According to Calm, being around someone who’s constantly negative and never has a good word to say is draining. They never seem to see the silver lining in any situation and they’re always bringing you down by trying to burst your bubble. Enough is enough! If you’re dealing with a chronic Debbie Downer, it’s time to shut them down by throwing some of these things into your conversations.
1. “Did anything good come out of it?”
When a negative person is venting about a situation that left them feeling helpless or hard done by, it can be helpful to try to get them to focus on the positive. You could say something like, “Did anything good come out of your bad breakup/losing your job/not achieving your dream?” This reminds them that many things in life are all about perspective.
2. “Isn’t that pretty rare?”
According to Medical News Today, some negative Nellies love to catastrophize. You have a mole on your shoulder and they worry it might be cancer; you want to travel overseas and they fill you in on the crime rates of that region. It’s too much! Challenge their “statistics” by asking, “Isn’t that pretty rare?” Their lack of research and facts will show!
3. “So, how did you handle that?”
If a negative person is trying to give you unsolicited advice to a problem you’re having, you can deal with it by asking how they’ve handled it in the past. This is clever because if they’re doling out advice but have never been in your situation, they’ll scramble for anything of value to say.
4. “Let’s talk about something happier.”
Sometimes getting a negative person to stop venting about their bad day yet again can be as simple as suggesting a topic change. As long as you do it in a polite way, the person won’t feel attacked. This way, you can steer things out of Debbie Downer territory and focus on something a bit more uplifting.
5. “Oh, sorry — I didn’t ask you, though.”
Another way to shut down a negative person who tries to give you “advice” when they’re really giving you worst-case scenarios to feel bad about is to remind them that you never asked them for advice in the first place. This is one you’ll probably want to reserve for a close friend or someone you know well — otherwise, it could come across as a bit rude.
6. “That’s one way to do it.”
When you tell your negative friend that you want to chase your dream and they find reasons for you not to do it, you could agree to disagree. You could say, “That’s one way to do it, but I’ve got my own way.” This will shut them down while preventing you from getting sucked into their negative thinking.
7. “Yes, I’ve got it covered.”
Negative people love to bring you down by trying to warn you of what could go wrong. It’s so annoying and can make you worry unnecessarily. A simple, “Yes, I’ve got it covered!” will make them stop. It lets them know there’s no more discussion needed because you’re already on top of the issue.
8. “Thanks for your concern.”
When a negative person gives you bad advice or tries to make you feel worse about a situation, you could thank them for their concern and then block out the negative thoughts they were trying to shift onto you so you can get on with your day. And hey, maybe they are really coming from a good place — they just have a terrible way of going about it.
9. “At least the worst didn’t happen.”
If your negative friend is moaning about how their phone was stolen or they tripped and hurt their foot, you can help them be a bit more positive by handing them some silver linings. You could say something like, “At least you didn’t get hurt,” or, “At least your foot’s not broken.” They might not internalize your more upbeat take on things, but eventually, it might start to rub off on them.
10. “Oh, I’ve got to go — sorry!”
Sometimes dealing with a negative person is too taxing, especially when they don’t respond to your cues to pipe down with the negativity. You don’t have to sit there and give them more than five minutes of your precious time. Come up with a reason for why you have to make your exit — and take it!
11. Challenge their “always” or “never” with facts.
Negative people can get caught up in their own spiral, using exaggerations in their speech to get their point across. So, if you’re arguing with a negative Nellie friend who says you “always” run late or “never” call, you could counteract this by stating the times when you did or didn’t do those things. You shouldn’t have to justify yourself, but sometimes it feels good to prove someone wrong.
12. “I love your optimism.”
While telling someone who’s being negative that you love their positive thinking could be seen as sarcastic, it might actually make the person start to be a bit more positive. It might even make them laugh, which can diffuse the tense situation and help to move their bad mood.
13. “I see” or “okay.”
When you’re cornered by a person who won’t stop being negative, instead of engaging with them, it can be useful to use noncommittal phrases or words like “I see” or “okay.” This encourages them to stop speaking while preventing you from getting caught up in their words.
14. “But remember that time…”
It can help to remind the person of the time when what they wanted worked out for them if you want to turn their pessimism around. So, you could say, “I get that you’re scared you’re going to get fired, but remember that time you were afraid of losing your job and you got an even better one?”
15. “Well, that’s your opinion.”
Sometimes, you can shut down a Negative Nellie by reminding them that they’ve got their opinions and you’ve got yours. Hey, both can be true, but you get to choose which one you want to follow! Sunny-side thinking over here, thanks!
