Not all men are comfortable talking about their feelings. Sometimes, hidden struggles show up in subtle ways. If you notice these signs in a guy you care about, it might mean he’s hurting inside. Offering a listening ear and creating a safe space without judgment can make a big difference. Sometimes just knowing someone cares is the first step towards getting the help he might need.
1. He’s become withdrawn or irritable.
Does he suddenly seem distant, or snap at you for little things? This change in behavior might mean he’s overwhelmed and having trouble coping, per Mental Health America. It’s also worth considering if there’s something else causing him stress, like issues at work or a family situation.
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2. His sleep patterns have changed drastically.
If he can’t seem to drag himself out of bed, or up all night tossing and turning, there could be something deeper going on. Disrupted sleep is a major sign of stress or emotional turmoil. Also, keep in mind physical health issues can cause this too, so it’s worth encouraging him to see his doctor.
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3. He’s lost interest in his usual hobbies.
When a guy who used to be passionate about stuff suddenly doesn’t care anymore, it’s a red flag, Verywell Mind explains. This might indicate a lack of motivation or a deeper emotional issue. Be encouraging – maybe offer to try that hobby with him, or suggest finding something new together.
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4. There’s been a shift in his work habits.
Suddenly working all hours, or completely disengaging from his job, can both be signs of a struggle. Work is a core part of many men’s identities, so changes here are worth noting. It could be work-specific stress, or a sign that something deeper is going on in his life.
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5. He’s neglecting his appearance.
Forgetting to shower, wearing the same clothes, not caring how he looks — all of these can be signs of low self-esteem or feeling too overwhelmed to handle basics. It could also indicate depression, so pay attention to his mood and other potential signs.
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6. He’s turned to unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Increased drinking, substance use, or reckless behavior are often attempts to numb difficult emotions. These are serious red flags that he needs support. It’s a tough conversation, but an important one – approach it with care, not judgment.
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7. He’s constantly complaining or has a negative outlook.
While we all vent sometimes, constant negativity or seeing the worst in everything might mean he’s carrying a heavy emotional burden. Try redirecting the conversation gently – ask what did go well that day, or suggest a lighthearted distraction.
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8. He’s making self-deprecating jokes more often than usual.
Humor can be a defense mechanism. If his jokes seem to mask a deeper insecurity or pain, it’s worth paying closer attention. Reassure him that you value him, and try to steer conversations away from the self-deprecating stuff.
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9. He avoids talking about his feelings or shuts down when you try.
Many men have been taught to bottle things up. If he refuses to open up, even gently, it might be because he doesn’t know how, or is afraid to. Let him know you’re there for him, without pressure, and maybe suggest alternative ways to express emotions, like exercise or a creative outlet.
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10. He’s become excessively clingy or controlling.
Sudden neediness can stem from insecurity or fear. If his behavior feels stifling, it may be a misguided attempt to cope with a different kind of struggle. It’s important to set boundaries, but also try to reassure him that you care, and gently suggest that his actions aren’t helpful.
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11. He compares himself negatively to other people.
Feeling inadequate is a common source of internal struggle. If he’s always looking at other guys and finding himself lacking, his self-esteem may be taking a hit. Try to build him up with genuine compliments, and remind him that the comparison game never ends well for anyone.
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12. He’s unusually restless or fidgety.
Trouble sitting still can be a physical manifestation of pent-up anxiety or internal struggles. Notice changes from his normal baseline behavior. Maybe suggest an active outing, like a walk or a game of basketball – physical activity can sometimes help ease mental restlessness, too, Mayo Clinic notes.
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13. He’s making impulsive or reckless decisions.
Rash choices out of character for him might indicate an attempt to gain control, or a sign that something deeper is going on beneath the surface. Point out the potential consequences of these actions in a non-judgmental way, and remind him that you’re concerned for his well-being.
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14. He’s lost his sense of humor.
Difficulty finding joy in things that used to make him laugh suggests a heaviness that may need addressing. Try telling him a silly joke, or suggest watching a funny movie together. Lightening the mood can sometimes pave the way for a deeper conversation.
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15. He seems constantly exhausted or complains about physical ailments.
Stress and emotional pain can show up in the body. If he’s always tired, or has vague aches and pains, it might have a deeper root cause. Encourage him to see a doctor to rule out physical issues, and gently suggest that stress management techniques could be helpful, too.
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16. He talks about feeling hopeless or like there’s no point.
This is a major red flag for potential depression. If he expresses these feelings, take it seriously and encourage him to seek help. Let him know it’s okay to not be okay, and offer your support in finding a therapist or other resources.
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17. He’s isolating himself from friends and loved ones.
Withdrawal is a common sign of struggle. If he stops reaching out, or cancels plans more often, it’s time to check in. Don’t push him too hard, but let him know you’re there and suggest low-key ways to hang out.
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18. You have a gut feeling that something’s wrong.
Intuition is powerful! If you sense something is off, even if you can’t pinpoint it, trust your instincts and offer support. Start by simply saying, “Hey, I’ve noticed you seem different lately. Is everything okay?” That open-ended question might be all he needs to start talking.
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