While it might seem easy to notice if someone’s a genuinely kind person or not, sometimes people try to hide what they’re really like beneath the surface. That means you’ll have to do a little detective work to figure out what you’re really dealing with, and if you notice these behaviors, it’s clear they’re not very nice after all.
1. They’re Guilty Of Micro-Expressions.
They might seem happy or pleased to see you, but you notice their face change for a split-second which tells you otherwise. Micro-expressions are short, quick facial expressions that tell you what people really think or feel, so it’s worth keeping an eye out for them.
2. They Ignore What You Need.
Whether you’re having a bad day and need someone to hear you out or you’re feeling stressed out at work and need some advice on what you should do, you often feel like none of that matters around this person. They’re all about making sure their own needs are met, often leaving yours falling by the wayside.
3. They Have Verbal Diarrhea.
Someone who’s not very nice will always interrupt you when you’re speaking. They might excuse their behavior by making excuses, saying stuff like, “I’m just so excited to tell you something!” or “Sorry, I didn’t want to forget my train of thought!” However, it’s still so rude and can make you feel like you don’t want to even talk to them anymore. Why bother?
4. They’re Sarcastic When It’s Completely Uncalled For.
When you share something you’ve recently learned that they already knew, they respond with something like, “No way, really?” If you ask what they’re going to do about a certain situation and the answer seems obvious to them, you usually hear something like, “Oh, I don’t know, it’s just so hard! How will I ever figure into out?” Comments like these, as obnoxious as they are, are meant to throw you off and make you doubt yourself. Don’t let them.
5. They Give You Backhanded Compliments.
This person can’t seem to say something genuinely nice without throwing in a caveat. They always have to chase a compliment with criticism, saying stuff like, “I like your shirt — it’s so much better than what you usually wear,” or, “Congrats on your relationship — you couldn’t wait to settle down, huh?” If that doesn’t scream “I’m not a nice person,” I don’t know what does.
6. They Regularly “Forget” Your Plans.
You had to move your day around to meet up with this person for lunch, and then they didn’t show up. They don’t even call or text, but they’ll finally answer your message hours later to tell you that they just didn’t remember. It’s common for them to stand you up because they claim to be so “busy” or “forgetful.” In reality, they just don’t respect you or your time.
7. They Always Interject With Their Own Stories.
When you’re telling them something that happened to you, you usually only get halfway through before they interject with their own anecdote — and magically, it always seems like a one-up on yours. When you tell them about your latest travels, they’ll tell you about their own luxury vacation. If you just got a raise at work, they got a bonus AND a promotion. They have to be the star of every single story.
8. They Talk Crap About Pretty Much Everyone.
You can tell a lot about a person by how they talk about other people around you. If they’re always making little negative comments about others, it’s a red flag that they’re not as nice as they’re pretending to be. In fact, they’re probably riddled with insecurity and feel like they need to bring other people down to lift themselves up. How sad!
9. They’re A Mood-Swing Maestro.
Someone who’s always on an emotional rollercoaster can make you feel nervous or anxious because you literally never know where you stand with them or what they’re going to do or say next. It’s extremely unsettling, especially if they tend to take their moods out on you. You have nothing to do with why they’re angry or upset, so they shouldn’t be directing those feelings in your direction.
10. They’re Full Of Themselves.
It’s annoying when someone is so self-centered that they have to make comments about how great/accomplished/nice they are. They’ll carefully slip these comments into conversation as though they’re no big deal, but they’re huge red flags. Their accomplishments should speak for themselves. If they have to brag about them to try to outshine everyone else, they’re not very nice.
11. They Think The World Owes Them Something.
A person who’s not as nice as they pretend to be tends to think the world revolves around them. They make demands and expect you to bend over backward to meet them, no matter how much of a strain it puts on you. When you don’t, they become hostile or guilt-trip you to make you feel like a bad person.
12. They’re Sugary-Sweet When They Need You.
This person knows how to become so sweet and caring when they need something, like when they want you to agree to party with them on the weekend or take over a tough project for them at work even though you’re already exhausted. They know when to turn on their charming behavior to get their way. Once the favor’s been done, they’re back to their old self again.
13. They’re Faux Helpful.
When they let the mask slip and show just how not-nice they are, they might try to cover their backs by saying stuff like, “I’m just worried about you” or “I’m trying to help you.” Meanwhile, their comments about your life are downright rude and unnecessary. Why can’t they just be kind?
14. They Play Dumb.
You’re out with this person when they tell someone at the bar that you’re into them even though you’re not. Or, they order you booze even though you quit drinking months ago. When you ask them about it, they play dumb and act like they were just doing something nice and that you’re being ungrateful. They know how to turn the tables on every situation so that they’re the victim.
15. They Ignore You Around Other People.
When you’re in a group setting, they give you way less attention than when you’re one-on-one. Sometimes, it’s like they even forget that you’re present. They’re only making an effort with you when it’s convenient for them or no one else is around. In fact, they may even be purposely ostracizing you to keep you where they want you.
16. They Downplay Your Happiness.
You get a cute puppy and they say it’s not as cute as a different dog breed. You get a new car after saving up for it for years and they’re unimpressed. You get a promotion and they ask if you’re going to ever change your career. What gives? They’re always trying to zap your happiness and make you feel bad. For some reason, they think doing so will get them ahead (according to Psychology Today) but it’s clear they’re not a nice person and you really don’t need them in your life.
