When your partner seems to find fault with everything you do, it can feel like walking on eggshells. Here’s how to handle those critical comments without losing your cool (or your relationship).
1. Recognize that it might not be all about you.
Sometimes, people get super critical when they’re feeling insecure or stressed themselves, PsychCentral notes. It doesn’t excuse their behavior, but understanding where they might be coming from can help you take things less personally. Maybe they had a rough day at work, or they’re struggling with their own self-esteem – those underlying feelings might come out as harsh criticism towards you, even if that’s not their intention.
You may also like: 15 Clever Phrases That Instantly Humble an Arrogant Person
2. Check in with yourself before reacting.
Feeling hurt, angry, or defensive is a natural response to criticism. But jumping straight into a heated argument usually makes things worse. Instead of firing back right away, take a moment to breathe and calm yourself down – go for a walk, listen to some music, whatever helps you center yourself.
Don’t miss out – follow Bolde for exclusive content daily
3. Set boundaries kindly but firmly.
Let your partner know that their constant criticism isn’t okay. Try saying something like, “When you constantly point out my flaws, it makes me feel defensive and discouraged. Can we try finding a more constructive way to talk about things?” Be clear that you want to work on this together, but you won’t tolerate harsh comments that only drag you down. Setting boundaries ensures trust, safety, and respect in the relationship, per Forbes.
You may also like: The Top 10 Reasons Men Break Up With Women, As Told By A Guy
4. Try using “I” statements to express how you feel.
Instead of blaming your partner with “you always…” focus on how their words impact you. For example, try saying, “I feel really unappreciated when you focus on my mistakes instead of the things I do well.” This way, you’re owning your feelings without directly attacking them, which might make them more receptive to what you’re saying.
Don’t miss out – follow Bolde for exclusive content daily
5. Look for patterns in the criticism.
Does their criticism always focus on certain things – your work, your appearance, your hobbies? Identifying any patterns might help you address the root issue or understand that you need to let some of the comments slide. Maybe they’re insecure about their own job, or they grew up with hyper-critical parents, and that reflects in how they interact with you.
You may also like: These 16 Types of People Are Red Flags In Disguise
6. Recognize that you might be overly sensitive.
Is there any truth to their comments, even if they don’t say it kindly? It’s possible that you’re feeling hypersensitive to comments that really aren’t that bad, Verywell Mind says. Sometimes a little self-reflection can go a long way. Could you improve in a certain area? Maybe your partner has a point, but their delivery is the problem, not the feedback itself.
Don’t miss out – follow Bolde for exclusive content daily
7. Offer solutions, not just complaints.
Is there a way they could communicate their concerns that feels less harsh? Instead of focusing solely on the negativity, come up with alternatives. For example, “Instead of always telling me what I do wrong, could you try pointing out the stuff I do well so I feel motivated to improve?”
You may also like: 15 Things People Who Don’t Put Up With Anyone’s BS Have In Common
8. Don’t be afraid to take a time-out.
Feeling overwhelmed by the constant barrage of negativity? It’s totally fine to step away from the conversation, Harvard Business Review suggests. Try saying something along the lines of, “I need a break from this right now. Let’s talk about this later when I’m feeling calmer.” Taking a pause gives you both space to cool down and approach the issue with a clearer head.
Don’t miss out – follow Bolde for exclusive content daily
9. You don’t have to agree with everything.
There’s a difference between valid feedback and a hurtful opinion. Don’t feel obligated to agree with every critique your partner throws your way. If you feel their criticism is off-base, you can gently disagree or offer your own perspective with something like, “I respect your opinion, but I actually see things a bit differently.”
You may also like: 20 Ways A Narcissist Acts When They Can’t Control You
10. Focus on the positive aspects of your relationship.
Don’t let the constant criticism overshadow everything good about your connection. Take time to remind yourselves why you’re together – the fun times, the shared values, the love you have for each other. Focusing on the good stuff provides a stronger foundation to address the challenges you’re facing.
Don’t miss out – follow Bolde for exclusive content daily
11. Celebrate your wins with other people.
If your partner makes you feel like nothing you do is good enough, seek validation elsewhere. Spend time with friends and family who support you and lift you up. Their positive energy can counteract the negativity at home and remind you of your worth.
You may also like: 30 Things Men Do When They’re Having A Midlife Crisis
12. Don’t beat yourself up over slip-ups.
We all mess up sometimes, and that’s perfectly okay. If your partner makes you feel like every little mistake is a catastrophe, try not to internalize it. Remind yourself that you’re human and doing your best, and focus on learning from your mistakes instead of dwelling on them excessively.
Don’t miss out – follow Bolde for exclusive content daily
13. Offer them some positive feedback to boost their confidence.
As previously mentioned, people who are hyper-critical of others often have their own underlying insecurities. Maybe they’re super hard on themselves and project that onto you, or they struggle with control issues. While understanding this can help you empathize, remember that their issues aren’t your responsibility to fix. It’s also not your responsibility to put up with their toxic behavior.
You may also like: 15 Adult Traits of People Who Were Bullied As Kids
14. Pick your battles carefully.
Is it worth getting into a fight every time your partner criticizes how you load the dishwasher? Probably not. Sometimes, it’s better to let the petty stuff go and save your energy for addressing the bigger issues that really matter to you.
Don’t miss out – follow Bolde for exclusive content daily
15. Know the difference between feedback and meanness.
Constructive criticism helps you grow, but meanness aims to tear you down. If your partner constantly belittles you, puts you down, or makes you feel small, that’s not okay. Recognize that this is emotional abuse, and you don’t have to put up with it.
You may also like: People Who Lack Self-Awareness Frequently Say These 14 Things
16. Humor can deflect negativity sometimes.
If the criticism isn’t too harsh or frequent, a lighthearted joke can help ease the tension. Of course, be careful not to invalidate your own feelings, but a bit of humor can sometimes disarm your partner and make the situation less tense. Just make sure it doesn’t become a way to brush off serious issues or dismiss how you really feel.
Don’t miss out – follow Bolde for exclusive content daily
17. Couples therapy can be a lifesaver.
If you’re struggling to break this pattern on your own, a therapist can offer a safe space to address these communication issues. They can help you understand each other better, develop healthier ways to provide feedback, and ultimately build a more supportive and understanding relationship.
You may also like: People Who Rarely Exhibit Empathy Usually Have These 16 Traits
18. Know when enough is enough.
If your partner refuses to change their behavior, or if their constant criticism is severely damaging your self-esteem, it might be time to question the future of the relationship. You deserve to be with someone who supports you and makes you feel good about yourself. If they’re not capable of that, sometimes the healthiest option is to walk away.
