I’m A Strong, Modern Woman… So Why Can’t I Bring Myself To Text Him First?

I consider myself to be confident and assertive when it comes to going after what I want in life. I’m strong, independent, and live by my own rules. However, when it comes to dating, I can’t seem to bring myself to send the first text to a guy I like. WTF?

I’m afraid it’ll make me look desperate. As a modern woman, I hate the thought of “needing” a man, which is why the idea of texting a guy first is so damn cringeworthy to me. I’m scared that he’s going to look down at the text and then drop me down a few points on his attraction scale. Desperation is SO not sexy and I know that.

He might pull away like every other guy has when I’ve made the first move. Whenever I show interest in a guy by texting him first, there’s a very good chance he’ll get weirded out. Dating is a game, unfortunately, and I like to be the one with the upper hand (which makes sense considering how independent I consider myself to be). When a guy’s interested in me, I find sending the first text makes him pull away and lose interest pretty much every time, so I don’t want to risk that.

I don’t want to put pressure on him. By sending the first text, I’m kinda giving him a nudge to get the ball rolling and maybe he’s not ready. I mean, if he REALLY wanted to see me, he would’ve texted me first. By waiting for him to make the first move, I can be assured that he’s texting me because he likes me and not because I made him feel like he should.

I’m afraid of getting rejected, obviously. This is probably the number one reason why I can’t bring myself to text him. I’m terrified of rejection more than anything else in the world. The idea of someone not liking me or being excluded from the group is mortifying, so I’m not going to risk getting rejected by making the first move. I seriously don’t know how guys do it. I know I wouldn’t be able to handle whatever happens after I press “send.”

A part of me likes being chased. Yes, I’m a strong, independent woman, but I can’t deny the part of my DNA that enjoys being chased. I like that feeling of being put on a pedestal and being desired. What woman doesn’t? If I send the first text, I’m the one chasing the guy now and have to take on all of that responsibility. I’d rather let him do all the work. We women have other, more important things to worry about.

Let’s face it — I need the validation desperately. It’s way too easy to doubt myself as a woman, especially when it comes to my appearance. We could all use a little boost in our confidence and sometimes those nagging texts from a guy I like to “come hang out” are exactly what I need. I have no shame in admitting that I need validation. I think the fact that I’m even able to say that is pretty “strong” of me, wouldn’t you say?

What would I even say? I’ve thought about it and I don’t even think that I would know what to text if I had to do it first. It really makes me understand why I always get the classic “sup?” and “hey” from guys — it’s better to shoot for the middle than to go out on a limb and actually ask the person if they want to go out because it’s just gonna hurt more if they say no. I would probably make a fool of myself on the first text, so that’s why I don’t do it.

I don’t want to “give him” the satisfaction. I just know that the second he sees my text, he’ll get all smug and will probably see that as an opportunity to start manipulating me. I mean, it’s happened to me before, so why wouldn’t it happen again? I don’t want to give him the satisfaction that comes with getting chased by a girl because past experience has shown me that I can’t trust guys to act responsibly with it.

It’ll actually make HIM insecure too. By texting him first, I’m showing him, in a way, that I don’t trust him to make the first move. At first, he’ll be super jazzed about it, but then he’ll start to get nervous that he isn’t doing what a man is “supposed” to do, which is to make the first move. It’ll make him anxious and insecure and I’d rather not deal with that.

I like playing hard to get. I’m a master at playing hard to get, and when I make the first move, I completely throw it away. The point of playing hard to get is to build up my allure but it’s pretty hard to seem like a hot commodity when you show interest. Dating is a game, and I play by the rules.

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