You’ve always known how to work your parents to get what you want from them, but those tactics don’t automatically get put to rest once you become an adult. In fact, plenty of grown children still know just what to say to manipulate their parents into giving into them — here are a few of the phrases they tend to use.
1. “C’mon, you’re my only hope!”
Parents and superheroes have a lot in common. They’re both seen as problem solvers and life savers. But when a grown adult starts laying it on thick, they’re probably trying to get you to step in where they should be stepping up. It’s essential to encourage independence and problem-solving skills in your adult children. Seeing through this tactic can help maintain a healthier, more balanced relationship.
2. “If you hadn’t…”
Ah, the old blame game — it’s a classic for a reason. Grown kids might try to pin their problems on decisions you made way back when. They’re hoping you’ll feel guilty enough to swoop in and make everything right. As a parent, understanding this can help establish open communication and let them know that past decisions were made with the best intentions.
3. “You always liked them better!”
Sibling rivalry isn’t just a kid thing — adult kids can whip it out as a way to play their parents. The goal? Make you feel guilty enough to prove how much you love them, usually by doing what they want. In these instances, it can definitely help to reinforce that love isn’t a competition and that each child is valued equally.
4. “My friend’s parents would totally do it.”
The old peer pressure play is all too common. If your grown child starts comparing you to the Joneses, they’re likely trying to guilt you into keeping up. Resist the urge to compete, your bank account will thank you. Remember, every family has its own dynamics, and it’s not a one-size-fits-all situation.
5. “This is all your fault.”
Here’s a fun one. Your grown child messes up and somehow it’s your fault. Don’t fall for it. Everyone’s responsible for their own actions, even your darling offspring. Encouraging them to take responsibility for their actions can help them grow as individuals and make more informed decisions in the future.
6. “You just don’t get me.”
This line’s a classic. It’s meant to make you question your parenting skills and make you feel out of touch. Don’t let it get to you. You’re doing your best, and that’s all anyone can ask. Using this as a chance to open up a dialogue about their feelings can help strengthen your relationship and understanding of each other.
7. “Once you do this, I can move on.”
The old ‘if-then’ promise. If you do this, then they’ll do that. It’s a clever way to shift responsibility from them onto you. But remember, they’re adults now. They need to stand on their own two feet. Helping them understand this can lead to them becoming more self-reliant and confident in their abilities.
8. “Everyone else is doing it.”
This appeal to the collective can be a sneaky way for grown children to manipulate their parents. The implication is that if the parent refuses the request, they are somehow being unfair or out of touch. Standing your ground can be hard but necessary. It’s important to remember that decisions should be made based on individual circumstances, not societal pressure or trends.
9. “I’m not as successful as you were at my age.”
Comparison is a thief of joy and a manipulative tactic. By comparing their success to yours at their age, your grown child may be trying to guilt you into providing more support. Encourage them to focus on their own journey and growth. Everyone moves at their own pace in life, and it’s not a race.
10. “You owe me because you missed my…”
Debt is a common manipulative tool. If your grown child starts tallying up past missed events or perceived mistakes, it’s a way for them to make you feel like you owe them. It’s crucial to remind them that love and responsibility are not transactional. Everyone makes mistakes, and it’s important to forgive and move forward.
11. “I just can’t do it without you.”
Over-reliance is another form of manipulation. By stating they can’t do something without you, your grown child is trying to guilt you into stepping in. Encourage their independence and reassure them of their capabilities. They need to learn to overcome challenges on their own.
12. “You wouldn’t want me to end up like…”
Predicting a negative outcome is a fear-based manipulation tactic. The grown child implies that without the parent’s help, they’ll end up in a dire situation. Remind them that their choices shape their future and that you believe in their ability to make good decisions.
13. “If you loved me, you would…”
An appeal to love is a potent manipulative tactic. It ties the parent’s actions directly to their love for their child, which can pressure the parent into complying. Love is not about constantly meeting demands. It’s about nurturing, guiding, and supporting each other in a healthy and respectful manner.
14. “No one else cares about me.”
This is an emotional plea designed to make the parent feel like they are the child’s only hope. It can be a manipulative tactic used to guilt the parent into providing support or assistance. It’s important to foster a sense of self-worth and resilience in your grown children and remind them of the various support systems they have in their lives.
15. “You’re the reason I’m like this.”
Ah, the old cause-and-effect tactic. When your adult child starts pointing fingers at you for their personality traits or life choices, they might be hoping you’ll feel guilty enough to bend to their will. Remember, while upbringing can influence personality, everyone has the power to shape their own character and life. Encouraging self-awareness and personal growth can help them understand this better.
16. “I thought you wanted the best for me.”
This can feel like a low blow. By questioning your desires for their well-being, your grown child may be trying to guilt you into providing more support. It’s key to remember that wanting the best for them also means encouraging self-reliance, responsibility, and resilience. It’s about helping them build a strong foundation, not just providing a safety net.
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