Trump’s America Is Ruining My Life, Including My Sex Life

Let’s face it—things are not great in America right now. The majority of our news is bad and to be perfectly honest, it’s affecting all aspects of my life including but not limited to my sex life. Thanks a lot, Trump.

  1. I haven’t had sex in 10 days and this has been pretty much the norm since 2017. There’s nothing wrong with going 10 days without sex if that’s your norm. For my boyfriend and me, that’s about five days longer than we’re comfortable with. Ever since Trump took office, our pillow talk has been replaced by rants on the absurdity taking place in the White House. By the end of the night, we’re both exhausted, but not for the reasons we used to be.
  2. Regardless of what you’ve heard, Impending Doom is not an aphrodisiac. I don’t know how many times I have to say this: global warfare is NOT sexy. When you’re constantly worried about the threat of a third world war, fun sexy times drop a few spaces on your list of priorities. It’s the worst.
  3. Being subjected to Trump’s “sexcapades” all but shrivels up my lady partsI’m a millennial, albeit a very old one. I was just young enough to be able to remember but not really internalize the whole Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky debacle, so I didn’t have the displeasure of being forced to picture my old white president getting freaky with his intern. But thanks to people like Billy Bush and national treasure Stormy Daniels, we not only get detailed accounts of Trump in the act, we get actual audio of how he spits his game to the ladies. It’s a  real treat for the senses.
  4. The only thing my boyfriend and I go down on is a rabbit hole of dire outcomes.
    I hate to brag, but foreplay used to be my jam. It seems like only yesterday it was 2016 and my BF and I were getting it popping on the daily, sometimes hourly. However, lately it feels different, like the energy has been sucked out of the room. We’ve definitely been in a funk since, oh, I don’t know, November 9th, 2016. It might be a coincidence, but I guess we’ll never know.
  5. The Trump Administration not believing in climate change stresses me out and I’m a stress eater. I swear, every time I hear about another rollback on an Obama-era rule or regulation, it’s like I hulk out. But instead of wreaking havoc on a city, I go absolutely bananas on a platter of nachos. I don’t know if I’m subconsciously giving up on trying to look good naked because there’s basically no point if our planet is doomed or if this is a coping mechanism that I’m falling back on until we have a more competent, less insane administration. Either way, gone are the days of me sauntering around in my croppiest tops and tiniest short shorts. It seriously bums me out.
  6. #BlackLivesMatter #MeToo #NeverAgain—shall I go on? Honestly, I can’t put into words how important these issues are. They’re detrimental to the safety and well-being of women, children, and people of color. Seems like common sense, right? Not to Trump and his supporters, all of whom seem to think that giving equal rights to anyone who’s not an old white dude is a bad idea. It’s a major turn-off.
  7. Hearing the name Obama is like running into that ex that you’ll never get over, like ever. We’ve all been there; you and your guy break up and you feel like your life is over. But then some time passes and you start to feel like yourself again. Things are good, you’re doing well, and then BAM! You run into your ex and the glow-up is REAL. Did he always look that good? That happy? Are his teeth whiter? That’s how it feels every time I see or hear anything about Barack or Michelle. It’s like, I want them to be happy even if it’s not with me because that’s what real love is, but it also still stings my heart to know that we can’t be together anymore.
  8. Smug, unflattering pictures of Trump are everywhere and they make me dry as a desert. I try not to be a judgmental person. Inner beauty is more important and definitely more enduring than any perfectly symmetrical face. That being said, whatever is going on with Trump’s hair and body have me a little shook. Sometimes I’ll just be minding my own business, scrolling down my Instagram feed and I’ll come across a photo that I know is super candid and my mind will start to wonder about how we got to this place, where we’re going, and how we’re going to clean up the mess we’ve made. Before I know it, it’s like poof, toodles, libido.
  9. I think we’re on the upswing. I wanted to end this on a positive note because if the last two years have taught me anything it’s that with honesty and perseverance, you can get through anything. I do believe we’ll get through this. I’ve been so inspired by many of the women who have become a shining beacon of positivity and bravery during what feels like some pretty dark times. We’re all strong, independent women and no one can take that away. Ooh, I think I feel my mojo coming back.