s nothing I hate more than someone bringing up something that happened months or years ago in a fight. It just takes us back several steps and fosters distrust. If you agree to move past something, move past it. No one likes to think that anything they do wrong today can be used against them in the future. If you’ve exhibited this behavior in the past, your ex probably saw it and ran. Learn to forgive and forget.
- Your other relationships are tumultuous. If your relationships with family and friends are full of fussing and fighting, then the chances are that you are a major contributing factor to those problems. After all, you’re the common denominator. You shouldn’t get down on yourself, but I think that open and honest conversations with your loved ones about why it is you don’t get along will shine a light on the areas where you need work. Here’s the good news: if you’re willing to become a better person, you’ll attract better partners and have better relationships. It’s a win-win, so go ahead and become the best you that you can be!