How To Get Laid When You Just Want An Orgasm, Not A Relationship

You’ve had your fair share of relationships and you’re happy on your own for now. However, you can’t lie — sometimes you get a bit horny and your vibrator just isn’t cutting it. It’d be nice to find someone to at least have sex with once in a while, but you’re not sure where. Don’t worry, we’ve got your back. Here’s how to get laid — because you deserve it!

Not everyone is looking for a relationship — some people just want to get laid

Let’s clear this one up once and for all. The idea that all single women must be desperately seeking their future husbands 24/7 and that we have marriage on our minds every time we so much as say hello to a man is bullsh*t. More and more women are actually choosing to be single long-term. The latest numbers from the Pew Research Center reveal that 32% of women between 18 and 29 are single, along with 19% of those aged 30 to 49. From there, being on your own isn’t just the norm, it’s the preference, with nearly 49% of women aged 65 or older remaining unpartnered.

However, just because we don’t want to be lumbered with an actual relationship doesn’t mean we don’t have needs. Sex is great, and men aren’t the only ones who appreciate casual hookups. There are plenty of women who also just find someone (or someones!) who knows how to give us amazing orgasms and then leaves us alone again so we can do our own thing. Is that idea really so revolutionary?

Where are you likely to meet someone who’s into hooking up?

  1. Dating apps Well, duh. This is not only the go-to for people looking for actual relationships, it’s also great for hookups (especially Tinder). Go specifically for apps that let you browse through users based on location and preferences, and read people’s profiles carefully before you start chatting. You don’t want to strike up a convo with someone who’s looking for a future spouse when you’re just looking to get your rocks off.
  2. Bars Ah, an oldie but a goodie! Lots of single people hang out in bars, and there are bound to be quite a few who’d be up for a drunk fumble or a full-blown f**k-fest. You can go out with some friends, order a few drinks, and scope out the possibilities. You never know who you might meet.
  3. Social media Hey, it happens! We’re not suggesting you go crawling through Instagram profiles looking for someone to shag. However, sliding into people’s DMs has been behind many successful hookups over the years. If you’re just trying to get laid, you could always shoot your shot via socials.
  4. Through mutual friends Being set up sucks, but sometimes it comes in handy. Casual hookups can totally happen organically through mutual friends. If you’re open about what you’re looking for, a friend may be able to introduce you to someone who’s looking for the same thing. Also, since you have a friend in common, you can trust that they’re not going to be super weird. Win-win!

How to actually get laid/have casual sex without drama or awkwardness

  1. Don’t forget to flirt. Just because you’re on the prowl for company for the night doesn’t mean you should forego the fun part. Flirting is necessary to show your interest in someone and to build up that all-important sexual tension. Don’t have your eye on the prize so much that you skip over the coy teasing and suggestiveness that comes along with flirting.
  2. Don’t be desperate. This is never a good look. Yes, you want to get laid, but pace yourself. You’re hot as hell and a fantastic lay (if you do say so yourself), so act like it. You don’t need to ingratiate yourself or beg someone for their attention. Anyone worth getting undressed for will flock to you effortlessly. Chill.
  3. Look for friends as well as lovers. Sometimes your next friend with benefits is right under your nose. You don’t have to specifically look for a romantic partner to find one. It’s possible that there’s someone in your extended friend group who would fit the bill. Plus, you have to have a base level of connection there if you’re going to sleep together. This can only help.
  4. Be upfront about what you’re looking for (and what you’re not). No need to beat around the bush, so to speak. When you’re chatting to someone, be honest about the fact that you’re looking for a hookup. You don’t have to be crass or overly rude about it, but speak your mind. Even something as simple as, “Hey, wanna get out of here?” (that old favorite!) does the trick. There’s something really sexy about a woman who knows what she wants and is confident enough to ask for it.
  5. Invite them over. If you want to get laid, you have to set the stage. Once you know them well enough to feel safe/comfortable, invite them to your place for coffee, a drink, a movie, etc. If you’ve been doing the whole flirting thing right, they’ll likely catch on quickly.
  6. Make sure you’re taking precautions — birth control, condoms, etc. Hooking up is great, but so is protecting your sexual health. Use a condom or other prophylactic (fancy word!) to avoid contracting STDs and STIs. Also, if you’re a person who has the ability to get pregnant and you’re sleeping with someone with a penis, make sure you’re taking precautions there too.
  7. Let people know where you are at all times. Assuming you’re hooking up with a relative stranger, make sure there’s someone who knows where you are and who you’re with. Your safety is paramount, so take it seriously. The chances you’re sleeping with a murderer are slim, but you never know!
  8. Always ensure you have enthusiastic consent. This is important. You’re game to have some fun for the night, but that doesn’t matter if the other person isn’t excited to join in. Never force a situation or push someone to do something they don’t want to do. (And yes, it’s important to get consent from men, too.)
  9. Have a damn good time. This is what it’s really all about. Your body can do some amazing things and experience all kinds of incredible pleasure. Have fun with it!
Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love. Follow us on Instagram @bolde_media or on Facebook @BoldeMedia