Why You Should Fight For The Man You Love, Even When Things Seem Impossible

Why You Should Fight For The Man You Love, Even When Things Seem Impossible

When the going gets tough in your relationship, what do you do? Do you leave the man you love behind or do you fight for him? When it’s right, you know it in your heart, mind, and gut. That means you don’t give up without trying everything in your power to work it out. You don’t have to beat a dead horse, but the “what if?” will always weigh on you if you don’t do whatever you can to salvage your relationship. Here’s why you should fight for the man you love as hard as you can.

  1. You’ll prove you truly love him. Sometimes the relationship isn’t going so well at the moment and your partner doesn’t really think you love him. Don’t just accept that as a reason for him to leave. Instead, do whatever you can to prove the intensity of your feelings for and your dedication to him. Sometimes, that’s all he wanted all along.
  2. He deserves your best try. If this is the person that fills your heart with happiness and love, doesn’t he deserve everything you’ve got? Wouldn’t you want him to do the same if the situation was reversed? If he’s worth spending your life with, you have to fight for the man you love. Otherwise, you’ll never truly be able to say you gave it your best shot.
  3. He might not know how you feelIf you’re not good at showing your emotions, your partner might not even know how you feel. You may have been inadvertently pushing him away, leading him to think that you’re no longer invested in him or the relationship when that couldn’t be further from the truth. This means it’s up to you to show him how you really feel. It’ll take more than words, so be ready to put your money where your mouth is and back those words up with concrete actions.
  4. There’s not much that can’t be worked out. A few disagreements, petty jealousy, and compromising as a couple are all issues that can be resolved but often make couples split. If you’re having silly spats and disagreeing on minor issues that are snowballing into something much bigger than they really are, there’s no reason you can’t address those problems and fix them so you can get back on track.
  5. You know he’s The One. You know deep inside that this person is the only one for you. It’s not a crush or lust — you can’t imagine life without him. He truly makes you a better person. If that’s the case, you should always fight for the man you love and do everything you can to keep him.
  6. If you’re not willing to fight, it wasn’t really love. You hear women talk about how many times they’ve been in love. However, if it was true love, then they wouldn’t give up on it so easily when things start to go sour. If you’re not willing to work hard to get him back, it probably wasn’t love to begin with.
  7. It’s not over until you let it go. Just because your partner said goodbye doesn’t mean it’s over. It just means you have even more incentive to fight for him. If you can hold on and keep going, it’s not really over yet. As long as you still love him, don’t let the relationship be over forever.
  8. Love takes work, and this is just part of it. Love itself isn’t enough to make a relationship work. It takes far more. When things go wrong, you have to do more than love the guy to make him stay. It takes compromise, dedication, effort, and sometimes hard work to keep things not just alive but thriving. If it’s real, it’s worth it.
  9. You’ll always regret it if you don’t. You might think it’s best to just let them go. The problem is you’ll always live with regret. Any time you think of him or see him, you’ll wonder what might have happened if you’d just fought for him a little. Don’t let regret eat you alive. Go ahead and try and see what happens.
  10. The timing isn’t always perfect. You know how you feel about a guy, but the timing is all wrong. That doesn’t mean it can’t work. Don’t let him forget about you. Keep in contact and let him know how you feel. Do whatever you can to stay in contact so when the time is right, the two of you can be together.
  11. You’ll be miserable with anyone else.  As long as you’re still in love with one person, you’re not going to be happy with anyone else. When you’ve found your soulmate, no one else will make you quite as happy. You might be content, but it’s not the same. You’re not just fighting for someone you love, you’re fighting for your own happiness.
  12. You know he loves you. It should be obvious, but if you love him and you know for certain he loves you, of course you should fight for him. Hell, he should be fighting for you too.

When you shouldn’t fight for the man you love

While you should always put in the work to keep your relationship alive if you think it’s worth it, there are some circumstances when the best thing you can do is cut ties and walk away immediately. If any of these things are happening or have happened, he’s clearly not the one for you.

  1. He’s a serial cheater. Don’t fool yourself into believing that your boyfriend’s infidelity is your fault. You’re not lacking in any way, you couldn’t have done more, and it’s not your responsibility to keep him faithful. If you might love this man, but why would you fight for someone who clearly doesn’t feel the same about you? If he did, he wouldn’t even look at other women, let alone cheat with them.
  2. He abuses you in any way. Whether he’s mentally, emotionally, physically, or sexually abusive towards you doesn’t matter. None of those behaviors are acceptable and in no way should you fight to keep a relationship that includes them. You wouldn’t find it acceptable if any of your friends was in an abusive relationship, so why on earth would you think it’s okay for you? Again, you will never be able to change him, nor should you have to. Walk away and protect yourself.
  3. You’re the only one trying to save the relationship. It’s fine and well deciding to fight for the man you love, but he should be right there alongside you, battling to keep you too. If you’re the only one who cares enough to put in the effort to try and get things back on track, then you’re in a one-sided relationship. It takes two people to make a relationship work. If he’s not interested in doing his part, there’s nothing left to say or do.
  4. You were unhappy in the relationship. If you were unhappy in any way, that should tell you that he’s not right for you. Sometimes couples fight and small issues can get to you, but those tend to be fleeting emotions. If you know deep down that the overwhelming emotions you experienced while with him were negative — sadness, anger, disappointment — that’s not going to suddenly change because you refuse to let things go.
  5. You don’t see a future with him. If you truly think about your ideal future five or 10 years down the line, do you see him in it? Can you imagine marrying him, having kids with him, traveling the world with him? If the answer is no, then what exactly are you fighting for?
  6. You’re fighting for him for the wrong reasons. Is it possible that you’re so intent on keeping this relationship intact because you don’t want to be alone? You’ve grown comfortable with this man and the idea of being on your own isn’t just unappealing, it’s downright terrifying. Not only that, but you dread the idea of having to start over again. With your current partner, things are easy because they’re familiar. Having to begin fresh with someone new seems so much harder than just sticking with what you know, but that’s definitely not a reason to stay.
  7. You disagree on the big issues. While minor differences can generally be resolved or a compromise can be found, there are some major deal-breakers that simply can’t or shouldn’t be glossed over for the sake of staying together. For instance, if you don’t want kids but your boyfriend does, that will never work. Same for if you want to get married and he always says he’s vehemently against the idea of ever tying the knot. Likewise, if your plan is to eventually move to a whole new city while he wants to stay put to be close to his family, these are major differences that won’t be easy to overcome. In fact, it’s likely to be impossible. Never compromise the things that are important to you in order to keep a dying relationship going.

If you do decide that your relationship is worth fighting for, it may make sense to seek couples therapy to help you work through the issues that got you to this point to begin with. First, you’ll need to identify them. As sex and relationship coach Ness Cooper told Metro: “Anyone wishing to stay together should take time to work through the current relationship discrepancies with their partner first. It’s likely other conflicts will occur later on in the relationship too, as that’s just the natural fluidity relationships generally take, and the last thing you want is to let them pile up and collapse together.”

However, Cooper is quick to add that even couples therapy may not make it possible to stay together. In fact, it may actually function as a way to point out just how ill-suited you are for one another. “If when addressing the current troubles with your partner, you are just being ignored no matter how often you try to bring them up to work through, then it may be time to leave,” she explained. “The way healthy relationships work is by both aiming to make sure the relationship dynamic functions for both of you.”

Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.