This Is Why I Still Love You, Even Though I’m Not IN Love With You Anymore

The concept of loving someone vs. being in love with them is nothing new, but until you experience it for yourself, it can be hard to comprehend how your feelings for a romantic partner could change in such a dramatic way. I’ll admit that I struggled to understand it myself… until my relationship with you ended. I’m honestly relieved that we’re no longer together as a couple, but this is why I haven’t stopped loving you in spite of everything we’ve been through:

  1. We have a lot of amazing memories together. For all the crap we went through together, the good really does outweigh the bad. We did EVERYTHING as a couple, not because it was romantic, but because we enjoyed doing the same stuff… and we enjoyed doing it together. We might not be creating new memories anymore, but I still treasure the ones we have, and I’d do it all again knowing how things turned out in the end.
  2. You were always more like a best friend than a boyfriend. Let’s face it: despite the kisses and the cuddles, we were never the most romantic couple out there. As much as we wanted to be together, the chemistry that makes a successful relationship work just wasn’t there. But our friendship was incredible. We had that vibe that everyone wants with their BFF, and we rocked it. It was easy to stop being your girlfriend, but having to take a step back from our friendship tore me apart.
  3. You know me better than anyone else. You know the differences between my “hungry” bad moods, my “on my period” bad moods, and my “something’s actually wrong” bad moods. You have me figured out, and I always liked to think I knew you inside and out, too. It’s so rare to find a connection like that, and even though we don’t see each other as romantic partners anymore, I’m just glad to have someone like you in my life.
  4. We’ve been through way too much for that bond to be erased. We might be young, but man, have we been through some crap. And for the time we were together, we supported each other through it all. You can’t go through stuff like that and just pretend like it never happened, like the person that got you through some of the toughest times of your life now means nothing to you.
  5. We were soulmates for this part of our lives. We weren’t destined to grow old together, as much as we talked wistfully about how we wanted it to happen. But that doesn’t mean that we weren’t destined to be together at all. You were my boyfriend during a time in my life when I needed you and you needed me. I don’t know how much I believe in the idea of fate, but if it exists, I know it brought you and me together for a reason… even if we weren’t made to last forever.
  6. We still “click.” Even after all the fights, all the heartbreak, and all the growing up we did, you and I still seem to fit together like puzzle pieces. We might have been a bit of a mess when it came to the girlfriend-boyfriend stuff, but as people, we still mesh ridiculously well. You don’t meet many people you get along with like that in a single lifetime, and I feel grateful that you and I still share that despite all the hell we put each other through.
  7. I have so much fun with you. Every time we get together, I laugh until I cry. You have a way of making mundane activities enjoyable and enjoyable activities an absolute blast. And judging by the smile that takes over your face when we hang out, I feel safe in saying that you feel the same way about me. I’m a bit of an introvert, but when we’re together, I love being out and having a great time with someone who means the world to me.
  8. You’re the first person I want to run to when things go wrong. I know I have to maintain some difficult boundaries now that we’re broken up; it’s necessary for us to get some time apart so we both can heal. But every time I have a bad day at work or I just need a shoulder to cry on, I struggle to hold myself back from bringing your name up on my phone. You were my go-to for so long, and it’s hard to shake that off even when I know I should. I just don’t trust many people the same way I trust you.
  9. You’re honestly a really awesome guy. The reason we broke up had much more to do with a lack of compatibility than anything you or I did wrong. If you asked me to get back together again, I’d still give you a hard “no.” But that doesn’t mean that I think you’re a bad guy. You’re just bad for me. Honestly, you’re generous, kind, and selfless, and any girl would be lucky to call you hers. I hold nothing against you, and I much prefer holding this platonic love for you instead of hating you.
  10. I don’t need to date you to want you in my life. You were always so much more than a boyfriend to me, so it would be absurd to me to completely eliminate you from my life just because we aren’t dating. We get along so well, and I’m content knowing that our relationship has transformed rather than disappearing altogether.
  11. The kind of love we have never really goes away. Even if I wanted to stop caring about you, I wouldn’t be able to bring myself to do it. The love we have for each other transcends romantic relationships; it’s too deep to just disappear because we broke up. As the years go by, we’ll probably end up talking less, and at one point, we’ll likely outgrow each other completely and gradually cease all communication. But even when I’m an old woman, I know I’ll be able to think about you with a smile on my face.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.