If Someone Does These 15 Subtle Things, Deep Down They’re Quite Lonely

If Someone Does These 15 Subtle Things, Deep Down They’re Quite Lonely

Loneliness is pretty insidious in that it’s not always obvious when someone is experiencing it and it can quickly become overwhelming. You might think your best friend, sibling, or colleague is doing just fine, but if you notice them exhibiting these behaviors, they may be feeling incredibly lonely deep down.

1. They live for social media.

When someone’s life looks like an open book on social media, with constant updates, selfies, and engagement, it’s not just about sharing; it’s a loud cry for connection. This person isn’t living in the moment; they’re curating it for likes, hoping each notification fills the silence of their real-life interactions. It’s less about the joy of experiences and more about the fear of feeling unnoticed, unappreciated, and ultimately, alone in a crowd.

2. They never say no to plans.

This person is always in. Invites for coffee, parties, random errands—you name it, they’re there. It might seem like they’re the life of the party, but this relentless availability is a red flag. They’re not energized by these interactions; they’re drained by the thought of being alone. Their calendar isn’t packed with joy; it’s padded with fear, a defense mechanism against the silence of their own company.

3. They’re never single for very long.

Jumping from one romantic interest to another isn’t about a rich love life; it’s a cover-up for loneliness. This behavior screams of someone trying to fill the void, not their heart. Each new partner is a temporary fix to a deeper issue, a way to avoid facing the emptiness that lurks when they’re single. They’re not in love with the people; they’re in love with the idea of not being alone.

4. They work themselves into the ground.

guy looking stressed at desk with laptop

The first to arrive and the last to leave, this person’s work ethic might seem admirable, but it’s actually a smokescreen. They’re not chasing success; they’re running from solitude. Their desk isn’t just a workspace; it’s a safe space, where the buzz of activity drowns out the whisper of loneliness. This isn’t ambition; it’s avoidance, where the fear of quiet moments drives them to fill every second with tasks.

5. They shop a lot.

Woman in mid 30s goes shopping for denim jeans in a mall or a clothing store.

When someone’s hobby seems to be collecting bags from shopping sprees, it’s not just consumerism; it’s an attempt to distract from an inner void. They’re not just buying things; they’re searching for a piece of happiness in every purchase, hoping that the next item will be the key to fulfillment. But the thrill fades, leaving them with clutter and the same gnawing loneliness, leading to a cycle of buy, feel empty, repeat.

6. They’re always the listener, never the talker.

This person is everyone’s shoulder to cry on but never shares their own burdens. It’s not just because they’re good at listening; it’s because they’re afraid of being vulnerable. By focusing on others’ problems, they avoid facing their own loneliness. It’s a distraction technique, not a noble trait. They fear that sharing their own struggles might drive people away, leaving them more isolated than before.

7. They’re always nostalgic for times gone by.

two men talking in cafe

Always talking about the past, this person seems stuck in a time loop. It’s not just fond memories; it’s an escape from current loneliness. They idealize the past because it feels safer than confronting their present disconnection. This isn’t about preserving history; it’s about fearing the present and future, where forming new, meaningful relationships seems daunting.

8. They’re obsessed with perfection.

narcissistic man looking in mirror

Obsessed with details, this person’s quest for perfection is a fortress against loneliness. Every task has to be flawless, not because they seek excellence, but because they fear what’s left when there’s nothing to fix: an overwhelming sense of isolation. This isn’t about setting high standards; it’s about using those standards as a wall to keep others out and avoid facing the emptiness inside.

9. Their mood changes from minute to minute.

Their emotional state flips like a light switch, which might seem like just a quirky trait, but it’s a tumultuous sea signaling deep loneliness. These mood swings stem from a lack of stable, deep connections, making their emotions fragile and easily disturbed. It’s not just temperament; it’s a sign of an inner turmoil fueled by isolation.

10. They’re always tired.

Tired caucasian man sitting on bed. Concept of bad morning at home alone or insomnia

Complaining about being tired despite a full night’s sleep? This isn’t just about poor sleep quality; it’s the exhaustion from carrying the weight of loneliness. They’re not resting because their mind is racing with thoughts of disconnection, making them feel drained before the day even starts. This fatigue is more about emotional depletion than physical tiredness.

11. All the conversations they have are superficial.

Female friends in casual wearing chatting with each other while sitting on sofa and drinking coffee in cozy living room at home

Sticking to small talk, this person avoids diving into anything deeper. It’s not because they prefer light chats; it’s because they fear genuine connection might expose their loneliness. They keep conversations at the surface as a protective measure, steering clear of the vulnerability that comes with deeper engagement. It’s a defense mechanism, not a preference.

12. They never want to look anyone in the eye.

unhappy family

This subtle sign is easy to miss. They might be listening, but their eyes dart away, not out of shyness, but because true connection is intimidating. Eye contact is a bridge to deeper connection, and avoiding it is a way to maintain a safe distance. It’s not just awkwardness; it’s a barrier they’re putting up.

13. All of their interests are meant to be done alone.

Suddenly, they’re all about solo activities—painting, running, reading. It seems like self-improvement, but it’s often a retreat. They’re not just exploring new interests; they’re filling their time to avoid facing the loneliness that comes with downtime. These hobbies are less about passion and more about distraction.

14. Their laughter feels a bit hollow.

two men laughing and chatting on city street

Laughing too loudly or too often, their humor feels forced. It’s not that they find everything hilariously funny; it’s a cover-up for their discomfort with silence and a tool to keep people around. This over-the-top laughter is a shield, protecting them from the vulnerability that comes with genuine, sometimes quiet, interactions.

15. Their eating habits have changed.

Using food as a comfort or a control mechanism is a classic sign. Whether it’s overeating for comfort or restricting food for control, both extremes are about managing feelings of loneliness. They’re not just eating (or not eating); they’re trying to fill (or control) an emotional void with food, using it as a substitute for the fulfillment they crave from connections.

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Originally from Australia, Emma Mills graduated from the University of Queensland with a dual degree in Philosophy and Applied Linguistics before moving to Los Angeles to become a professional matchmaker (a bit of a shift, obviously). Since 2015, she has helped more than 150 people find lasting love and remains passionate about bringing amazing singletons together.

Emma is also the author of the upcoming Hachette publication, "Off the Beaten Track: Finding Lasting Love in the Least Likely of Places," due out in January 2025.