Stop Overanalyzing His Behavior & Just Ask Him What The Deal Is

So you’re dating someone who doesn’t give much away. You’re trying your best to interpret the signals they’re sending but they’re not very easy to read. Sometimes it’s tempting to drop the dating etiquette and quiz them on all the things you’re not really supposed to mention. Here are 11 reasons you should do exactly that.

  1. Trying to guess how he feels might be fun now but it gets old quick. Sure, dissecting cryptic messages can be a somewhat intriguing challenge at first, but guessing whether someone is actually interested in you months down the line is not so entertaining. Going back and forth over every little thing that was said or done and trying to work out what it might mean is emotionally draining. Dating is meant to be fun, not an exercise in deduction.
  2. Being forward doesn’t mean there won’t be any mystery. Asking some slightly blunter questions than usual doesn’t mean that your date will automatically become an open book. He’s not going to immediately start sharing details of his bowel movements or the contents of his dream diary (hopefully). There’s still plenty of opportunity for mystery and magic without being a complete enigma.
  3. You’re not in high school anymore. Back in the day, we didn’t have to rely on sending the ‘right signals’ or expressing ourselves, we just told the high school gossip who we were crushing on and they did the rest. Alas, those days are gone. It’s time to bite the bullet and get the gossip yourself.
  4. Asking questions gets rid of the power play. A power play in dating usually means that one party has more power in the relationship than the other. And just to be extra clear, if you’re the one struggling to interpret your date’s signals and trying to act accordingly, you’re definitely not the one in control. So, you can either follow your date’s lead and end up in a signal-sending stalemate or you can take the reigns and start asking some questions. As long as you’re both willing to share as much as each other, you’ll quickly find yourself away from the unfortunate end of a power play.
  5. It’s much more satisfying taking control. There’s this funny old idea that asking direct questions is breaking the rules of dating. Well, breaking the rules can be both terrifying and thrilling. Just imagine the possibilities if you both said what you meant instead of performing some elaborate mating ritual of signs and signals. “Do you want to hang out tonight?” “Do you like me?” “Where is this going?” “Are you going to eat that?”
  6. He might not even understand the signals he’s sending. If you’re hoping that mixed messages and strange signals are leading to some deeper meaning, you may be disappointed. Often, if you can’t work out what he wants, he might not know himself. The ‘signals’ you think he’s giving may just be indecisiveness. Start asking this guy some questions and he might finally make his mind up. Of course, if he’s particularly unsure, a few questions may send him running to the hills, but good riddance to that guy!
  7. Forgoing the ‘signal reading period’ saves time. This reason may be a bit of a mood killer for all you old-fashioned romantics, but really, who’s got time for playing games? The will-they-won’t-they dance may look great in the movies, but don’t forget, movies are only 90 minutes. It seems pretty unlikely that Katherine Heigl has time for that crap in real life. Plus, the will-they-won’t-they game is only really fun if you end up with a ‘yes, they will’ answer, it’s not so fun if you get the other result.
  8. You can work out if dating him is all about ‘the chase.’ Let’s be honest, sometimes the thrill of dating someone is working out if the feeling goes both ways. Often, when you finally stop sending each other mixed signals and confirm you like each other, you realize that the only real spark between you was ‘the chase.’
  9. He might have questions for you too. You might not want to admit it but you may have been sending some confusing signals yourself. Being a little more candid may just prompt your date to ask a few of his own questions too.
  10. No more worrying about what he ‘really means.’ Here’s a thought—instead of asking yourself what he meant when he said something, ask him! There might be a simple answer that makes you feel better, or you may realize that you misinterpreted things. There is a chance that he may have meant exactly what you were worried he meant, but hey, now you know!
  11. It’s just a conversation. Dating doesn’t have to be some kind of twisted game. In the end, you ask a question, he answers it, he asks a question, you answer it… wait, that’s just having a conversation! Don’t hold back the questions that you really want to ask, your date may just give you the answers that you really want to hear.
Isabelle is a freelance writer from Leeds, England. She enjoys discovering hidden cafes and getting lost on her bicycle (often not on purpose).