I Don’t Mind Casual Sex, But Stop Pretending It’s Anything Else

Even though I hate the idea of being used for sex, I hate it even more when a guy pretends to be my boyfriend just so I’ll keep sleeping with him. For me, honesty is always number one and who knows — maybe I want to keep it casual too. He wouldn’t know unless he actually communicated with me. Here’s why I prefer honesty over a fake relationship:

  1. It’s just plain mean. I know he doesn’t necessarily mean to lead me on, but seriously dude, this is classic jerk behavior. He knows very well that I want a relationship and he’s taking full advantage of that. He acts like he wants to be my boyfriend just so I’ll keep having sex with him, but what he doesn’t know is that by doing this, he’s going to eventually have to break my heart and that’s just plain mean.
  2. I’m a big girl. It’s almost like he assumes that I’ve never had casual sex before. I’ve been around the block once or twice, I know how these sort of situations usually pan out. They either end up in mutual understanding or heartbreak, which would you prefer?
  3. I can date other people without worrying whether he cares. If I’m having sex with a guy, it means that I somewhat like and care about him. When another guy asks me out, I might say “no” just in case this guy’s going to be my boyfriend soon. What would be really great is if he told me that he only wants to get laid so I don’t turn down guys who actually want to date me. As the old saying goes, he can’t have your cake and eat it too.
  4. I won’t waste my time on him. The great thing about a guy telling me about what he wants from our “deal” is that I won’t waste my time chasing him around, hoping that we’ll become serious. My time is super valuable and the fact that he would be willing to take away something so precious from me is really obnoxious.
  5. We might accidentally fall in love with each other. It’s going to happen eventually and if he doesn’t speak up soon, we’re going to start falling in love. If I know that he’s not looking for a love connection but still wants to have sex, I would be totally fine with that and would actually be happy that he even told me. It’s so much better than being a typical shady guy who plays around with girls’ emotions. He needs to tell me what’s going on before things get too messy.
  6. I could totally use an FWB. Who’s to say that I’ll be mad when he tells me that he only wants sex? What if I only want sex too? It would just be nice to know, and I won’t be upset if I get an FWB out of the deal. Every girl needs an FWB in her arsenal for those random times she feels like having sex. He’s not going to be my number one guy, but he’ll be my number one sex friend and that should be good enough for him.
  7. I won’t judge him — I just want to know. Hey, everyone goes through times in their lives where sex is all they can handle. I’m pretty much in that phase right now myself. It’s just really important that I know what’s going on, especially since I’ve been led on in the past. I’m not going to think he’s a bad person for only wanting sex because the fact of the matter is, that’s just what he wants at this time in his life and he can’t help it. Seriously, no offense taken. I will, however, think he’s a bad person if he leads me on.
  8. Does he really think I’m not going to find out? The more time we spend together, the more obvious it’s going to be to me that he’s only in it for sex. Wouldn’t he rather be the one in control of this situation, as opposed to me finding out and freaking on him? As soon as he realizes he’s not interested in anything outside of the bedroom, he needs to make that known. If I find out on my own, we’ll never have sex again.
  9. It’ll make everything less awkward. He’d be surprised how freeing it is when he speaks his mind. By telling me what he’s feeling about our situation, we’ll be able to actually have fun together instead of having this layer of awkwardness over everything. We’ll be wondering if we’re acting out of line or whether the other person feels the same way we do. By being open with me, everything will be a lot less cringy, trust me.
  10. I don’t want to hate him. When I realize that all he wanted was someone to bang, I’m going to resent him forever. I really don’t want to… but I will. If he wants to avoid the inevitable fate of landing in my bad books, then I really, REALLY need him to be honest with me. It might hurt a bit at first upon hearing it, but in the end, I’ll be grateful he told me.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.