If A Guy Doesn’t Know What He Wants, He Doesn’t Want You

Sometimes it feels like a lot of guys are absolutely clueless about what they’re looking for in love. They date recklessly and end up hurting you in the process. You’d think that at this point in life, guys would have their crap together a little more when it comes to dating but many don’t. If a guy doesn’t know what he wants, he doesn’t want you. Move on.

At a certain age, dating isn’t a game anymore. At a certain point, it’s hard to comprehend how so many single guys haven’t even scratched the surface of what they’re looking for long-term. They chase the goal of getting laid and having low-key and short-lived relationships rather than looking at the bigger picture. Despite what these guys say to you to try and convince you to accept casual terms, don’t be fooled. You’re a grown woman and dating isn’t a sport anymore. If a guy doesn’t know what he wants, not only does he clearly not want you but he doesn’t deserve you.

Indecisive commitmentphobes are a mind-screw waiting to happen. Beware of the guys who say they’re just “going with the flow” or encourage you to “see what happens” —they’re players in the making. When a guy is totally into you, he won’t hesitate to lock you down and commit to being with you in a real way. It’s that simple. The guys who shy away from labels or don’t include you in their lives fully are a waste of your time and energy, so don’t bother.

You know what you want, so don’t accept less. Sure, you can hold on to the idea that he could change his mind or think that if you walk away, you might be missing out, but no guy in his right mind who genuinely gives a crap about you will let you get away. He should make his mind up pretty damn quickly at the prospect of losing you. If you know you want the real deal of meaningful love in your life, don’t make concessions in favor of some guy who’s still trying to figure it out.

Blurred lines will make you insane. There’s nothing fun about being stuck in a grey area with a guy you know you’d totally commit to and have a relationship with. A lot of guys have no problem with hooking up with you constantly but won’t pull the trigger on making it into something real because heaven forbid feelings come into play. It’s not up to you to prove your worth to a guy or fix the issues that he’s been carrying even before you showed up. Save your sanity and go for a guy who has a better head on his shoulders.

You deserve a guy who’s 100% sure about you. The feeling of being with a guy who’s all in and completely devoted to being with you and only you is infinitely better than being with a guy who always makes you feel like he could be gone at any moment. You’re not looking for a guy who’s halfway out the door. He’s either in completely or he can go.

Confusion isn’t an excuse to break your heart. When a guy keeps the relationship lines blurred, it not only makes you insane with confusion, it also gives him an easy out. He can always claim that he told you he wasn’t ready or whatever other lame line he throws at you to absolve himself from leading you on. Sometimes you need to take what a guy says at face value and leave the rom-com hopeful scenarios in the back of your mind out of it. If he doesn’t know he wants you all the way, he’s not worth your time.

You don’t need to deal with a guy’s issues when you have your crap figured out. If you know that you want someone in your life completely and with a real title on your relationship, don’t feel guilty for walking away from guys who haven’t figured out what they want yet. This nonsense of hanging around and hoping he’ll come around and suddenly have a mind-altering epiphany is useless. Get yourself a guy who has his act together in the same way that you do.

You’re a total catch and he’s lucky to have your attention at all. You should always consider yourself a prize when you’re dating someone, not only because it exudes a special kind of confidence but also because it’ll keep you from settling for half-assed efforts and half-assed commitment. Any guy would be lucky to have your attention in the first place because you bring a lot of good qualities to the table, so don’t waste it on the guys who don’t see your value.

Waiting for the right guy will be worth it. The longer you waste your time on the guys who don’t know what they want, the longer your search for love will be. When you find the right guy, there won’t be any hesitation, any blurred lines or any gnawing confusion on what you’re doing together or where things are headed. Stop wasting your time on the guys who don’t know what they want and wait for a real man who knows he wants you 100%.

Why a guy might not know what he wants

If you like someone, you know it. It’s really not that hard, right? So why is it that this guy seems so confused about his feelings?

He likes you, just not enough. He thinks you’re nice and that you’re pretty. He even likes spending time with you, just… not enough to actually commit to you in any real way. He’s not head over heels, he’s more lukewarm in his feelings, which means he’s unsure whether it’s worth it to take things any further.

He’s hesitant to give up the single life. Maybe he does actually like you, but he also really likes sleeping around, flirting with other women, and generally not having to answer to anyone. By proclaiming his certainty about his feelings for you, he’d be basically admitting that he has to leave that life behind. That’s a big ask (in his eyes at least).

He thought he was more into you than he actually is. Things started out intense and he thought you were the one for him. However, the more time you spend together, the less he’s feeling it, he just doesn’t know how to tell you that.

He got what he wanted. If you’ve slept together and suddenly he seems uncertain about his feelings for you, it’s pretty clear that he only wanted to get you into bed. Now that he’s accomplished that, he’s ready to move on. He might be into hooking up again, but that’s about as deep as it goes for him. It sucks, but it’s better you know now.

What to do when you’re dating a guy who doesn’t know what he wants

There are a few options you have here, and only you know what the right one is for you.

Talk to him about it. If you feel like you know him well enough or have a solid enough foundation that you can speak frankly with him, do it. Tell him that you like him a lot and would love to give a real relationship a shot, but only if it’s not one-sided. Point out that you notice he seems uncertain about you and ask him if that’s the case or if something else is going on.

Take some space. If you’re not ready to leave him in the dust right away and you feel like there’s still potential there, it’s still important to make a move. Back away and live your life without giving him a second thought. Don’t answer his calls and texts right away, don’t initiate plans, and don’t rearrange your schedule just to be around him. This will send the message that you have better things to do than wait around for a guy who’s not sure about you.

Keep your options open. I’m not saying you should start dating a bunch of other guys in an attempt to throw it in his face and make him jealous. However, I am saying that unless you’re in an exclusive relationship with this guy (which you’re clearly not or you wouldn’t be in this position), you don’t owe him anything. You do owe it to yourself to keep your options open. If this guy won’t stand up and proclaim his feelings for you, there’s someone out there who will.

If all else fails, walk away. In all seriousness, this is probably your best and only real option here. You shouldn’t have to play games with a guy or use reverse psychology to get him to get his act together and act like an adult who knows what he wants. You’re an incredible woman with so much to offer a partner, but only if he has something to offer you too. Cut your losses and move on. You’ll be so much better off in the long run.

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