While some guys I’ve dated have called me clingy, the truth is that I’ve got good intentions. I get emotionally attached to people I date pretty easily, not in a possessive way but in a way of not wanting to lose what I’ve found. Unfortunately, it does come with some misunderstandings and problems. Here are 10 ways my attachment issues affect my relationships.
I date in the future.
Instead of focusing on getting to know the guy I’ve just met, my mind is moving ahead to the future. I’m imagining what it will be like for us to be dating exclusively, meet each other’s families, and going away on holiday together. The problem is I’m not really paying attention to what’s happening right now.
I ignore red flags.
When my head’s not in the game because it’s fantasizing about the future, I end up ignoring a ton of red flags. Like, for instance, when the guy mentions something about not having been single for that long or he’s sarcastic to the waiter. This stuff will hit me later, when the honeymoon phase is over, and then I’m like, “What have I done?!”
I don’t figure out what I want.
Since I get attached to the guy’s good side way too quickly, I miss a chance to take stock of my feelings. I don’t ask myself if I’m really keen on this guy, if he’s worth a third or fourth date, and so on. Sometimes it’s good to do this so that I don’t walk into a new relationship blindly.
I have dating tunnel vision.
It’s not just that I’m not paying attention to my own feelings because I’m caught in the storm of a new relationship, but I also end up closing doors on other dating options. While it’s good to date one person at a time and really see whether or not dating them will be worth it, it’s not good to tie myself down to a relationship before it’s even a relationship. Why do I do this?
I want to rush through.
I have dating anxiety in that I want to rush through milestones to get to the meaty stuff. I want to skip over the first few dates, knowing that we’re going to see each other for more meaningful ones. I want to skip ahead to the time when I can meet their folks, see their apartment, and so on. This is sad because I usually end up wishing I’d enjoyed the start of the relationship as it was the most exciting. Trying to rush into a new relationship also makes me seem desperate.
I tell all my friends about him.
While it’s great to confide in my best girls about the new guy I’m dating, I’ve realized that I waste time yakking on about men. When things don’t work out with the guy, I’m left a bit embarrassed and deflated. Plus, I then have to field questions from my friends for weeks afterward about where the guy’s at. Ugh.
I throw on the expectations.
Because I get so excited about the person I’ve started dating, I can’t help myself from having some expectations. This is one of the worst things about getting emotionally attached too soon. Expectations lead to anxiety, which gives the guy all my stressful energy and makes him think I’m trying to lock him into a relationship. Not a cool way to start a relationship, ever.
I want to see them all the time.
Instead of just keeping a cool head when I meet someone new who seems promising, I want to be around them all the time. Not only does this make them think I have no life, it also seems desperate. Plus, there’s really something to be said about a slow burn.
I can’t put my phone down.
If I’m getting attached to a guy because he’s so cool, creative, and such a down-to-earth guy, soon I’m not going to be able to stop myself from getting in touch with him all the time. I just can’t put my phone down! The problem is that I end up putting too much effort while they coast through the dating process. A relationship can’t work if they’re not meeting me halfway.
I’m always on their socials.
When I like someone, I want to be around them all the time. Since that’s usually impossible, I get my fix of them by checking out their social media accounts on a daily basis. It sucks because I feel like I’m some possessive girlfriend to the guy when we haven’t even been on a decent amount of dates to be exclusive. It’s got to stop.