Love DOESN’T Conquer All: 10 Harsh Truths About Relationships

We all have our own ideas of what love is, but it’s never really as simple as it’s made out to be. Supposedly, you fall in love and everything magically works out. Okay, so maybe it does in one of those Hallmark romance movies at Christmas, but for the rest of us, it’s a little more complicated. It’s no wonder so many relationships fall apart when we have such unrealistic expectations about love. I believe it exists, but it’s not what keeps couples together. Are you ready for a dose of reality? Here are some harsh truths about relationships.

  1. Love doesn’t conquer all. That’s the biggest myth about love – that love conquers all. I hate hearing that because it’s BS. Love gives you a reason to work hard on your relationship. If you sit on your ass and don’t do your part, love won’t save you. The relationship will fall apart. Don’t depend on love alone. That’s like sending your knight in shining armor to fight a battle in his boxers. He needs armor, a sword, and probably a horse, too. See what I mean?
  2. It’s about more than sex. So many people tie love and sex together. It’s one of the oldest lines for a guy to say, “If you love me, you’ll sleep with me.” Sadly, women still fall for that every day. Sex doesn’t mean someone loves you. It may seem that way, but all it means is they enjoy your body. If you don’t have anything outside of the bedroom, car, kitchen or wherever you prefer to get down and dirty, it’s just lust, not love.
  3. Love means compromise. You might have imagined the person you’d fall in love with would be just like you. They’d enjoy all the same things and you’d do all the same hobbies. Nice dream. Now welcome to reality. Love means compromise. If neither one of you are making any compromises, you’re either still in that disgustingly cute puppy love phase or you’re headed for a big fight. I’m not saying you have to make massive compromises every day. Love means you talk about things and don’t hold grudges when you compromise on which side of the bed to sleep on or doing his hobby one week and yours the next. This isn’t necessarily a harsh truth about love, but it’s true nonetheless.
  4. It’s more than words. It makes you warm and tingly all over when that special someone says “I love you” for the first time. The problem is it takes more than words to show someone you love them. Do they treat you like a person or an object? Are you truly happy when you’re together? If all they ever do is say the words, it’s not really love. Trust me, you’ll know the difference. If you don’t, your friends and family will let you know.
  5. Love isn’t perfect. You’re not going to fall in love with the perfect person. Why? They don’t exist. Love is extremely flawed. There are going to be good days and bad days. There will be days when you think you couldn’t possibly tolerate your partner another day. Real love helps you get past the bad times. You look past a person’s flaws and even love some of those flaws. You’re not going to be super, lovey-dovey, romantic movie-style happy 24/7. Love isn’t easy or perfect.
  6. It’s not easy. If you haven’t already realized it, love isn’t easy. It’s kind of like the hardest job of your entire life. You have to learn how to talk to each other, learn body language, be supportive, put someone else’s needs first sometimes, admit you’re wrong, compromise, find solutions to problems and so much more. I know I’m making love sound like something to avoid. My point is you know you’re in love if you’re willing to do all the hard work and it’s worth it in the end. Basically, the good days outweigh the bad. Forget about the pampered princess daydream. You’re going to have to work your ass off to make love work.
  7. You can’t force it. We’ve all heard horror stories about girls who get pregnant to keep a guy. They’re sure the guy will love them if they try to force him to stay. But that’s the problem with love: It either happens or it doesn’t. You can’t force it. It’s one of the greatest mysteries in life. Science tries to explain it, but frankly, it’s just one of those things you feel or you don’t. Sometimes it takes time to realize you’re in love. Sometimes it happens in an instant. No matter what, you can’t force someone to love you.
  8. You can be yourself. The one thing I like most about love is you can be yourself. If you always feel as if you have to act differently around your significant other, it’s time to break it off. It’s not love. My guess is you love him, but he doesn’t love you. Loving someone means accepting them for who they are. Radical acceptance. That’s just what love is. You can never be happy with someone who makes you feel like you can’t be you. No matter how much you care about someone, don’t put yourself through that. It’s not worth it.
  9. It has nothing to do with looks. Sure, that guy at the bar is really hot. He even has a six-figure-a-year job. Could it be? He’s great in the sack, too! Good job, you just found the dream guy. It’s fun for a while, but the relationship is missing something. That’s right. It’s missing love. You might think you have a type and that’s all you can date. Erase the image of your perfect guy. I’m not saying to avoid the hot guys, I’m just saying to open your eyes a little more. When you’re miserable with the hot guy, he doesn’t look so great anymore. Opting for a 7 instead of 10 could lead to eternal bliss. When you’re in love, your partner always seems like a 10.
  10. Love doesn’t hurt. Love should never be consistently painful. You might feel hurt over something said during a fight, but after talking it out later, you feel better. It hurts to lose love. Far too many people believe they should stay in a relationship because they’re in love. They deal with someone treating them like crap on a regular basis because of love. You deserve better. This isn’t love. Love feels good. It can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but overall, it makes you feel good about yourself and your relationship.
Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.