How To Get Over A Guy Who’s Just No Good For You

­­It’s hard to move on from someone you really liked or a relationship you really wanted. Maybe the chemistry just isn’t there or your partner isn’t willing to commit. Whatever the reason behind it, if it’s not working, it’s just not. Although any relationship will require effort, there is a point when enough is enough. Don’t waste any more of your time—do these 10 things to help yourself let go.

  1. Be honest with yourself. What’s so hard about all of this is how invested you were. I totally get it. But you have to admit to yourself that he doesn’t want you. If he did, he would pursue you. He would listen to what you’ve been saying. He wouldn’t let you always be the first to call or text. He would make time in his busy schedule for you. Face the facts: there’s no potential and it’s not going to get better eventually. He just doesn’t want it to.
  2. Forgive yourself. It’s humiliating getting dolled up for someone, surprising them with thoughtful little gifts, and showering them with your attention and affection and not having your gestures returned. Maybe you even got in bed with this guy only to end up with no commitment and still wondering where you two stand. It’s not your fault and you should never feel bad for putting your best foot forward. If someone doesn’t return your energy, that’s on them. You deserve someone who doesn’t make you appear desperate, someone who appreciates you and treats you back.
  3. Gauge your effort. What’s meant to be really should flow. You shouldn’t have to keep forcing a circle to fit into a square. Yes, relationships require understanding and patience, but you should also be respected during this process. No amount of effort on your part will force something that isn’t meant to be. If you find yourself banging your head into a wall trying to get on the same page with him, he may not be Mr. Right and that’s not what you want anyway.
  4. Check your dignity. Take a look in the mirror and observe who you see right now. Have you started to become clingy? Are you engaging in frantic acts to get him to talk to you again and spend time with you? Have you been lurking on him and possibly even stalking him to force a planned “unexpected encounter”? Who are you anymore? Trying to be with a guy should not become more of a mission than a natural process of connection. No man’s attention is worth losing yourself and if it comes to all this your involvement with him is not healthy.
  5. Be your own friend. Ask yourself the hard questions. Are you even happy right now? Is this the type of guy you would recommend for your bestie? Do you look forward to a future of this? It’s OK to allow something to fail. Just quit while you’re ahead and accept the lesson learned.
  6. Feel your emotions. This is a loss, so grieve. Avoiding the pain, disappointment, and sadness is not going to serve you in the healing process. Take the time you need to acknowledge how hard this is for you so that you don’t carry this over into the future. Resolve your heart now so all this doesn’t come back up later.
  7. Indulge in unlimited self-care. With or without a man, you always should prioritize loving yourself. In getting so wrapped up in him, you might have forgotten to take care of you, so do it now. Treat yourself the way you wanted him to treat you. Spare no expense to remind yourself of what you’re worth.
  8. Connect with safe people. Being lonely is hard. But you will ultimately feel more loneliness in bad company than being alone. You don’t need a man for interaction anyway! Even if you have history with him, he’s not the only person who knows you. Try reaching out to an old friend, a family member, or your bestie even if they all seem busy and into their own lives. You may be surprised by a good convo and it can remind you of who is really there for you without the risk of potential heartbreak.
  9. Create downtime. When you finally decide to walk away, it might be a challenge to cope at first. It will be an adjustment to your recent routine, but do what you need to do. Be alone, process, reflect, and learn. Be easy on yourself. Don’t get caught up in reaching out to him or continually bringing him up to others. These behaviors will keep you stuck.
  10. Find your closure. This one is tricky but you have to firmly end this chapter somehow. If you can handle it, it might actually be helpful to have a chat with him when things cool off. He may admit where the problem was or at least you two can possibly agree to go your separate ways amicably. If this isn’t an option, that alone should be your closure. You shouldn’t be with someone you can’t even have a mature productive conversation with.

At the end of the day, the old saying is true: there really are plenty of fish in the sea. If this guy didn’t appreciate all the amazing things you have to offer the world, he’s clearly not worth your time and energy anyway. Hold your head high and walk away—there’s someone out there who will treat you like the incredible woman you are.

I’m Cara, not to be confused with Carrie, although you could say I’m a Millennial Bradshaw of sorts. Pop culture connoisseur. Lover of all things creative and passionate about health and personal well-being. Follow me on IG @cara_vale_writer