It’s not unusual to go a little boy-crazy when you finally meet a guy that you really, really like. But if these things are happening with a crush, new fling, or long-term partner, your feelings for this guy have likely taken an unhealthy turn. Here are some signs you’ve become obsessed with him and need to back off a bit.
- You never stop stalking his social media. Most of us are guilty of a little (or hey, maybe even a lot) of creepin’ when it comes to a guy’s Facebook and Instagram accounts, especially in the early stages of a crush or relationship. The problem comes in when it starts to consume your life. If you’re digging through the comments women made on his selfies in 2010, it’s time to step away from the phone.
- You get upset and obsessive when he takes more than five minutes to respond. I know that five minutes can seem like an eternity when you really like someone, but people have jobs, hobbies, and friends. Just because he paused mid-convo doesn’t mean he decided to spontaneously start a threesome with two supermodels or that he suddenly decided that he hates everything about you. Let the guy poop or nap — he’ll reply when he gets around to it.
- You get jealous of every single woman in his life. Yes, some dudes have questionable relationships with some of their female “friends.” No, the dude you like is probably not sleeping with his cousin, no matter how beautiful she is. Just as you probably have men in your life that you care about, but aren’t trying to sleep with, the guy you’re into is going to have women in his life who mean a lot to him and were in the picture long before you were. Don’t ignore if his behavior really is sketchy with one of them, but being wary of every girl he talks to is more than a little weird.
- You start becoming controlling. Snooping through his phone, asking him to prove where he is, demanding he text you at certain times — none of these are healthy behaviors. In fact, they’re some of the early signs of being an abusive partner. If the guy you’re with hasn’t given you any concrete reasons not to trust him (and if he has, why are you with him anyway?), doing this stuff is just plain nuts. Let him live.
- Little things he does make or break your whole day. Obviously, things like a particularly cute text are going to put you in a better mood, just like seeing him hitting on another girl is going to put you down. The problem comes in when you can’t enjoy girls’ night because he didn’t “like” your latest selfie. The little things do matter, but when they start impacting your life in big ways, you have a problem.
- You seriously never shut up about him. Most of us go through a phase of being super chatty about a guy we’re into, especially if things start moving in the right direction. But it’s not cool if literally every conversation you have with someone comes back to this guy. It’s one thing to always have him on the brain, but if the conversation you’re having isn’t specifically about him, continuously bringing him up is a sign that you need to cool your jets.
- You change aspects of your personality for him. Listening to his favorite songs? Yay! Reverting back to your 2007 emo style because he mentioned liking My Chemical Romance? Girl, no. No man, no matter how great you think he is, should have that kind of hold on your emotions. Your differences are just as important as your similarities, and he’s going to see right through your chameleon ways if you start changing yourself based on what you think he’d like.
- You never take a break from texting him. Texting from when you wake up until when you go to sleep is fine as long as neither of you has anything else going on during the day. There’s a serious problem at hand when your work output or friendships are suffering because you can’t put your phone down long enough to concentrate on the people and tasks that are physically in front of you.
- You want too much commitment way too soon. Everyone’s relationships run on a different timeline, but anyone with any kind of common sense knows that you shouldn’t be talking about getting married and having babies on the third date. It’s understandable to want some kind of commitment at some point, but if you’re trying to make milestones like meeting the parents and moving in together happen within the first month, you’re way too into him.
- You revolve your life around him. If you two are dating, it’s obviously fine (and expected) that you’d make him a priority in your life. What’s not fine is when the guy you’ve been dating for two weeks is starting to become more important than your long-time friends and family members. Missing your grandpa’s birthday dinner to hang out with this dude for the third time in a week suggests that whatever feelings you have for him are taking control of your whole life.
