How To Tell On The First Date If He Wants A Relationship With You

It might only be the first date, but he probably already knows whether or not he’s interested and if he wants to see you again. Guys tend to decide pretty quickly if you’re hookup material, girlfriend material, or neither — and you don’t have to be a mind reader to figure out where they stand. Once you know what to look for, it’s pretty easy to tell if he wants a relationship with you. Just look for these signs. If they’re not there, you may want to bow out gracefully now.

  1. He shows up on time or even early. This might not seem like it has anything to do with you or a potential relationship, but it totally does. A guy who can’t be bothered to turn up to a date he arranged at the time he arranged is telling you before you even get started that he doesn’t respect your time and he’s not all that invested in your date or you. If he was, he would be prompt or even early.
  2. He wants to know all about you. It’s a first date — why wouldn’t he want to know all about you? Even though you probably already know a bit about each other from your online dating profiles or mutual friends, if that’s how you met, there’s a lot of stuff that’s unknown. If a guy wants a relationship with you, he’s going to make the effort to get to know you and what you’re all about. Otherwise, how could he ever know you’re the one for him?
  3. He doesn’t pressure you for sex. No, you don’t have some weird green stuff stuck between your teeth. Since he wants more from you than sex, he’s willing to be patient and wait for it. He respects you and doesn’t want to jeopardize his chance at becoming more than just a date.
  4. You have an amazing first kiss. Not hinting around for sex doesn’t mean you aren’t going to get a little physical. His deeper attraction for you comes out loud and clear when he goes in for the first kiss. I don’t know how to describe it, but it feels different. It’s a kiss that leaves you wanting more for days to come.
  5. He asks for a second date. Any guy who’s interested in a relationship with you isn’t going to give a damn about waiting for you to call him or waiting X number of days to contact you. He’s going to ask you out again sometime during the first date. He’s not being pushy, he just doesn’t want to lose you to some other guy.
  6. He doesn’t stop smiling all night. Okay, so he might just be picturing you naked, but odds are, that goofy grin is just because he’s truly happy being around you. He can’t believe how lucky he is. He’s having a great time and his smile proves it.
  7. He doesn’t want it to end. Does he keep drawing things out? Maybe it was supposed to be dinner and a movie but now you’re going to a small diner for dessert. Yes, he’s trying to keep the night from ending. I know your heels are killing your feet, but enjoy knowing how much he wants to be with you. How long has it been since you’ve been out with someone you actually didn’t want to have an excuse to get away from ASAP?
  8. He sends a sweet goodnight textThis happens right after he drops you off or around the time he thinks you might have gotten home if you drove yourself. He wants the last thing you think about to be him, so he sends you a sweet (not creepy) goodnight text. It’s also his way of saying that it’s fine to start calling or texting immediately.
  9. He maintains eye contact. I realize guys are going to notice other women, but a wandering eye on the first date means he’s not worth your time or that painful push-up bra you’re wearing. A man who maintains eye contact and isn’t distracted by the supermodel stunner at the next table is one who only has eyes for you.
  10. He’s a total modern gentleman. The gentleman still exists, but sometimes it takes something special to bring it out. If a guy is opening doors for you, guiding you on a crowded sidewalk or pulling out your chair for you, he’s trying to impress you. Mix this with other signs and he’s definitely interested in a relationship.
  11. He goes out of his way to make you laugh. Instead of trying to get in your pants, he’s trying to make you laugh. Why? He loves hearing your laughter and seeing you smile. It makes him feel good to see you happy. It’s also his way of showing you he could make you smile for years to come.
  12. He wants to know more about you. How many times have you had to snap your fingers to get your date to pay attention to you? I swear it’s like being a teacher with a bunch of bored teenagers. An interested guy not only pays attention but asks questions. He actually wants to know who you are, what you like, and what you don’t.
  13. He’s open about himself. No first date should ever feel like pulling teeth just to find out a little about a guy. When he wants a relationship, he’s not afraid to give you the inside scoop on himself. Yeah, he’ll probably embellish a little, but don’t we all?
  14. He doesn’t want the conversation to stop. Most first date conversations start dwindling about halfway through. You know he wants more when he keeps the conversation going down to the last minute. For once, you don’t have to do all the talking or worry about what to talk about next.
  15. He says it. This should be obvious, but I’ve known some women who seem to think their date’s joking. No guy is going to say he wants a relationship if he doesn’t, especially on a first date. If he says it, he means it. This doesn’t apply if he says it and then tries to get you to come back to his place, of course. Context matters. One or two signs might be a coincidence. The more signs you see, the more likely it is he’s already envisioning spending long nights curled up on the couch together watching TV and thinking of how much his family will like you.

How to have an epic first date

couple smiling at one another in alley

provided by iStock

  1. Wear something that makes you feel hot as hell. It’s all about dressing to impress when you first go on a date with someone. That doesn’t mean you need to wear six-inch stilettos and a mini-skirt, though you totally should if that’s what makes you feel confident and beautiful. Whatever it is that makes you look in the mirror and say to yourself, “Damn, I look good,” go with that. If you walk into the room with a confident swagger, that will radiate and your date won’t be able to help but notice.
  2. Put your phone away. Unless things are dire and you’re picking up your phone to initiate your BFF’s rescue plan, put your phone away. Don’t even leave it on the table or in sight — actually put it away. We spend so much time scrolling endlessly and a first date is not the time to do it. If it ends up that he wants a relationship with you, it won’t be because you spent all evening looking at memes on Instagram. It will be because you gave him your full attention and allowed yourself to be totally engaged.
  3. Be hopeful but realistic. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being hopeful that this date might be the last first date you’ll ever have to go on. However, you also want to temper your excitement and realize that there’s also a chance that it’ll be a dud and you won’t connect. Finding a balance between hopefulness and realism will serve you well because it will allow you to enjoy the evening without being too bummed out if it doesn’t work.
  4. Express curiosity but also show off your listening skills. Don’t be shy when it comes to asking him questions about himself. While you don’t want him to feel like he’s in a job interview, you do want to show him that you’re interested in who he is and what his life is like. However, be prepared to listen too. So often, people ask questions just waiting for their next turn to talk. Really absorb what he’s saying and commit it to memory. It might come in handy in the future.
  5. Don’t share too much too soon. Leaving a little bit of mystery is a good thing, at least at the beginning. You don’t need to tell him right away that you want four kids and you hope to be married in the next 18 months because that will just freak him out and it’s totally unnecessary. Instead, keep your cards a bit close to your chest for a bit and let things progress slowly and naturally. It won’t be long before he realizes he wants a relationship with you and then you can tell him all your romantic hopes and dreams.
Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.
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