I’m Dating An Emotionally Unavailable Guy & I Like It That Way

Fire up any search engine, type in “dating an unemotionally available guy,” and you’ll likely bring up hundreds of results—even on this site. They’ll all tell you to run for the hills, ditch him, and save yourself from impending doom and heartache. Perhaps being with a guy who’s so closed off is a horrible idea, but my relationship with an emotionally unavailable beau actually doesn’t bother me one bit. Here’s why.

The push and pull is exciting. Call me a masochist, but I get a thrill from the push and pull of our relationship. One moment we’re hot and heavy and the next, we’re back to square one. When he retreats to his man cave and goes missing in action, I simply do the same. Soon enough, he works up the courage to reach out to me and the exhilarating cycle continues again. Is it ideal? Nope, but I’ve come to accept it as an exciting part of our relationship.

Maybe I’m emotionally unavailable too. I’ve struggled with trying to come to turns with my own feelings and I’m starting to think maybe I’m just as emotionally unavailable as he is. There has to be a reason why I attracted him in the first place, right? And it’s pretty clear our relationship works because we’re one in the same. We’re on the same page when it comes to expressing ourselves.

Every relationship is different and what works for one couple won’t for another. My friends think I’m nuts for dealing with a guy who continually freaks out after an intense bonding session. However, I’m a strong believer that every relationship should flow at its own pace. Who’s to say we have to say “I love you” and declare our feelings for each other in a specific amount of time? As of right now, I’m happy with the way things are going. If we never get to the point where we really dive deep and open up to each other, I’m cool with that too.

What’s the rush? I’m not in a hurry to fall madly in love with him, so I don’t see the point in pushing him to open up to me. Our relationship is moving along at the speed of a turtle trapped in quicksand, but it’s no one else’s concern but ours.

He fulfills me in other ways. Maybe he’s not attuned to his feelings as I’d like him to be, but that doesn’t mean I’m unfulfilled. We still have so much in common and we really enjoy each other’s company. I feel content being in his presence despite his lack of emotions.

Frankly, I enjoy the personal space. When he pulls away, I revel in the space that he gives me. I’m able to continue pursuing my hobbies, hang out with friends, or just chill and enjoy some major me time. I don’t need my boyfriend to be glued to my side 24/7, so the fact that he enjoys his space just as much as I do is an added bonus to our complex relationship.

There’s a lot less drama. Since he’s so afraid to explore his feelings, it makes our relationship easy peasy. There aren’t any heightened emotions, there are far fewer fights, and the drama is non-existent. Call me crazy, but I’m really digging how effortless things are with an unemotional guy.

I don’t want to force him. When he chooses to finally let his guard down, I’ll know that he made the decision on his own terms. I never want to force him to change or try to push him outside of his comfort zone. He has the right to open up when he’s good and ready, and I know that if that day comes, I’ll be willing to accept him and his new-found feelings with opened arms.

He still deserves companionship. I believe everyone deserves to feel wanted no matter what their situation is. Yes, he’s been hurt in the past, and that causes him to be protective of his feelings. Does that mean he doesn’t deserve to have me as a companion? Not at all, and I’m not about to give up on him just because he doesn’t wear his heart on his sleeve.

If things don’t work out, I know I’ll be OK. There’s a strong possibility that our relationship will crash and burn, and you know what? I’ll be completely fine with that. Although I’m attracted to him and I enjoy what we have together, I know there’s a chance that he’ll never be able to really “go there” and open up to me. I’m not about to wait forever, but I don’t plan on throwing in the towel just yet. I’m willing to let things run their course, and if he’s never able to let his wall down and take the step towards giving more emotionally, then we’ll have to part ways with no hard feelings.

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