I’m In A Serious Relationship But Moving In Together Is A Little TOO Serious For Me

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a few years now, so it’s not surprising that people have started asking when we’re going to move in together. The truth is, I’m no way near ready to sacrifice my independence and cohabitate. Here’s why living together is going to have to wait.

  1. Deciding to live with someone is a HUGE decision. Deciding to live together isn’t like choosing which takeaway to order or who’s going to get up to change channels—it’s a HUGE decision, and one that’s not too easy to undo. I’ll live with my girlfriends any day, but to make that commitment to another guy, I’d want to be pretty darn sure he was “The One.”
  2. I don’t want to miss out on any fun. Until my friends start settling down, no way do I want to be the one to miss out on all the fun. Moving in with someone creates unspoken rules—suddenly you’re having to check if it’s okay to go out with the girls and come back in the early hours. I’m totally committed to my relationship, but I don’t want to have to miss out on fun with my friends for it.
  3. I need my space. There’ll be days (okay, weeks) when I’m just not feeling social, period. In my own apartment or a house share, it’s perfectly acceptable to shut my bedroom door and hide away from the world. Not so easy to do when your BF shares your room. I work hard and socialize plenty, but when I come home, I need my own space. Until I’m ready to share a room and a bed, I’ll be staying well clear of living as a couple.
  4. Living with friends is a rite of passage. Who wants to go straight from living with their parents to with a long-term partner? Sharing a place with your girlfriends is a rite of passage that I definitely don’t want to miss out on. Whether it’s middle of the night heart to hearts or organizing the next great house party, I want to be part of it right from the start, not twiddling my thumbs in my one-bedroom aparment.
  5. I still love the excitement of dating. Part of the fun of being in a relationship is getting all dressed up for dates, then debriefing with your friends straight after. Imagine getting dressed in the same room as your partner, then coming home to the same house together (with none of the will we/won’t we excitement). Living apart makes getting together to see each other that bit more special—I want to hold onto that magic a little longer.
  6. It’s too easy to slip into housewife mode. Try as I might, the mothering gene runs strong through my veins, which means I have a compulsive need to clean up around my loved ones. I’m not blaming my BF, but I just know that if we lived together I’d end up doing more than my fair share of the cooking and cleaning. I’m happy playing the role of sloppy housemate for a little longer.
  7. Living together isn’t quality time. Of course I’d love to see more of my BF, but living together is hardly adding to our quality time. Getting to listen to him snore and having extra opportunities to nag about picking up his socks just wouldn’t add much to the romance. When you live together, scheduling dates seems unnecessary, so we’d end up with less quality time together than we have now. Not ideal.
  8. I’m not ready to get serious. Moving in together sets us on a path that inevitably leads to getting married, taking out a mortgage, and raising a brood of children. To be honest, I’m not even close to ready for that sort of commitment. I can be in a totally trusting, happy relationship without needing to sign any kind of rental agreement. Until I’m sure that I want things to progress, I’ll hold off sharing more than a cookie.
  9. My independence is precious. For me, being independent means not having to answer to anyone else. We can be in the most relaxed relationship ever, but if I’m heading out while my BF stays home, it seems only fair to tell him where I’m off to and when I’ll be back. It’s addictively freeing not having to answer to anyone about what I do and when. My independence is important to me, it’ll be a while before I sacrifice that for someone else.
  10. We have our whole lives to live together. Don’t get me wrong, I adore my BF, but it’s just for that reason that I don’t feel any rush to live together. If it’s meant to be, we’ll be able to move in one, two, even five years down the line. We’re always going to have the option to live together, whereas friends will have to move on with their lives at some point. Before I commit to living with someone for life, I want to make sure I’ve fully enjoyed being independent.
Isobel is a freelance blogger and writer for hire specialising in content for millennials who haven't quite got it together yet (i.e. herself). When not glued to her laptop, she enjoys eating cheese, doing yoga and spending time with family and friends.