I Turned Down Your Offer To Be Your FWB, And Now I Really Regret It

We met a few years ago and clicked instantly. There was a strong physical and emotional connection — we could flirt but also laugh with each other, sext but also talk about serious stuff. The only catch? You wanted to be FWBs because you weren’t looking for a relationship. I said no because I’d never been into the idea, but I actually regret my decision now and wish I’d taken you up on it. Here’s why:

  1. We really got along well. It’s rare to find such a strong connection, and we definitely had one. We had similar views about life, we were in the same stage of life, and we were both into the same things. It was awesome. Bringing sexual compatibility to that would have made things even juicier. It would have been interesting to see what could have happened if I’d given it a chance.
  2. You were honest and upfront, and that counts for a lot. You weren’t trying to get me into the sack under false pretenses. You were upfront about the fact that no relationship was going to happen for us. This is great because it meant that no one would have got hurt and we could be totally open with each other. This mutual respect could have really made for a great drama-free setup.
  3. There was fire in your kiss. When we kissed after our first date, I felt sparks and I know you did too. There’s no doubt that we had major chemistry. As they say, a kiss tells you everything you need to know. Just based on that kiss, it’s clear that our sexual experiences would have been out of this world.
  4. Physical appearance isn’t everything, but you were gorgeous. I have to be honest and say that you were pretty easy to lust after. You had such soulful eyes and a sexy, naughty smile. I was very attracted to you and that would have just amplified our physical sparks, making for explosive sex.
  5. I wasn’t committed to anyone. What was really stopping me? I wasn’t dating anyone and my sex life was non-existent. Just because I’d never had a FWB setup before, it didn’t mean that it wasn’t something I should have tried. I should have been open to more experiences because it could have had many benefits, like making me more sexually confident.
  6. I’d been too serious for my own good. I really think I took things way too seriously when I was younger. I was so relationship-minded from my early twenties, it was crazy. Sure, it’s good that I wasn’t jumping into one-night-stands, but only focusing on relationships definitely limited me. I’m not saying I should have jumped into bed with lots of guys, I’m just saying that when a cool experience like this FWB setup was on the cards, I should have been a little more daring and light about it.
  7. It could have been fun. There’s too little fun in the world, IMHO. That’s what I learned once I hit my thirties. We could have just enjoyed ourselves and had some pleasure. You were such a cool guy, I know that you would have prioritized my pleasure as much as yours, without what we had becoming a regret.
  8. We weren’t going to become a relationship. Maybe that’s what had been holding me back. Maybe I’d hoped that we would have become a couple, and I was afraid to be sexual with you in case I got a case of the feels. But we were both adults. You’d made it clear that we would have been sleeping with each other exclusively, so that made it a safer place for us to explore and experiment with our own sort of relationship.
  9. I could trust you. Although we’d dated for a while, we also became really good friends. We got along so well and respected each other. I felt like I could trust you, so this just increases the amount of pleasure we could have had together. Even if one of us did get feelings, we were close enough to work it out together so that there wouldn’t have been awkwardness or bad vibes.
  10. I was curious about the sex. You were so hot and we had such a good chemistry that I have to admit I was curious about what sex would have been like with you for quite a while after we no longer were in touch. I mean, I can just imagine that it would have been an amazing experience, and I thought of you many times when I got with a guy who left me unsatisfied in the bedroom. Ugh. Life is short. We should have been FWBs.
  11. I should have had a taste of freedom. Since I’m generally a serious person, it would’ve been quite liberating to have a sexual relationship that wasn’t focused on expectations or commitment, just pleasure and living in the moment.
  12. I was too focused on the cons. I was swayed by the common FWB downsides, such as one party getting feelings for the other, but what about the benefits? We could have had a setup where we were there for each other when we needed to be, but without the awkwardness and risk of a one-night-stand. No matter what happened, it would’ve been a learning experience for sure.
Jessica Blake is a writer who loves good books and good men, and realizes how difficult it is to find both.