When you truly love someone, the general path you foresee is marriage. But, how do you go from being just another girl to actual wifey material? What will make him want to spend the rest of his life with you? You don’t want to change who you are, but there are certainly small things you can do to create a more meaningful bond and make him want to commit. Of course, there are plenty of things he needs to do for you too, but if you’re even thinking of spending your life with him, hopefully that’s already happening. Here’s how to make a guy want to marry you.
What do men really think of marriage?
There’s a pervasive stereotype out there that all men are commitmentphobes that hate marriage. And while that’s likely true for some men, just as it is for some women, that’s not the case across the board. There are plenty of men who dream of being husbands one day. However, they’re more hesitant about it and aren’t usually ready quite as early as women.
“Most men haven’t been dreaming of their wedding day since early childhood, nor are they concerned with a biological clock for starting a family,” explains author and relationship coach Kevin Darné. “Therefore there is no real sense of urgency on their part. When it comes to dating and relationships, men are fine with reading the book one chapter at a time to see where the story goes. Many women, on the other hand, want to know how the story ends before they buy the book!”
Nevertheless, most men do end up getting married. According to Darné, eight out of 10 men eventually get married, though they’re usually older than women when it happens. “Statistically, the average age of a first-time groom is older than that of a first-time bride. By age 45, over 85% percent of men have been married,” he explains. “Odds are, most men a woman dates are going to get married. It’s not a matter of if but rather when he will get married.”
Darné notes an AARP survey finding which states that 66% of divorce filings in the U.S. are initiated by women. Not only that, but research suggests that men are more likely to remarry than women. Men seem to like being married, after all!
What makes a woman marriage or “wifey” material in a man’s eyes?
- She has her own life and lets him have his. Nothing makes a woman wifey material like one who has a fierce sense of independence and doesn’t smother him by needing to be together 24/7. Admittedly, this is a fine balance to strike. You don’t want to be so insistent on doing your own thing that you act like you don’t need him. However, you also don’t want to be clingy and struggle when he does his own thing.
- She’s loyal. He doesn’t want to have to worry that you’re going to cheat on him or leave him when times are tough. If you want to make him want to marry you, make him feel secure in the relationship. Assure him that you’re in it through thick and thin. That doesn’t mean being a doormat, however. If he’s not showing the same loyalty, you have every right to walk away.
- She’s always up for an adventure. The honeymoon period is temporary, of course. And while there’s a joy that comes with becoming more comfortable in the relationship, spontaneity is still important. You don’t want things to become too boring or predictable. One or both of you will lose interest. Be up for trying new things and going new places together. It will keep your relationship fresh.
- She doesn’t let herself go. Men are visual creatures, and as much as this sucks, it’s pretty true across the board. Yes, he should still love you in ratty sweatpants with unwashed hair. However, he also wants to feel proud to show you off on his arm. He wants a partner who takes pride in her appearance and makes an effort to look good, whatever that means to you.
- She shows him affection and attention. Just because men don’t want to cuddle 24/7 doesn’t mean they don’t want love and affection. Hold his hand, kiss his cheek, and give him a hug. These little gestures make him feel cared for and appreciated, and that goes a long way.
- She’s his biggest cheerleader. If you want to make a guy want to marry you and consider you wifey material, this is key. Support his biggest dreams and encourage him to go for them. Remind him of his potential and be there to lift him up when he fails. He’ll be glad to return the favor.
- She’s ambitious and accomplished. There’s a misguided belief that men are intimidated by strong women. Sure, weak ones are. But a self-actualized man who’s secure in himself will be turned on by your accomplishments. He’ll love bragging about the amazing things you do to anyone who will listen. Don’t ever dull your shine for a guy.
- She’s maternal and caring. If he wants kids, he wants a woman who would make a good mother. This doesn’t mean you should be his mother, however. He’s a grown man who can take care of himself. However, if you’re a natural caregiver with a big heart, he’ll be more likely to want to say “I do.”
How to make a guy want to marry you
- Take care of yourself. First and foremost, attraction is critical in any relationship. Although your commitment to your relationship should be a top priority, don’t let your commitment to yourself and your well-being suffer. It’s a bit superficial, but it’s the truth – you need to maintain yourself to keep the attraction lasting in an everlasting relationship. Stay active, eat well, take time to see your friends and family, and make sure you do things that you enjoy. Keep your mind active, and pursue your education and career goals; taking care of yourself also includes fostering your own mental and emotional growth outside of the relationship. If you don’t look and feel your best, your partner will be able to notice. He wants that confident, beautiful, and sexy woman that you truly are; don’t neglect yourself, and make taking care of yourself a priority.
- Don’t lash out at him over little things. You will have fights, you will have tough times, and you will go through frustrating experiences, both with your partner and in your own personal life. He wants a partner who is understanding and can get through those difficult times during a marriage. Before you lash out at him, take a deep breath and calm your emotions. When you remain calm and express yourself, you allow room for both of you to improve your communication and connection. If something is your fault, accept responsibility for it and apologize; doing so will teach him to do the same, and bring you closer in your relationship.
- Trust him implicitly. If you know he loves you, you need to trust him. Sometimes, it can be hard to let go of your insecurities and trust anyone. If you want this relationship to work, and you want him to see a future with you, you have to let him know that you see his trustworthiness. Keep your promises, and he will likely do the same. If he doesn’t and abuses your trust in him, then he’s not the man you are meant to be with.
- Be comfortable in your own skin. He’ll see you in the morning with no make-up, no clothes, and no distractions. Be comfortable in your own skin! He can sense insecurity from a mile away, and no man wants to be with a woman who constantly doubts and criticizes herself. Be spontaneous, embrace your body, show your happiness, and express how lucky he is to have you. You are GREAT, and he would be privileged to have you as his wife.
- Show your affection. We all want to be held, kissed, and praised by our partners. He wants to see that you can keep those romantic gestures, sensual touches, and loving demeanor alive on a daily basis. Hold his hand; don’t be afraid to be affectionate. Tell him how much you love him and just how much he means to you. Comment on how nice he looks today, or how proud you are of him for his promotion at work. No one can read your mind; even if you are thinking about how much you care for him, how will he know if you don’t say it regularly? We all need reassurance; make sure you provide him with regular affection.
- Be appreciative. Obviously, you should be appreciative of the major things, like exchanging of gifts and moments where he is a huge support to you. But don’t neglect being appreciative for the small things. When he quickly buys you your latte at Starbucks, say thank you. If he holds the door, smile. He’s looking for a woman who will recognize and acknowledge his kind and loving gestures. Show him how much you appreciate every little thing he does for you, and he will do the same.
- Be the calm in his storm. He’s going to go through tough times and needs a partner who can be his voice of reason. He’s not looking for someone to make him more anxious and stressed out; that’s when he will run. Be that calm, wise, and loving force in his difficult times. He will notice that and want you constantly around to help him improve as an individual.
- Show your loyalty. If you want him to commit to you, you have to commit to him. Make your relationship a priority; don’t necessarily drop everything else in your life, but show him that you are loyal and committed to this relationship. Marriage material means being loyal, so take this step as your most important action in showing him what you are worth. Implement these changes and improvements, and you’ll be on the way to creating that everlasting bond.
- Encourage his individuality. The longer you’ve been with someone, the more tempting it is (even if subconsciously) to basically meld into one person. This is obviously not a good thing. In fact, it’s actually really toxic and will really screw up your relationship long-term by making one or both of you resentful. Plus, if things ever end between you, neither of you will be able to pick up the pieces very well because you won’t remember who you are without the other. If you want to make him want to marry you, always encourage his individuality and respect the fact that he was someone before he met you and he still is.
- Give him space. This ties into the above part but goes a bit further. Yes, you love him and want to be with him all the time, but that’s not healthy. It’s so important to nurture lives outside of one another and outside of the relationship, so make sure you give him plenty of space to do his own thing, even if that “thing” is just sitting on his Playstation all night. He’ll respect and love you for it that much more.
- Make just as much of an effort as he does. Many women have the erroneous idea that it’s up to the man in the relationship to make all the effort. It’s up to him to keep the romance alive, to make you feel wanted and appreciated, and to generally keep things afloat. Obviously, this isn’t true. It’s 2022, so there’s zero excuse for you not to be putting in just as much time, energy, and love as him. If you do, it’s very likely to make him want to marry you.
- Keep your sex life fresh. This is another thing that’s so important and not talked about enough. Yes, there’s more to a successful relationship than sex, but there’s no denying that this kind of intimacy is vital to keeping your connection strong and healthy. Don’t put it all on him. Don’t always wait for him to initiate and don’t approach sex as something you just “have” to do to keep him happy. He’ll be able to tell that you’re not feeling it and that’s really disheartening. Do your part to keep this element in your relationship thriving. Be open to trying new things and even when life gets hectic, make connecting in the bedroom a priority.
- Know how to laugh and have fun. This is perhaps one of the easiest yet most important ways to make him want to marry you. Don’t be so serious all the time that you don’t know how to let your hair down, be silly, and just have fun. No one likes someone who’s too uptight to really relax and enjoy themselves. Lighten up a bit sometimes.
- Be passionate about him and everything else in life. This is something you should be doing for yourself rather than any man, but find something to feel passionate about in life. Dive into your relationship wholeheartedly and have hobbies, goals, and other things in your life that really get your blood flowing. If you don’t, find some.
- Be authentically, unapologetically yourself. At the end of the day, this is the only way to live. No man wants to be with a woman who’s pretending to be someone else. You’ll never be able to keep that facade up forever, nor would you want to. The only way to ensure your relationship is unbreakable is to be totally honest with one another about everything, including who you are deep inside. If you don’t think he can handle it, then he’s obviously not the right guy for you. However, you might be surprised just how much happier he is when you let him in.
What to do if you’re in a long-term relationship with someone who’s anti-marriage
Not all women want to get married, and that’s okay. However, there’s also nothing wrong with wanting to tie the knot. If you’ve done everything you can to be a good partner but nothing seems to make him want to marry you, it’s time to act. Start by having a frank conversation with him about what you want and need. By gauging his response, you can determine the best course forward.
“An honest talk will always be the key here. Discuss what marriage means to each of you. Everyone has different perspectives on things, and it’s important to keep an open mind,” advises Chris Pleines, dating expert at Dating Scout. “Your partner may view marriage as a business transaction rather than a celebration of love. In this instance, you may explore alternate wedding ceremonies wherein you could honor your relationship and be satisfied.”
If you’re still unhappy and he’s not willing to budge, it may be time to end the relationship.