How To Flirt When You’re Chronically Shy

So, you’re shy — there’s nothing wrong with that! However, you might be using it as an excuse to avoid certain social interactions. While it may seem easier for more outgoing people to flirt with people they’re interested in, that doesn’t mean you can’t do it, too. Need a push in the right direction? Here are some tips:

  1. Get pumped up before you go out. If you know you’ll have a chance to meet guys before you head out, spend the 15 minutes before you leave home to get yourself pumped. Do whatever you can to give yourself a confidence boost, whether it’s watching funny YouTube pranks or listening to Taylor Swift. That way, you start the night in the right mood.
  2. Go in with no expectations. Don’t talk to that guy for the sole purpose of a prospective date. That can psych you out. Instead, go in with the intention of just having a friendly conversation. If he isn’t interested or you spot that wedding ring, there’s no harm done.
  3. Approach him in a group. If you’re feeling a panic attack come on at the mere thought of approaching a guy all by yourself, enlist the help of a few awesome friends. Just make sure that your friends know exactly what’s going on so they can help make you look good (in the most subtle way possible, of course).
  4. Break off from the group. If things are going well, jump at the opportunity to separate from the group. If you’re at a bar, you could ask him if he wants to help you pick out a song over at the jukebox of play a one-on-one game of pool or darts. Of course, it’s even easier if your friends can see your intentions and leave you guys alone of their own accord.
  5. Skip the small talk. Introverts are notoriously terrible at small talk. If that’s the part of the conversation that’s tripping you up, just skip it. Pretend that you’ve already gotten that stuff out of the way. After all, you’re a lot more charming when you’re already familiar with someone. Fake it ’til you make it. And if you’re struggling, just ask him a question.
  6. Pay attention to your body language. You want to make the guy feel like you actually want to talk to him. Every so often, do a body language check. Don’t cross your arms over your chest, don’t lean away from him. Smile. If there’s an opportunity to touch him, even if it’s to guide him away when someone needs to inch past him, take it.
  7. Pay attention to his body language. An excuse some introverts use: I don’t know if he actually likes me. His body language can alleviate some of that confusion. Is he leaning into you? Does he glance at your mouth when you talk? Has he touched your arm? These are some solid clues he’s into you.
  8. Make your intentions clear. When you’re nervous or you’re worried about protecting your heart, you tend to put up a wall. He could assume that you just want to be his friend. Nip that in the bud right away by making your intentions known. If you can manage it, ask him out. Yes, this is the hardest part, but it’s never as bad as you think it’s going to be.
Trisha is a full time writer living in Montana. In her free time, she paints mountainscapes on her skin with body paint and reads a ton of YA lit.