What I Wish Someone Told Me About Being Single Long-Term

I didn’t realize it at first, but it’s been a really long time since my last relationship. I’ve got a totally fulfilling life without love and am happy to roll solo, but I wish someone had told me what being single long-term was going to be like. Since no one did, here’s what I’ll tell you:

  1. You’re going to kiss a lot of frogs. You’ll go one first dates that don’t lead to second ones. You’ll have magical first kisses that don’t go any further. You’ll get discouraged, and maybe even to a point where you’re not even excited about a first date at all. It sucks, but it’s worth it to keep the faith.
  2. If a guy is mature enough not to ghost, you’ll still hear a lot of cliché breakup lines. Assuming you’re not ghosted, you’re going to hear a lot of crappy lines as a means to ending the potential romances you encounter. “It’s not you, it’s me.” “I just don’t feel the spark.” “I don’t see a future.” It goes on and on. It’ll suck and you’ll constantly wonder what’s wrong with you, but it’s not about you.
  3. You’ll swear off dating because you’ll get hurt a lot. You’ll reach the point of absolute exhaustion with your search for love. You’ll delete and reinstall dating apps to your phone more times than you’ll care to admit. Breaks are healthy, so before you second guess yourself for giving up, just enjoy the downtime. You don’t have to be searching 24/7.
  4. You’ll sometimes cry yourself to sleep. A sad reality, but this will happen and it doesn’t make you weak, pathetic, or stupid. It means you’re human and you’ve been single for a long ass time, therefore you’ve been strong on your own for too long, and everyone needs a release from time to time.
  5. The loneliness will be heavy at times. Some days you’ll be perfectly fine, and others, the mere sight of a happy couple will be enough to spin your emotions into a frenzy. You’ll wonder why it seems to be so hard for you when love seems to be waving its arms all around you, desperate to remind you of what you don’t have. Don’t worry. This is only a temporary feeling and you’ll get back to feeling confident with just yourself soon enough.
  6. You’ll start to discover your flaws in great detail. You’ll start to really get to know yourself and realize where you’ve made mistakes in your past by noticing the faults in your present. You’ll work on ironing out the wrinkles that will make you a better partner than you’ve ever been before.
  7. You’ll realize the things you might have taken for granted in the past. You’ll start to see what’s really important in a relationship and all the petty things you might’ve taken for granted in the past. You’ll kick yourself for how you’ve behaved with ex partners, but you’ll swear not to make the same mistakes going forward.
  8. You’ll truly know who you are. When you spend so much time with yourself, pursuing life’s challenges on your own and recovering from temporary heartbreaks, you’ll really discover everything about yourself inside and out, which actually makes you better at making decisions about what you want in the future.
  9. You’ll become more selective in what you want from a partner. It won’t be about just about ticking the boxes on the checklist, it’ll also be about how you want to feel for the rest of your life, because let’s face it, when you’re single long–term, you won’t end that status for just anyone for the sake of not being alone. You’ll make your selections very carefully before you give your heart away.
  10. You’ll eventually get to a very happy place, but not without a fight. It doesn’t really get easier, you’ll just get better. Sure, there will be some nights that are tough to get through, and there will be days when you envy the idea of love, but eventually, you’ll find that happy ground again. Even though you’ve been single long-term, you’ll realize and appreciate you’ve already got the best relationship you’ve ever had — the one with yourself.