Overrated Places To Have Sex & Where To Do It Instead

There’s nothing like adding a little excitement in your sex life, especially if it’s become a little routine.  Taking your love making out of the bedroom and doing it in a totally different environment that you’ve never experienced before is a great way to get the spark back.  It heightens the senses, and usual pleasures look and feel a little bit different, making the entire experience a lot more fabulous.  And who doesn’t want more of that?  Unfortunately, there’s a handful of popular sex spots we see on TV and in the movies that, in real life, end up being more disappointing than they are exciting.   Here are just a few overrated sex spots you need to skip out on and the better alternatives that you definitely need to try!

The Beach

Why it’s overrated: We’ve all seen different versions of the iconic sex on the beach scene: the man and the woman engaged in a passionate embrace while they kiss, the wind flowing through their hair just so, the ocean washing over them.  For a moment, their love is a part of the sea, and they’re indistinguishable from the ocean. People eat that cheesy crap up when Hollywood makes it, but in reality, sex on the beach sucks because cold, wet sand in every crevice of your body doesn’t sound all that sexy.  And last I checked, chafing wasn’t high on on anyone’s list of turn-ons.

Where to do it instead: Try a hotel by the beach. It’ll let you skip out on all the cons of beach sex (so, so much chafing) and but still give you a nice view of the sea, which can be romantic enough on its own. Plus, there’s the comfort and warmth of a soft bed with nothing but smooth, non-abrasive sheets rubbing against your body.  Open the window and you’ll get the beach breeze and scent just like you would if you were doing it on the shore itself.  You get all the benefits with zero chances of getting any sand crabs in your bathing suit bottom.

The Shower

Why it’s overrated: Yet another location that involves water, because I guess having sex with the potential of getting pneumonia looming over you is something a lot of people think is sexy as hell.  And sure, beads of water trickling down his body does look enticing, but the rest of it is just awful.  Sex in the shower basically means that, at some point during your hot shower sex, someone is inevitably not under the shower and freezing their respective genitals off.   Then it becomes less about the sex and more about trying  to figure out a smooth sex move to do so you can get back under the warm shower head.  Not to mention water washes out all our natural fluids, which makes sex akin to rubbing two pieces of paper together.  Unsexy and kind of dry.  We’ll pass.

Where to do it instead: Maybe on the bathroom floor after the shower? If you still have a fascination with doing it around water, use the shower head as foreplay instead. Get in the shower together, admire and touch one another’s body, stand close under the stream of water, wash each other off, etc.  By the time you get out, you’ll both be ready to go.

The Hot Tub

Why it’s overrated: I really hope that this ‘sex in a hot tub’ thing is a trend that’s dying out, because we can all agree that it’s kind of gross, right? Are people still having sex in a hotel hot tub in this day and age?  Even if you do have a personal hot tub of your own, you’re still having intercourse in water you’re going to use AGAIN.  And yeah, I know the chlorine is supposed to keep the tub clean, but even the thought that you might possibly be marinating in intercourse soup is enough to take the sexy completely out of it.

Where to do it instead:  Take it to the bathtub. If you MUST indulge in the hot water Olympics, this is the way to go because a tub can actually be cleaned, and the water is coming fresh from the faucet. Things do get a little more crowded in a tub and ups your chances of possible cramping, but it’s a small inconvenience and still a whole lot better than doing the deed in a warm pool of used water that’s still swirling with seduction from two weeks ago.

In Public

Why it’s overrated: The combination of the act itself, possibly getting caught, and trying to be discreet seems like it would be an intoxicating mix of fear and excitement that’s sure to put you both over the top – or it can be a fear that doesn’t really let you get turned on at all. There’s nothing sexy about the possibility of getting caught with your pants down at the back alley of  an Applebee’s.  So as tempting as it may seem one day, don’t do it.  Keep it in your pants until you both get home.

Where to do it instead: Head to your own backyard. Having sex there isn’t AS risky as doing it on public property, but you’re still very much outside and there’s still a chance (albeit small) that someone could look out their window and see your dirty deed.  The excitement and fear is still there, only this time it’s generally unlikely that you’ll scar any neighborhood children.

In The Back Seat Of A Car

Why it’s overrated: Hey, Jack and Rose did it in an old timey car in Titanic and seemed to have an awesome time, so what’s wrong with it? Well, a lot, actually — doing it in the back of any car sucks.  The only thing getting banged are elbows, eyeballs and your head on the steering wheel or the roof of the car.  Unless you’re Sting and think it’s sexy to origami yourself before having intercourse, most of us don’t feel sexy bending over backwards over the center console with the manual stick poking us in the ribs.

Where to do it instead: Got a pick-up truck handy? If you’re going to have vehicular nookie, do it in the back of a truck.  Technically, it has a BED! And if you lay down a few soft sheets and pillows, you could literally turn it into one. Doesn’t that sound a whole lot better than having your face smashed against the glove box?

The Airplane Bathroom

Why it’s overrated: Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve never understood why being a member of the Mile High Club is so great.  First of all, it’s in a bathroom where lots of people have done what people do in the bathroom. I simply can’t find any positives in trying to do it in something that’s just slightly bigger than a shoe box with a toilet that can suck in some pretty important bits if you’re not careful.  The aftermath isn’t so great, either, because you either get away with it and then have to fester in your shameful act until you land and finally get a chance to wash yourself off, or you get caught and now you have to sit in a plane full of people who knew exactly what you were doing and are now looking at you with disgust.

Where to do it instead: Literally anywhere else.  Take your pick from this list if you must, just please don’t do it in an airplane bathroom. No one on the plane has time for your shenanigans, especially the passenger who drank a few too many sodas and really needs to pee.

Elaine is a freelance writer who has written for Playboy and used to blog nonstop before she got a Facebook, Twitter, & Instagram and lost all focus. She loves mangoritas, talking in the third person and when you share her articles with your friends. Follow her on Twitter @Ladyhaha, or go to Shedens.com and read more of her ridiculousness.