If you’ve started dating a man but it feels like you’re about to hit an iceberg instead of a relationship milestone, you’re probably wondering what’s going on. It’s never a good feeling if someone lacks the enthusiasm to define things and jump into dating you. It hurts! But, there are various reasons why men might drag their heels. Here are 15 to consider.
1. They’ve got trust issues.
If his previous relationship wounds (like being cheated on) have led to trust issues, he might be hesitant to start something new with you. To prevent you from jumping to the conclusion that he doesn’t like you, he should be open about his struggles so you can pave a way forward together, albeit at a slower pace.
2. They’re keeping their options open.
A guy who’s dating many women simultaneously might not be that enthusiastic about starting a real, committed relationship with just one of them. He might have serious FOMO, worrying that if he commits to one person, there’s a risk it could prevent him from meeting someone better suited to his preferences or lifestyle. Not cool.
3. They want to keep things casual.
Keeping relationships light and fun is appealing, especially when you’re just getting to know someone. But, some men want to extend this casual dating phase for as long as possible, even when you’ve started checking your clock and wondering when the relationship’s going to become something real. It’s likely they want to avoid the pressure of relationship responsibilities.
4. They’re unsure of what they want.
Sorry, this one hurts. If a guy you’re dating isn’t 100 percent sure if he wants to date you, he might be stalling or giving you mixed messages. But the thing is, if he doesn’t tell you what’s on his mind and in his heart, it’s unfair for him to expect you to wait around forever.
5. They’re stuck in another relationship.
If a guy’s being weird about moving things forward, it could be that he’s got another relationship going on. Perhaps he’s still entangled in a situationship with someone he met before you and he’s dealing with unresolved feelings for her. The guy’s got to make a choice and get himself out of this purgatory, ’cause it’s not fair to anyone in the situation.
6. They love the chase.
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For guys who crave drama and excitement, the chase is the best part of dating. Cue butterflies and (not so) good times. They might get fidgety and start looking elsewhere for an endorphin hit when the dust settles. Instead of settling into a relationship with you when things get serious, they drag their heels.
7. They’ve been faking it.
One of the darkest reasons why a guy takes his time to define a relationship is that his heart’s just not in it. Ouch. Maybe he was love-bombing you, only for it to have been an act. While it’s not right, there are a couple of reasons why someone would do this—like attention, validation, or maybe he’s dating you because it’s convenient right now.
8. They don’t want you to change them.
If you’ve been trying to tweak a guy’s traits and behaviors so that you get the perfect partner, this is sure to create tension and distance between you two. He doesn’t want you to try to fix him or his life! If you try, he might just change his relationship status to single.
9. They’re feeling pressure.
Maybe you and the guy like each other, but you’re on different wavelengths. You might be raring to accelerate down Relationship Road, but he’s hitting the brakes. The thing is, maybe he can sense that you’re anxious to get things going, and it’s making him want to run in the other direction. There are many reasons why he might balk under pressure, like if he fears losing his independence or autonomy.
10. They sense you’ve changed for the worse.
It could be that the guy wanted to start a relationship with you, but then something stopped him in his tracks. Like, maybe he started to notice that you were changing. Perhaps when he met you, you were fun and carefree, but now you want something more stable and committed. Sadly, it’s putting him off and making him question what he wants.
11. They’re scared of rejection.
If a guy has low self-esteem, he might be worried that he’ll get his heart smashed into a million little pieces. Fearing rejection in love can make a guy hesitant to get into anything real. Simply put: It’s just too scary for him, even though he likes you. This can result in him going between hot and cold because he just can’t go all into a relationship with you.
12. They’ve just been through a chaotic breakup.
Emerging from a brutal breakup and going straight into a new relationship can be way too much to deal with. He has to process all those messy feelings related to his ex before he can open his heart to someone new. Men need healing too! This is why if he says he’s just out of a relationship, it’s a red flag that he’s not going to be able to slap a relationship label on his forehead anytime soon.
13. They don’t want to lose their freedom.
Guys who have dated controlling partners before might fear being tied down to their partner’s needs and expectations. This could cause them to backtrack instead of move a new relationship forward, especially if they think their new partner is going to want them to over-compromise and sacrifice themselves.
14. They’re feeling societal pressure to stay single.
If a guy’s got tons of single friends who are living it up and partying with lots of different women every weekend, this could be influencing him to lead the same lifestyle. His friends might be encouraging behaviors that make him want to prioritize his solo adventures, making it difficult for him to pursue a committed relationship.
15. They’ve got children.
If the guy’s a dad, he might hesitate to start a new relationship because he’s worried about his children’s emotional well-being. He might be unsure about how to introduce a new partner to his children, especially if they’re still trying to adjust to changes resulting from a previous relationship. He might also want to be completely sure that you’re a good match before he brings you into his life completely.
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