Why You’re Addicted To Your Ex And How To Break The Cycle

Why You’re Addicted To Your Ex And How To Break The Cycle

You broke up ages ago but for some reason, you still can’t get your ex off your mind. Whether you’re dreaming about getting back together or you simply wish you still were, you think about them constantly and while you say you’ve moved on, you definitely haven’t. Why has it been so hard to walk away and why are you still addicted to your ex? Here are some possibilities.

  1. They’re familiar. It makes sense that when you’re in a relationship with someone for a long time, you become accustomed to their company. You’re comfortable with them because you know each other inside out. That’s why when it ends, it’s so much harder to walk away. The idea of having to start all over again with someone else can be undesirable at best and downright terrifying at worst, so it’s only natural that you’d become addicted to your ex instead.
  2. You’re lonely. After a breakup, being on your own can feel empowering and be really fun at first. However, the longer it goes on, the lonelier things tend to get. When you get to a place where you’d rather be with anyone else than be alone but there are few dating prospects on the go, you go back to your ex instead. You probably know your relationship was a disaster and you’ll never work out, but in the moment, it seems like a good idea.
  3. You felt like you were at home when you were with them. When you were together, everything just seemed to fit perfectly, at least for a while. Yes, things got bad in the end and you realized you had to leave one another, but it wasn’t always bad. In fact, it was very good for a very long time. When you were together, everything felt effortless, relaxed, calm. Even when things started to go downhill, they still felt like home to you. Is it any wonder you’re still chasing that feeling?
  4. Nothing else has worked out since you broke up. Maybe you’re addicted to your ex because you’ve tried to move on from them but no one else is quite like them. The dates are all disastrous, the people you’re dating are ones you just don’t mesh with, and it seems like nothing will ever work out again. The last thing that did work out was your past relationship, so you keep going back to it so you can recreate the magic you once had. Newsflash: this will not work.
  5. They’re a master manipulator. There is another possible explanation for why you just haven’t moved on: you’re not so much addicted to your ex as you are being manipulated by them. If they’ve been constantly badgering you since you broke up or they keep trying to reel you in every time you start to walk away, that’s not down to you – it’s them.
  6. The sex was amazing. I don’t need to say much about this, do I? Sexual chemistry is incredibly important, and if you shared this in spades with your ex, that alone is enough to make you keep coming back even when you know you really, really shouldn’t.
  7. You think you’re meant to be together. At the end of the day, maybe you’re addicted to your ex because you’re addicted to the idea of belonging together forever. Maybe you think (or hope) that your split is temporary or you truly believe that you’ll eventually end up being together long-term, making it pointless to walk away since you know you’ll always end up back together. This may be true, but it could also be a very toxic way of thinking that needs to be addressed. Do some soul-searching to determine if you’re truly being honest with yourself or if there are some deeper issues that need to be dealt with.
Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love.