If you find your thoughts floating back to the past on the regular, what feelings come up? Do you feel angry or sad, or perhaps even a little bitter? Maybe you regularly interact with someone who seems quite obsessed about the past. Maybe they feel like they peaked in high school and miss the “good ol’ days.” Or, perhaps they’re always gloomy because of bad things that have happened to them. If they share any of these 10 phrases with you, it’s a sign they’re bitter about the past and need to work through some issues so they can focus on their bright future instead.
1. “I Used To Do That Back In The Day.”
You mention that you’re going for a refreshing swim in the ocean and your friend says, “Ah, I used to do that back in the day.” Maybe they mention what an excellent swimmer they were with a nostalgic, sad look in their eye. They might be holding onto the great things they achieved instead of focusing on all the amazing dreams they can still chase. Or, maybe they feel like they peaked in high school and whatever made them cool is now over.
2. “I Should Have…”
Focusing on the “shoulds” in life is basically like driving onto the highway straight to heartache. You think of all the things you should have done because you’re filled with regrets. But the thing about regret is that it holds you back and gets stuck in your head so you can’t see the future clearly. “Coulda, shoulda, woulda” is never a good mantra because it just makes you feel depressed. That’s no way to live.
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4. “This Always Happens To Me.”
Your bestie goes on a date with a guy who turns out to be a guy wearing a tinfoil hat instead of a knight in shining armor. She says something like, “This always happens to me” or “Just my luck.” Ugh. She might be feeling a tad jaded about her dating history, which is something we can all relate to! But, it sucks if it holds her back or causes her to become stressed.
5. “Life’s So Unfair.”
When something bad happens to your friend/parent/BF and they complain that life’s so unfair to them, it’s clear that they’ve had a string of misfortunes. Instead of being able to move on from them, they’re sitting in a cold pool of bitterness. They’re missing out on situations that show how life can be fair and kind to them sometimes, and only seeing the bad stuff.
6. “All People Suck.”
If someone’s bitter about the past, this can make them bitter about the present and future. They’re carrying grudges and unhappiness around, and it’s weighing them down. No one wakes up one morning and thinks that everyone is a bad person, unless they’ve gone through a ton of unhappy encounters, such as in the stressful dating game which they always feel like they lose.
7. “I Wish I Could Go Back.”
It’s normal to think back on one’s highlights in life and fantasize about going back to them, like if you had an amazing vacation in Spain with your besties that you’d love to do over. But, someone who’s bitter about their past might chronically wish that they could back, such as to their childhood days. It’s sad and the dread of not being able to go back is what makes them bitter.
8. “That’s Great For You, But…”
Someone stuck in the past and its disappointments isn’t always going to find it easy to cheer for others who are having a fantastic time. So, when you tell them that you’re so excited to go on a blind date with a great guy you met online or you mention that you got a promotion, they might tell you it’s great but add how you’ve got to be cautious or suspicious of it. Yah-yah-yah. Honestly, can you just celebrate the moment?
9. “I Can’t Chill.”
One of the problems of being stuck in the past is that you might struggle to appreciate the present moment. Some mindfulness can help to get you back into your surroundings and feel immersed in what your life is right now, but it takes some practice. This is why someone who’s bitter about the past might feel like they can’t chill or relax – their thoughts are always stuck in a loop, going back in time.
10. “It’s A Grudge.”
If someone’s holding onto the past so much that it’s making them bitter, they might be holding grudges. Maybe they’re still angry at their friend who bullied them in school or they regularly feel pissed off about their parent who was never there for them. This can make meeting new people tricky because grudges lead to unhappiness and a lack of trust.
11. “It’s All My Fault.”
Someone who’s bitter about their past might always blame themselves for everything, whether that involves a broken relationship or failure (which is actually good to experience, FYI) – even if they’re not the reason why it happened. What’s going on? Their past could be littered with feelings like shame, unhappiness, and guilt, all of which keep them chained to those negative experiences.
