So, your relationship is over. Your heart is broken, and you’ve added another ex to your roster of past loves. It’s important to embrace the sadness that follows after a breakup. However, this also needs to be a time of strength and willpower. Whether you still love him or you can’t stand the sight of him, you need to block your ex on anything and everything because if you don’t, you’ll never move on.
Is blocking your ex really necessary?
Kinda, yes. While you might try to convince yourself that you can resist the urge to reach out or that you can totally handle a friendship, it’s likely that’s not true (at least for now). If you truly want to give yourself the best chance of moving on, here’s why he’s gotta go.
Why you should block your ex
- You don’t want to see what he’s up to. You really don’t. It doesn’t matter if he posts photos as tame as his favorite book next to a latte on a table or as desperate as him making out with other girls. The bottom line is that he’s moving on, and seeing any evidence of that will hurt you.
- No good can come from stalking him. He’s either an emotionless jerk and living life as if he never knew you, or he’s vulnerable and weak like you are and making every decision from a messy state of mind. Either way, he’ll be doing things you don’t want to see. He’ll be following new women you don’t know on Instagram, he’ll be out with his friends and possibly rebounding or countless other activities that will crush you. Stalking him online will destroy you. Resist. This. Impulse. Block your ex.
- You’ll be too distracted to get anything done. The longer you obsess over what he’s up to, the longer you’ll want to analyze every little thing you think is happening. You won’t be focused at work, you won’t have fun with your friends at happy hour, and you won’t even be able to enjoy watching old episodes of Schitt’s Creek. Is nothing sacred? Woman up.
- Ignorance really is bliss. The less you know about his post-breakup activities, the easier it’ll be to move on. Even just checking his Instagram once, even through a friend’s feed, will set you way back in your recovery. An ex is something you need to quit cold turkey, and your friends should be keeping you far, far away from him.
- Your drunk self is already too hard to control. When most people get drunk while sad, they get even sadder once the buzz hits. If this is the case for you, you should probably stay away from alcohol until you feel stronger. But if your friends drag you out of the house – because they’re awesome and they love you – you’ll probably have a drink or two, and you’ll probably want to text him by the end of the night. Can you imagine the temptation to drunk text him if you’ve been seeing him in all your feeds for the past few days? Yikes. Don’t set yourself up for failure like that.
- You two can never just be “casual.” You might have some time apart and then randomly reconnect. Things might feel different now, and maybe you’ll consider having a casual hookup with him since the sex was always good. DO NOT ENGAGE. There’s too much history and fresh heartbreak for you two to ever have anything casual. Don’t kid yourself.
- You broke up for a reason. Every time you fondly reminisce about the relationship you had and the happy memories you shared, remember that you broke up for a reason. If you were meant to be, he never would’ve let you go. So lean into the bad memories. Let them wash over you and make you mad because they will save you right now.
- You’re better than this. You’re a goddess. Does constantly refreshing an ex’s Facebook page sound like goddess behavior to you? Remember that you deserve nothing but the best, and unwavering, never-ending love, and your ex wasn’t able to give that to you. Block him and let him go.
- If he wanted to get in touch with you, he would. You might not be contacting him, but he’s also not contacting you. If he was desperate to get you back, he’d be calling you, texting you, or showing up at your door with takeout and a puppy. If he’s not, then he’s not worth keeping even as an internet friend.
- The right person is waiting for you, right now. Every minute you spend tracking your ex down is another moment wasted on the wrong person. The right person is out there, right this very second, looking for you. Maybe they’re heartbroken too. Get back out there and let them find you!
- Fun is also waiting for you. Even if you aren’t ready to date someone else or have no interest in dating anyone ever again, wasting time on your ex is keeping you from doing a whole mess of fun things. You could be getting a new tattoo, traveling to a new place, or buying yourself a well-deserved bottle of wine. Choose fun, let him go, and LIVE.
- He’s not going to send you secret messages in his status. Unless he’s a high schooler, he’s not going to try to win you back through a public display of affection. He’d rather quietly try to remove “In A Relationship” from his profile and hope nobody notices. If you’re looking for a big dramatic and public scene regarding the end of your relationship, maybe that’s one of the reasons you broke up to begin with. You just have expectations that can’t be met.
- One glass of wine and you’ll be scrolling through those old photos. And you’ll be crying, especially if you were blindsided by the breakup. It’s always nice to reminisce on old times, but doing so immediately after the relationship ends is just torture. Give this wound some time to heal.
- You’ll be wary of every new woman he friends. As a single man, he has a right to start dating again when he feels ready. Still, trying hard to figure out who might be his next girlfriend is a tiresome hobby. In fact, if you’re that involved, you’re borderline stalking him.
- You might start comparing lives. This sounds petty but if a breakup ended very badly, you’ll be rooting for him to fail. You may find yourself checking his profile daily to see if you’re doing better, but really, since you’re still so hung up on him, you’re not. Let him live his own life while you live yours. If it was meant to be, you could always unblock him or re-friend him.
- You’ll form unnecessary grudges. Eventually, he will meet someone else and you’ll inevitably hate her right off the bat. Take a deep breath — you might be envious, but this girl did nothing wrong. Unless she was the one who broke up your relationship, she’s an innocent party. The best way to avoid looking up her Instagram and judging her for what she posts? Block your ex and try hard not to know she even exists.
- You might accidentally DM him. If you’re hoving around his profile, you might be tempted to send him a message. That message may be angry or embarrassing after your senses come back. You can’t take back words you’ve sent, so let this breakup news cool before accidentally doing something you can’t come back from.
- Keeping him in your radar just to gloat is a catty move. In our hearts, we all want our exes to feel sorry about ending things. We want them to feel the pain of regret. And while it feels good to post a new photo after a glow-up, going beyond that is a bit much. If you’re continuously posting statuses about how happy you are after getting rid of dead weight or about dates you’re going on, you’re not really handling the breakup maturely. Sometimes social media can help us air our emotions, but don’t use your entire social media presence as a way to get revenge.
- You’ll get mad if you get blocked first. He might defriend you first, and it’ll make you feel even worse about the situation. If he initiated the breakup, at least you can initiate the defriending. It’s so minor but you’ll feel a little more in control of the situation.
- Social media should be a positive experience. You’re not going to like everything you see on your feed, but why not get rid of the ultimate downers right off the bat? Everything your ex posts will make you feel bad. Even if it’s a link to an inoffensive article, seeing his name might make you uncomfortable. Why torture yourself like that?
- Blocking or defriending him will give you some closure. It’s up to you what you decide to do, but removing him from your online life right now is a great way to get some closure. This chapter has ended, and the only way to move forward is not to dwell in the past or focus on a guy who broke your heart.
After you block your ex, do these things too
You know that you need to put this relationship as far behind you as possible as quickly as possible. You’ve already done the hard work when you decided to block your ex, but here are some other steps you can take to make the memory of him fade that little bit faster.
- Say yes to every social invitation you get. It probably felt crappy to block your ex, not only because you miss him and hate not knowing what he’s up to now that you can’t see any of it but because you also feel pretty cut off from the world without him. The last thing you’ll probably want to do is go out and attend a party, see a movie, go bowling, etc. That’s exactly why you have to. If you want to truly move on from your relationship, you need a distraction. Getting back out in the world by doing fun things is one way to do this. It probably won’t feel fun at first, but the more you experience life, the more you’ll start to love it again.
- Reconnect with your friends. Whether or not you want to admit it, there are probably one or two friends (or a whole bunch of them) that you drifted away from when you got into your relationship. It happens to the best of us. However, now’s a good time to reforge those connections and build them stronger than ever so that when you do find someone to date again, your bond is rock solid. If they’re good friends, they won’t give you too much of a hard time about going AWOL while coupled up. What they will do si remind you of who you once were: a badass, amazing woman who’s worthy of happiness and love.
- Avoid your old stomping grounds for a while. It might be tempting to go to the bar you and your ex used to frequent or hit up the Chinese spot you used to grab food pretty much every weekend, but don’t do it. Either you’ll bump into him and things will be awkward and upsetting or you’ll simply start waxing nostalgic about your old relationship and feel worse than you already did. Avoid these places until you’ve put some emotional distance between you and can handle it.
- Eat well and move your body. It seems silly to suggest that eating well and exercising will help you move on from a bad breakup but it actually does. By treating your body like a temple, so to speak, you start to feel better not only physically but mentally and emotionally too. Plus, exercising releases feel-good endorphins that naturally boost your mood. You may not want to get off the couch and go for a run or hop on your Peloton, but no one has ever regretted a workout, have they?
- Change something about your appearance. When you block your ex, you might feel like there’s no reason to bother looking hot because he’s never going to see your cute selfies again. This isn’t about him, though — it’s about you. You need to feel good in your own skin, and to do that, you require a drastic change. It’s almost cliche to suggest that getting a new haircut or changing your hair color accomplishes some kind of major internal transformation, but for some reason, it totally does. If you’ve been thinking about getting a tattoo, cutting your waist-length hair into a pixie cut, or something similar, now’s the time to go for it. You’ll feel like a whole new woman.
- Find a passion and throw yourself into it. Whether it’s going back to school to get a Master’s degree or joining a local book club, find something you’re passionate about and throw yourself into it full force. Pursuing something that’s personally fulfilling not only takes your mind off your ex but it gives you purpose. Plus, you’ll come out of it an even better version of yourself than you were before, which is always amazing.
- Enjoy casual dating. This might be one for a little later in the healing process but it’s still worth mentioning. Maybe you’re not ready for a serious relationship again just yet, but that doesn’t mean you can’t go out and have a good time with guys without expectations or thoughts of the future in mind. Try it — you might be shocked at how much you like it.
- Meditate and self-reflect. After you block your ex, you’ll be gifted with an incredible amount of silence in which to sit and think. This may seem like a nightmare rather than a gift, but I promise you this is a good thing. Use this time to reflect and meditate not only on your past relationship and what it had to teach you but what you’re hoping to manifest in future relationships. This will make them much more likely to succeed.
- Give yourself a break. At the end of the day, getting over someone isn’t a linear process and there’s no specific timeline they all follow. Allow yourself the time and space to process your emotions naturally. You’ll get there in the end. Have faith.