If You’re Only Looking For Casual, Stop Treating Me Like Your Girlfriend

So you’re “not ready for commitment,” you’re “too young to settle down” or maybe you just “don’t have enough time” for a serious relationship right now. That’s fine — I would never want to force you to be with me if you weren’t 100% sure. There’s just one tiny catch. If you want to keep things casual, you don’t get to treat me like I’m your girlfriend.

  1. Girlfriend perks are reserved for actual boyfriends. Isn’t this what you wanted — to be laid-back, to just “have fun,” for me to not be your girlfriend? That’s what keeping things casual means: no commitment. I wanted something more, but you wanted this and I’m trying to respect that. If you’ve suddenly changed your mind, that’s not my fault.
  2. Yes, labels DO matter. You can say how much you don’t care about “labels,” but the truth is you don’t want me to be your girlfriend so that you’re still free to do whatever (and whomever) the hell you want. If I don’t have the label, you don’t get any part of being my boyfriend — not in my heart or in my bed.
  3. Casual works both ways. If we’re not officially together then neither of us have the right to be jealous. I can go out and date or hook up with whomever I want to, same as you. I’m happy to give you your freedom but that means I get to take advantage of it too.
  4. Sex is off the table until commitment’s on it. You can’t have your cake and eat it too, at least not with me. I can’t do casual sex; being intimate with a guy means something to me, and I’ve never mastered the art of separating sex from emotion (nor do I want it). Until we’re on the same page about the status of our relationship, we shouldn’t be sleeping together.
  5. I’m not looking for anyone else, but you can’t blame me if someone comes along. Technically we’re not together, which means technically I’m single. I really like you and would love to take our relationship to the next level, but if another guy comes along that I hit it off with and he’s actually willing to make that commitment, I might have to move on.
  6. As long as we’re not officially together, things won’t change. I’m not going to act like your girlfriend whenever it’s convenient for you. We’re either together or we’re not — there’s no in between. I’m not willing to budge on what I’m looking for. Either you want to be with me or you don’t. It really is that simple.
  7. I don’t get to act like you’re my boyfriend either. You think that you can treat me like your girlfriend even though you refuse to be my boyfriend? No way. A relationship is a serious responsibility and if we’re both not up to the task, there’s really no sense in continuing with this.
  8. I’m worth the word “girlfriend.” If you’re willing to put yourself on the line to try and make a real go of our relationship, you never know how good things could be for us. I’m an amazing catch and if you step back from your excuses, you might just find I’m worth the effort.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.