I’m Obsessed With Stalking My Exes Online & It’s Making Me Miserable

Creeping on exes sometimes seems like a good idea at the time but it never really turns out well. It ends up ruining my mood and leaving me with all sorts of crappy feelings I don’t need. I know I need to stop trying to see what my old partners are up to but I do it anyway. Here’s what happens when I creep despite knowing that it’s not a great idea:

  1. My entire mood plummets and my day is ruined. My mood drops whenever I find myself glancing at an ex’s social media account. I never look at an ex’s Facebook or Instagram and feel better. Rather, I end up getting super rageful or sad at what I’ve found, leaving me in a worse mood than before. It’s a really good time… (Yes, that’s sarcasm.)
  2. I’m upset about looking at their profile for a while. The fact that I’m upset lasts a while. I don’t just look at it, get mad, and move on, Instead, I’m finding myself really angry that food is taking so long later in the night. The feelings come out in a different way. You’d think I’d know by now to just not look at their social media but it hasn’t been that easy.
  3. Creeping just stirs up old feelings. Looking at their face and their life, I start to reminisce about different times. I begin to think all about the time we spent together and what our relationship looked like. Basically, creeping opens a can of worms that doesn’t need to be opened, but that doesn’t stop me! 
  4. Then I’m thinking about them more. As a result of creeping on their profiles, I start reminiscing even after I’ve stopped looking at their Facebook. Later, a song will come on and I’ll get all sad thinking about the person. Or, something that reminds me of them will come up. These things usually wouldn’t tug at my heartstrings so much, but I’ve opened the wounds to have salt rubbed in them by creeping on them.
  5. Nothing positive comes from creeping. I never leave my ex’s Facebook or Instagram page and say to myself, “Wow, I’m really glad I did that.” Instead, I’m left with negative feelings and all these thoughts about them that I don’t need. Not a dang thing that’s positive comes from social media stalking a former lover.
  6. I wonder why they’re in a relationship and I’m not. One of the thoughts I have when I’m creeping (or after I’m through) is that I wonder why they’re in a relationship and I’m not. I start to analyze their partner and I creep on them, too. I speculate about their relationship and I start to spiral into self-pity that even my stupid ex isn’t alone like I am. This whole thought process is a joy.
  7. I think about why it didn’t work out.  I start to go down the rabbit hole thinking about why it didn’t work out between us. Part of me is romanticizing the person, making them better in my mind than they were in real life. It’s not healthy, yet it gives me a way to beat myself up when I’m stalking their profiles.
  8. I start wondering if reaching out is a good idea. Since I’m already years deep creeping on their profile, I start to ponder what they would say if I reached out. I wonder if they’d be interested in hearing from me and what our new relationship would look like. Man, all this unhealthy thinking is exhausting! In reality, reaching out to exes is pretty much never a good idea.
  9. I’m in good company. I’m not the only one who’s creeping on my ex’s social media. A study found that almost 90 percent of us keep tabs on our exes on Facebook.” That’s a huge percentage of us who just can’t leave our exes alone! This statistic makes me feel a little less stalker-ish and more normal. I can’t imagine the stalking is healthy for any of us, though.
  10. In truth, their life is none of my business. I know I’m saying that I do all of this creeping, speculating, and judging, but the truth of the matter is that their life is really none of my business. They’ve moved on and I’ve mostly moved on, with the exception of the creeping. What they’re doing isn’t really mine to creep on. One day maybe I’ll learn and implement this.
  11. Perhaps blocking them is a good idea. One solution that’s been suggested to me through various articles and friends is that I can block them. It’s one way to ensure that I’m not visiting their profiles because I won’t be able to see them. This is one solution, but I may not want to do it because I want them to be able to creep on me if they want to. Perhaps someday I’ll get the strength to block them, but until then I’m suffering my way through having their profiles available.
Ginelle has been writing professionally for more than six years and has a bachelor’s degree in digital marketing & design. Her writing has appeared on Birdie, Thought Catalog, Tiny Buddha and more. You can follow her on Instagram @ginelletesta, via her Facebook page, or through her website at ginelletesta.com.