Sometimes loneliness masquerades itself as many different emotions that you don’t recognize right away. If you go through these things regularly, chances are you’re struggling a bit with feeling alone. The sooner you notice it, the sooner you can begin taking steps to change it.
1. Feeling Disconnected in Crowds
You could be in a room full of people and still feel like you’re completely and utterly alone. It’s a really bizarre experience, one that makes you feel kind of displaced and like something is wrong with you. It happens for a variety of reasons. Maybe you’re socially awkward; perhaps you’re dealing with anxiety or depression. Or, maybe you simply don’t want to be where you are your brain has basically shut itself off from the experience. While this is completely normal from time to time, if it becomes a regular experience for you, those feelings of loneliness could be threatening to take over your whole life.
2. Longing for Deeper Connections
We all want to share deep and meaningful connections with other people. No matter how independent and self-sufficient you are, the whole point of life is to find someone we like enough to share it and build something special with. When we lack that, it’s not long before feelings of loneliness begin to creep in. You find yourself wishing you had someone, anyone to share the journey with, and the fact that you don’t — even if that person is just a friend or even a family member — it can be really upsetting.
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4. Social Media FOMO
Social media is a double-edged sword when it comes to loneliness. On one hand, it helps you to stay connected with friends and be exposed to different people and places you might not have known about otherwise. However, the curated nature of social media can also trigger FOMO of the highest power. As you scroll through picture-perfect posts, it’s easy to feel like everyone else is leading a more exciting and fulfilling life than you are (even though you know deep down that’s total BS). You find yourself longing to live the highlight reels despite the fact that they’re not realistic at all.
5. Overanalyzing Past Relationships
Loneliness has the power to send you down a spiral of nostalgia, leading you to overanalyze past friendships and romantic relationships to the point that it drives you insane. You replay conversations and memories over and over, wondering where things went wrong and thinking about how you’d do things differently this time around. When this happens, you know you’re in danger. That being said, it’s also a natural response to feelings of loneliness, so try not to beat yourself up too much here. A bit of self-reflection is helpful when it comes to growth, but tearing yourself down won’t help anyone.
6. Questioning Your Self-Worth
It’s shocking how much loneliness can make you doubt yourself. You might start believing that there’s something inherently wrong with you that’s keeping you from forming meaningful relationships. This negative self-talk ends up being a really heavy emotional burden to carry. It’s important to recognize that loneliness is a really common human experience and doesn’t define your value as a person. Your worth isn’t determined by the number of friends you have or how much of a social butterfly you are. Be a bit nicer to yourself — you deserve it.
7. Keeping Busy to Distract from Loneliness
If you overload your schedule and find yourself burning the candle at both ends despite being utterly exhausted and not having a second to yourself, you might be battling feelings of loneliness but you’re in denial about it. Being busy is a good thing sometimes, but when your days are so jam-packed that you don’t have a second to breathe or think, you have to question what you’re running away from.
8. Seeking Validation Online
As sad as it is, looking for validation through likes, comments, and shares on Instagram, TikTok, etc. has become commonplace. Loneliness can amplify this behavior since getting positive feedback in this form can end up temporarily filling the emotional void (or so people think). However, I have to state what may be pretty obvious here: external validation, especially from strangers on the internet, is no substitute for genuine human connection. Building meaningful relationships offline is a better way to fight feelings of loneliness and feel more connected.
9. Yearning for a ‘Person’
The desire to find your ‘person’ — that one confidant, best friend, or partner who truly understands you — is a universal experience. We’ve all been there! That being said, being lonely can really intensify this feeling, can intensify this desire, making you feel almost desperate to find this special someone ASAP. As a result, you may end up rushing into toxic relationships or staying with people who don’t value you just to avoid being alone. Don’t do it!
10. Having impostor Syndrome in Social Settings
Impostor syndrome doesn’t just haunt you in your professional life; it can also rear its nasty head in social situations. You might question whether your friends actually like you or if you truly belong (spoiler alert: they do and you do). This self-doubt can hinder your ability to actually interact in a genuine way with other people, only adding to feelings of loneliness. Try to remember that you’re amazing and you bring a lot to the table. The people who know you are lucky to, and they’re likely well aware of it.
11. Feeling Like You’re on a Different Timeline
As you see friends and peers hitting significant life milestones like getting married, reaching the pinnacle of their careers, or having kids, you might feel like you’re lagging behind on a different timeline. Loneliness ends up creeping in when it seems like your life’s journey isn’t on par with everyone around you. It sounds cliche, but remember that everyone is on their own path and you’ll get to where you need to be when you’re meant to get there.
12. Hesitation to Open Up
Loneliness can create a strange paradox where you’re simultaneously desperate for connections but scared to open up about your feelings. You probably worry about being a burden to other people with your feelings, or you might be scared that people will think you’re too clingy or needy if you admit you’re not really okay. Sadly, this just keeps you further disconnected from the people around you, which will only make your loneliness worse.
13. Self-isolating and calling it self-care
There’s a fine line between practicing self-care and self-isolation when you’re struggling with loneliness. While taking time for yourself and doing the things you love is really important for your mental and emotional well-being, there’s always a risk of isolating yourself a little bit too much. As great as it is to enjoy your own company, you still need to find ways to connect with other people and nourish those relationships too, or those feelings of loneliness will only get stronger.
