We all want to be liked, but people-pleasing only gets you so far. If you find yourself constantly putting everyone else’s needs before your own and being treated like a second-class citizen in your own life, it’s time for a spine check. Here’s your wake-up call — grow a backbone and start demanding the respect you deserve, for goodness’ sake.
1. You apologize even when you haven’t done anything wrong.
If the words “I’m sorry” are your default response to everything, even when you’re not at fault, sorry, but you’re lacking in the backbone department. Constantly apologizing is a way of taking responsibility for things that aren’t your problem, and it tells people that you’re an easy target. Learn to save your apologies for when you’ve actually done something wrong, and start standing up for yourself when you’re not to blame.
2. You let people interrupt you all the time.
Do you find yourself getting cut off mid-sentence all the time? Do people talk over you like you’re not even there? If so, it’s a clear sign that you need to assert yourself more. Letting people interrupt you is a way of giving up your power and allowing other people to control the conversation. Next time someone tries to cut you off, keep talking and make it clear that you won’t be silenced.
3. You avoid conflict at all costs (even when it’s necessary).
Conflict is never fun, but avoiding it at all costs is a sign of weakness. If you find yourself constantly biting your tongue, swallowing your feelings, and letting things slide just to keep the peace, it’s time to start speaking up for yourself. Engaging in healthy conflict is a way of setting boundaries and making it clear that you won’t be pushed around. Don’t be afraid to rock the boat a little if it means standing up for what you believe in.
4. You’re always the one compromising.
Compromise is an important part of any relationship, but if you find yourself always being the one to give in and meet other people halfway, it’s a sign that you’re not standing up for your own needs. Healthy relationships involve give and take, not just one person constantly bending over backwards to please the other. Start advocating for your own wants and needs, and don’t be afraid to say no when something doesn’t work for you.
5. You let people take advantage of your kindness.
Being kind and generous is a wonderful thing, but if you find that people are constantly taking advantage of your good nature, it’s a sign that you need to set some boundaries. Letting people walk all over you and use you for their own gain is not okay, no matter how nice you are. Learn to say no when people ask for too much, and start prioritizing your own needs and well-being.
6. You do a lot of favors but rarely get any in return.
If you find yourself constantly going out of your way to help other people but rarely having that kindness reciprocated, it’s a clear sign that you’re being taken for granted. Doing favors is great, but it should be a two-way street. If you’re always the one giving and never receiving, it’s time to start being a little more selective about who you help and when.
7. You let people speak to you disrespectfully.
If you find yourself constantly being spoken to in a rude, condescending, or disrespectful way, it’s a sign that you need to start standing up for yourself. No one deserves to be treated poorly, no matter who they are. If someone is speaking to you in a way that makes you feel small or unimportant, call them out on it. Let them know that their behavior is unacceptable and that you won’t tolerate being spoken to in that way.
8. You’re always the one reaching out and making plans.
If you’re always the one texting or calling first and asking to hang out with friends and loved ones, it’s a sign that you may be putting in more effort than you’re receiving. While it’s great to be proactive in your relationships, it shouldn’t always fall on you to keep things going. If you’re feeling like you’re doing all the work, it may be time to take a step back and see who reaches out to you.
9. You’re cool with people canceling plans last minute.
We all have to cancel plans sometimes, but if you find that certain people in your life are constantly bailing on you at the last minute, it’s a sign that they don’t value your time or prioritize your relationship. If this happens repeatedly, it’s time to start setting some boundaries. Let them know that your time is valuable and that you won’t tolerate being constantly blown off.
10. You don’t speak up when people treat you like crap.
Are you always staying quiet when people are being rude or disrespectful to you? That’s a clear sign that you need to start standing up for yourself. Whether it’s a boss who constantly belittles you or a partner who doesn’t treat you with kindness, staying quiet only allows the behavior to continue. Find your voice and start advocating for yourself, even if it feels scary at first.
11. You let people make decisions for you.
Constantly deferring to other people and letting them make choices on your behalf proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that you need to start trusting your own judgment. While it’s great to get input and advice from other people, especially ones you trust or look up to, at the end of the day, you’re the one who has to live with the consequences of your decisions. Start taking ownership of your life and making choices that align with your own values and goals.
12. You don’t set boundaries with toxic people.
We all have difficult people in our lives, but if you find that you’re constantly them to bring you down and drain your energy, it’s a sign that you need to buck up and start setting some firm boundaries. This may mean limiting your interactions with them, saying no to unreasonable requests, or even cutting them out of your life altogether. You need to protect yourself, after all.
13. You don’t ask for what you want or need.
If you’re constantly putting your own needs and desires on the back burner in order to please everyone else or not rock the boat, newsflash: you need to start speaking up for yourself. Whether it’s asking for a raise at work, expressing your needs in a relationship, or simply stating your preferences in a given situation, learning to advocate for yourself is a really important part of developing a strong sense of self.
14. You let people take credit for your work or ideas.
People constantly taking credit for your hard work or passing off your ideas as their own — and you letting them do it! — is a sign that you need to grow a backbone and asserting your value. Don’t be afraid to speak up and make it clear that you’re the one who deserves recognition for your contributions. You have just as much right to be acknowledged and appreciated as anyone else.
15. You don’t trust your own instincts.
Finally, if you find that you’re constantly second-guessing yourself and doubting your own intuition, it’s a sign that you need to start developing more self-trust. Your gut instincts are there for a reason, and learning to listen to them is a crucial part of growing a backbone. Start paying attention to that little voice inside you that tells you when something doesn’t feel right, and trust that you have the wisdom and strength to navigate any situation that comes your way.
Enjoy this piece? Give it a like and follow Bolde on MSN for more!
