It’s Time To Finally Give Up On That Guy Who’s Not Into You

It’s very admirable to put yourself out there in the dating world, to forgive people who’ve wronged you, and to try and make things work with that stubborn guy you just can’t seem to get over. But when all is said and done and the landscape isn’t changing, sometimes letting go and moving on is the only thing to do. Here’s why it’s time to give up on that guy who isn’t into you.

  1. You’ve put way too much effort into him already. You’ve bent over backward to make things work with him, but the problem is that he’s not doing the same for you. There’s a line, and you’re the only one who can draw it.
  2. You really do deserve better. In the moment, it’s hard to imagine that there’s a guy out there who’s as hot, smart, and sweet as the current object of your affection, let alone one who will adore the crap out of you. There is, but you won’t find him until you move on.
  3. He’s keeping you from the next guy. You think your (non-)relationship is all figured out and that if you met someone else, you could jump out of this crappy situation in a second and grab the better guy, but that’s not how it works. There’s still an attachment, and if he’s not that into you, there sure as hell shouldn’t be.
  4. It’s draining your energyYou like to think that this situation isn’t overly dramatic because it’s not like you guys are fighting or anything. But then for some reason, your emotions about him seem to be pouring out anyway, like some sad magic well that’s refilling hourly. How will you ever have anything left to give if you’re wasting it all on someone who couldn’t care less?
  5. You’ve already learned every possible lesson. Every relationship is here to teach us lessons and keep us growing, but at a certain point, that takes both parties to move things forward. If you’re spinning your wheels, it’s time to hit the gas, take what you’ve learned, and drive on.
  6. You’re not giving yourself enough credit. No one in the world should be comfortable with receiving a half-assed, kind-of-like from someone. If you love yourself, he should love you too. You’re a smart, funny, beautiful woman, and you need someone who’s going to see those qualities and appreciate them in you.
  7. If he really likes you, you’d know. Here’s the thing: If you have a lightbulb go off, realize that he’s not worth your time and you decide that enough is enough, he’s either going to care or he won’t. It shouldn’t take you leaving for him to realize what he could’ve had, but sometimes guys are a little dense or just douchebags.
  8. A casual relationship isn’t sustainable. Many women tell themselves they’re fine with casual dating, but are totally and utterly lying to themselves in an effort to avoid losing the dude. And even if you are fine with it now, it’s probably not your long-term life goal, so don’t forget that.
  9. It’s better to be alone than “sort of” together. After a certain point, he’s just getting all of your attention and energy, but if you’re not fulfilled in return, you’re better off being more conservative with rationing that out and working on all that good old self-empowerment stuff, instead.
  10. He makes you needy and/or desperate. You might not have started off feeling so desperate, but something about his elusiveness has got you chasing after him like he’s the last man on earth. But he isn’t, and you know that. That needy chick is not the real you, anyway.
  11. You want to be the best you possible. That guy that isn’t that into you isn’t doing you any favors being in your life, and you deserve to be around people who are. Don’t let a guy who’s not worthy of you keep you from living the best possible life.

What to do when the guy you like isn’t as into you as he should be

  1. Call him out on it. While you don’t want to go into this conversation all guns blazing, being super aggressive, you have literally nothing to lose by speaking to this guy directly and frankly about how you’re feeling. It’s not embarrassing to admit that you really like him but you get the feeling he’s clearly not feeling the same. It’s also not embarrassing to question why he’s wasting your time when he’s so obviously not feeling it. He needs to know that you’re not an option and you’re no one’s second choice.
  2. Take a hint. Of course, you could literally just take the hint that this guy isn’t into you. If you’re always the one making plans, initiating contact, and trying to push things forward, what happens if you stop? If you don’t hear from him or see him if you’re not the one making it happen, that tells you pretty much everything you need to know about where he stands.
  3. Don’t just ghost him. It probably feels really tempting to just disappear from his life without a trace to avoid the discomfort of having to tell him that he’s just not on your level. Don’t do it. You have to take the high road and let him know that what’s happening between you isn’t working for you. Don’t leave it up for discussion and definitely don’t fall for half-hearted promises for him to do better. He won’t.
  4. Resist the urge to blame yourself. You’re crazy about him but the guy just doesn’t like you as much as you like him. That must mean there’s something wrong with you, right? Wrong. You’re not deficient in any way, you’re not missing anything, and you’re not unworthy of him. You’re not too fat, you’re not ugly, you’re not dumb, or anything of the sort — you’re an amazing woman and he’s either too blind to see it or simply not right for you. It happens.
  5. Walk away. This really is the only thing to do. Wish him the best in his future relationships, try to keep things civil, and walk away. The sooner you free yourself from a situation that just isn’t working, the sooner you’ll be available for all the amazing things the universe has in store for you. You just have to make that first big step.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog