It’s a misconception to think that standing up for yourself and setting boundaries means you’re being rude. Knowing how to phrase what you’re thinking better will make people see you as confident and assertive, instead of like a bully or rude person. So, how do you go about it? Here are nine effective phrases confident people use to stand their ground and be taken seriously without coming off as rude.
1. “I Value What You’re Saying, But I Disagree.”
You don’t have to agree with everyone and they have the right to their opinion. While an arrogant person might shut someone down if they have a different view, a confident and assertive person will be kinder by saying something like, “I value what you’re saying, but I disagree with you.” You could even explain why you disagree, to help them see things from your perspective.
2. “I’m Too Busy Right Now, But Can We Meet Another Time?”
While being “too busy” sometimes feels like an excuse, you can’t help the fact that you can’t fit everyone into your schedule. However, you can still reach out and accommodate others, such as by suggesting a raincheck for another time. This shows the person that you’re not just brushing them off.
3. “I Value You, But I Won’t Tolerate Being Disrespected.”
Sometimes, it’s difficult to be firm but kind, like if your friend is being mean to you or making you feel disrespected. In this case, you still don’t have to resort to being rude if that’s not your style. So, tell your friend how important they are to you, but make it clear that there’s a line they shouldn’t cross. When people see that you know you deserve better, they’ll step up and treat you better. (By the way, if you struggle to demand the respect you deserve, especially in relationships, our sister site, Sweetn, can help here. They have research-backed advice, tips, and tricks to overhaul your love life in some amazing ways. Check them out!)
4. “Thanks, But I Need Some Time To Think About It.”
You can’t be expected to say “yes” to every request—that’s a guaranteed way of becoming a doormat for others. If you get invited to a party or asked to babysit your friend’s kids for the weekend, you can thank the person for thinking of you but then explain that you can’t give them an answer right away. Sometimes you just need time to think before making a decision.
5. “I’d Like To Hear What You Have To Say, But Can I Finish?”
There’s nothing more frustrating than trying to talk to someone who jumps in and interrupts you every two seconds. Ugh. To deal with this in a kind way, tell them that you value their opinion and want to hear what they have to say on the subject, but you’d like to get a chance to finish what you were saying. This will hopefully stop the person from talking over you in the future.
6. “Thanks For Meeting With Me, But I Don’t Think We’re Right For Each Other.”
If you’re on a date with someone and you can tell that they aren’t a good fit for you, you don’t have to suffer through the rest of the dinner or text them the next day to let them down gently. Be confident about what you want and assert yourself so that you don’t waste your evening on the wrong person. That said, you don’t have to be cruel or criticize the person, as that’s out of line. Be firm but kind!
7. “I’m Confident That…”
Sometimes the best way to show you’re confident is by saying so. So, if your friend attacks you for your dating choices, you could tell her that you’re confident you’re making the right choices for yourself. Or, if your BF expresses concern that you’re working too hard, you could explain that you’re confident you can handle it. This works because you’re stating how you feel while managing your emotions. You’re not losing it or shutting them down.
8. “I Know You Want To Help, But I Can Do This.”
It’s great when people who care about you want to help you with difficult situations like if your boyfriend wants to change your car tire or your friend wants to go with you on a stressful date. They’re just trying to be supportive, but you know you’re strong and can handle whatever life throws at you. That said, you don’t have to tell them to back off. Politely express that you’re confident enough to deal with whatever, but always thank them for being supportive.
9. “It’s Important For Me To Look After Myself, So I Can’t Make It.”
Self-care is important—how else are you supposed to give your energy and time to things and people? Prioritizing your self-care is a must, even if you’ve got loads of other stuff going on. Don’t be afraid to tell your friend or partner that you can’t help them or attend an event because you’ve got to give yourself TLC. It’s a clear statement that shows you have to look out for number one, which people will respect.
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