Staying In A Loveless Relationship Will Slowly Destroy You

Relationships and love go hand in hand, right? Not always. Many couples stay together even though the love either faded away long ago or they were never in love to begin with. Why? It could be a living situation, fear of being alone or possibly even children being involved. Whatever the reason, it’s not worth staying in a loveless relationship. You might think it’ll be alright to start with, but over time, it only tears you down. A couple without love is destined to fall apart or live their lives in the most miserable way. It’s better to be single than deal with that type of emotional torment day after day.

  1. You deserve to be loved. Some women say that their crappy relationships are the best they can do. Hey, at least the men like them, right? They feel they don’t really deserve to be loved and they convince themselves that’s true. It doesn’t matter what happened in your life, though. You deserve a relationship where you’re truly loved. If you don’t feel that way yet, you must work on building your self-worth before you even think about dating.
  2. It only leads to resentment. The more happy couples you see, the more you start to resent your situation and your partner. You blame them for taking away years from your life and you blame yourself for settling. A bitter life isn’t exactly fun, so don’t do it to yourself. Both of you are worthy of a fulfilling connection. If that’s not with each other, you have to accept it.
  3. Your self-esteem takes a nosedive. The longer you stay in a loveless relationship, the less worthy you feel. There’s very little intimacy (if any), just general communication and you’re not exactly a priority. While no one does this on purpose, it’s a form of emotional abuse and it’ll kill the self-esteem of even the strongest woman.
  4. Cheating is inevitable. Some couples who both realize the love just isn’t there agree to an open relationship, while others still try to remain faithful. The problem is, the stress of coming home every day to someone who doesn’t love you makes cheating sound like a good idea. Why stay if one or both you wants to be with someone else all the time?
  5. It doesn’t benefit anyone. Sure, it seems easier to just stay together to keep that cheap apartment rent you locked in several years ago or avoid losing any mutual friends, but all the resentment, loss of self-esteem, and inevitable cheating affects everyone around you. Eventually, all the negativity causes you to lose friends, push away family and even makes any children you share miserable too.
  6. You both deserve to have your needs met. In a relationship, you have certain basic physical and emotional needs. This could involve sex, holding each other close, communication and emotional support. But, subtract love from the equation and those needs don’t get met. You both deserve better than that.
  7. You miss out on being cherished. One of the best parts of a serious relationship is that feeling of being cherished. You feel like you’re the whole world for the other person and vice versa. When the love goes away, you’re not special or cherished. You’re lucky if you’re even considered a friend.
  8. It’ll never change. Sadly, the loveless part is often one sided. You think you can change him by loving him. I hate to tell you, but that never works. He won’t suddenly start loving you just because you love him. Don’t keep putting up with a crappy relationship for unrequited love.
  9. Isn’t happiness better than depression? It’s hard to stay happy when you’re wasting your life in a relationship where you’ll never be loved like you deserve. What does this lead to? Feelings of depression or even an actual diagnosis of depression. Breaking up might make you sad at first, but you’ll recover and be happy again.
  10. He’s not worth it. I don’t care how good of a friend he is or how much the two of you went through together, he’s not worth it. If he doesn’t love you or you don’t love him, it’s time to end it. You could always stay friends, but you deserve the chance to have a relationship with someone else.
  11. It creates gaps between you and your friends. The worse you feel about your relationship, the worse your mood becomes. You may even start hating to be around any of your couple friends who are actually in love. The longer the situation continues, the further you’ll push your friends away until it’s just you and your loveless partner.
  12. You’ll just live separate lives, anyway. Since there’s no love, you don’t really want to spend that much time together. Odds are, you have individual hobbies and spend as much time apart as possible. You’re not “making it work,” you’re living a separate life entirely. Why not just do this without the miserable relationship?
  13. You’ll likely give up on your dreams. As your self-esteem fades away, you lose all hope of ever achieving your dreams. Maybe you wanted to go back to school to switch careers or start your own business. If you don’t believe in yourself anymore, you give up on trying anything new.
  14. You’re missing out on the right person. If these reasons aren’t enough to get you out of a loveless relationship, maybe this one will do it for you. There IS a man out there who will love you. You just haven’t met him yet. He might pass you by if you’re living your life with someone you can’t love you. You owe it to the right guy and yourself to end the charade and be sure you’re available when the time comes.

Signs you’re in a loveless relationship

The notion that love lasts forever is one that we all want to believe in. Unfortunately, it’s just not realistic. In some relationships, the love just disappears and you could end up trapped in a loveless relationship without even realizing it. Here are a few signs to be aware of so you don’t have to waste your time in a relationship that’s run its course.

  1. Sex feels like a chore. Can you remember the last time you and your partner were intimate? Like, really passionate? Couples who aren’t really feeling each other anymore will notice a decline in sex drive. You either don’t have sex at all or when you do, it feels like you’re doing it out of obligation. Even loving couples who are busy and can’t find the time to do it often still make it a passionate, intimate act whenever they get a chance.
  2. You don’t miss them when they’re gone. It’s healthy for couples to do things without each other. The problems come in when you don’t ever miss them when they’re gone. If you go on a girls trip with your friends and you don’t miss them in the slightest, it could be a sign you just don’t care about being apart. A little practice of absence makes the heart grow fonder is good for a relationship. However, if it’s more of an out of sight, out of mind feeling, the love may have left the building.
  3. You never want to be touched by your partner or vice versa. Physical touch is an important part of creating and fostering a bond in your relationship. Holding hands, hugging, or just placing a hand on your partner can give you a rush of endorphins. But if the idea if touching them doesn’t appeal to you, you probably don’t have any desire towards them anymore. Of course, it can go both ways. If your partner never wants to engage in physical touch, they don’t feel the love either.
  4. You’d rather hang out with your friends than your partner. Friend time is very important, especially when you’re in a cohabitating relationship. It’s great to get out and see your friends, but if you find yourself planning more and more outings with them just to get away from your partner or you’re more excited about seeing your friends than going on dates, you’re probably over the relationship.
  5. You find them to be extremely boring. At the beginning of your relationship, you probably found your partner so fascinating. You wanted to learn everything about their life, family, job, etc. Now, the thought of listening to them talk about their favorite hobby bores you to tears. You just don’t care anymore. Maybe you don’t even feel like telling them stories about your life because you just can’t stand engaging in conversation with them. This isn’t a normal relationship behavior. Even couples who have been together forever could find chatting about their menu for the week fascinating.
  6. There are changes in the way you fight. All couples argue in one way or another. It’s typical and a sign of a healthy relationship. There are two tell-tale signs your relationship is loveless in terms of fighting: You either never argue with each other or you have the same fight over and over again. By not arguing with each other, it’s a sign that you simply don’t care enough to bother with a fight. There’s no passion. It just doesn’t matter to you. If you fight over and over again about the same thing, it’s a sign that your communication is not healthy. You can’t compromise or come to an agreement so the argument just keeps going in circles.
  7. Everything about your partner annoys you. Everyone has their own quirks that make them special. Maybe your partner has a silly way they laugh when they’re watching a funny movie. At the beginning of your relationship, you might have found these quirks adorable. When you’re relationship has become loveless, the cute, weird things they used to do suddenly irk you to your core. You can’t stand them. When you’re in love, you love everything about your partner. When you fall out of love, you become easily annoyed with them.
  8. Neither of you is making an effort. When you’re in a relationship, you make time for one another. You plan dates, you bring them little surprises, and you put in the effort to foster your relationship. When things turn loveless, the effort goes away. You don’t care to put in the effort, you may not even want to. When both you and your partner are showing no signs of fostering the relationship, it’s time to call it quits. There’s no point in continuing a loveless relationship that neither of you is invested in anymore.
  9. You find yourself feeling jealous of other couples. You’re not one to compare your relationship to other people’s but you do it all the time now. You hate hearing about your friends’ happy relationships because yours just… isn’t. Seeing happy couples is equally as frustrating because you want what they have. That’s probably because what you have isn’t so great anymore.
  10. You suddenly have a wandering eye. You can’t help but notice attractive people when you go out. It’s not that you were ever blind to them, it’s just that they’re way more on your radar than they ever used to be and in a totally different way. Maybe you consider cheating or you actually do it. Either way, this is not a good sign.
Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.