It’s the stuff of nightmares: you finally plucked up the courage to introduce your partner to your parents and instead of it being an amazing experience, it went horribly. Your parents just don’t like them, and over time, their negative feelings are likely to intensify rather than fade away. This can make you feel frustrated at best or downright devastated at worst, but don’t freak out. Here are 15 ways to deal with this situation without losing your parents or your partner.
1. Speak To Your Parents About Their Feelings.
Don’t just write off what your parents are feeling. There could be good reasons for it. Maybe they can sense something about your partner you’re totally missing because you’ve got rose-tinted glasses on. Communicate with them about where they’re at to better understand them and hear them out.
2. Clear Up Any Misunderstandings.
Sometimes, a simple misunderstanding could cause your parents to not like your partner. This can escalate a tiny molehill into a mountain unnecessarily. Talking to your parents about their feelings can identify any confusion so you can nip in the bud before it gets any worse.
3. Be There For Your Partner.
Your partner could be feeling hurt or angry that they’re being sidelined by your parents. Help to reassure them that you love them and your parents aren’t going to get in the way of your happy relationship. Make sure they know that you’re not going to be influenced by your parents’ feelings and that you’re confident you can squash any tension between them and your partner.
4. Be Positive About Your Partner.
While you might want to avoid your parents if their actions are upsetting you, it’s healthier to maintain communication so you can highlight your partner’s positive traits. This can help them see your partner in a new light and see how happy they make you. It’s hard to hate someone who’s such an amazing addition to your life.
5. Avoid Getting Defensive.
You might not like what your parents have to say about your partner, but don’t let them get the better of you by being angry or defensive. Stay calm and reasonable. This will prevent further tension that could cause your parents to develop an even harsher stance against your partner because they think they’re a bad influence on you.
6. Set Boundaries.
Your parents don’t like your partner, but you want to maintain your relationship. And why shouldn’t you? Establish some clear boundaries with your parents and your partner. For example, avoid intimate family get-togethers that could cause discomfort and arguments, or set a rule that your parents aren’t allowed to criticize your partner out of respect.
7. Get Some Support.
It’s not easy to feel caught between your parents and partner. It can help you to reach out to people you trust and with whom you can openly talk about the difficult situation. This is especially the case if you can’t be completely honest with your partner about your parents (or vice versa) because you want to avoid hurting them.
8. Find A Way For Your Partner To Engage.
While your partner obviously has to agree with this idea, it can be helpful to show your parents how great your partner is by letting them see his or her positive actions. If your mom’s stuck at the shopping center with a flat tire, ask your partner to go help her. If your dad needs a plumber recommendation, ask your partner to pass one on. These little gestures can make a big difference!
9. Do Stuff Together That Everyone Can Enjoy.
As long as both parties are okay with it, organize a laid-back, fun activity for you all to do together. This can help you to have some fun in a casual setting. Maybe you all share some of the same hobbies and doing them together will paint everyone in a better light. Creating positive memories is a great way to bring the people you care about together.
10. Agree To Disagree.
Despite your best efforts, your parents might not change their mind about your partner, and that’s okay. You can’t force them to feel differently, but you can all agree to disagree so you don’t let this situation interfere with your relationships. Make it clear to them that you won’t end your relationship simply because they disapprove.
11. Get Help From Your Siblings.
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If you have siblings who like your partner, you could ask them to speak positively about them to your parents. This person doesn’t have to be a sibling, though — maybe it’s a family friend who knows your partner and gets along with them. Gather some support!
12. You Shouldn’t Choose Between Them.
No matter how strained your relationships, you don’t have to choose between your partner and parents. While they can avoid each other, you don’t have to. It’s difficult, but remind yourself of the positive attributes of both relationships you have and why you don’t want to sacrifice them.
13. Ask Your Parents What Would Help Them.
It can be useful to ask your parents what they would need to feel good about your relationship and trust your partner. They might say that they want time to tell if your partner is good for you, or they might say they want to spend more time getting to know them. See how you can help in this situation in a way that’s not too taxing for you or your partner.
14. Find Ways Around Special Occasions.
Special occasions can be particularly challenging. What if your parents don’t want to see your partner? You’ll have to find ways to navigate the drama so you come out unscathed. Maybe you could attend some events without your partner as long as they don’t mind, and you could spend other occasions with your partner instead. Try to keep things fair.
15. Focus On Respect.
Maybe your parents won’t come around and love your partner. Maybe things are always going to be a bit weird. You can’t change that, but you can resolve to foster respect for everyone involved. Make sure your parents and partner are on board with this so everyone can reduce conflict. Life’s too short for unnecessary drama.
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