10 Ways To “Put Yourself Out There” In Dating Without Looking Desperate

To say that dating sucks is an understatement. People ghost for fun and break each other’s hearts like it’s nothing at all, and if you’re not careful, dating can quickly destroy your self-esteem. However, there are ways to put yourself out there that’ll help you stay confident and keep you from looking foolish. Here are a few suggestions.

  1. Know what you’re looking for. It’s like the saying goes: “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.” You can’t be successful in love if you don’t know what you’re looking for. Figure out the characteristics you want in a person first, and don’t settle for anything less. Not even that super sexy bodybuilder who’s already dated half your friend group. He might seem charming, but he’ll have you looking like a fool in no time.
  2. Avoid the bar scene. The bars are fun and all, but they aren’t the only place to meet new people. Of course, it’s easier to talk to strangers after you’ve had a few, but that doesn’t mean you should always rely on your drunk mind. Consider a different approach. Strike up a convo with your barista or your cashier at Target. It might sound weird, but most people are way cooler sober.
  3. Take a chance on someone. Remember that guy from college you always wanted to date? Make sure he’s still single and then slide into his DMs. Start off with a casual check-in and then, see if he wants to meet up for coffee or dinner. Trust us, you won’t look weird or creepy. If anything, you’ll look confident as hell, and people love confident people.
  4. Don’t overshare. Your friends mean well, sure, but sometimes they make dating more of a challenge. Wait to text him back. Don’t text him back. Play hard to get. Be honest. All these opinions make it difficult to put yourself out there in a way that makes sense to you. Don’t overshare with your friends. Try to keep your dates private so you can better navigate the relationships.
  5. Download a dating app. Back in the day (a few years ago), people would’ve judged you for joining a dating app. Not anymore. Joining a dating app is one of the best, if not the only, way to meet new people. Just make sure you’re making good choices. Don’t swipe right on everyone you see simply because you’re bored. Make thoughtful swiping decisions so you avoid the wrong people.
  6. Phone a friend. I’m not suggesting you walk around with the words “single and looking” stamped on your forehead, but you should get the word out. Let your friends, co-workers, and family members know you’re single and interested in dating. Chances are, they know someone they can set you up with. Will every meet-up be a love connection? No. But one might be.
  7. Take some classes. Do you know how many people attend yoga classes? A ton. If yoga isn’t your thing, get a gym membership, sign up for Toastmasters, or take a cooking class. Don’t do something you hate, but take part in events so you can socialize with other people. There are billions of humans in this world, and most of them are single and looking for a connection just like you. Find them and love them!
  8. Keep trying. If at first you don’t succeed, try again. You might meet your soulmate on your first date. Or, it might take years of dating to find someone you’re even remotely attracted to. The important part is you keep trying regardless of the stigma. Remember: Being someone who’s constantly dating doesn’t mean you’re desperate or obsessed. It means you believe in love and you’re not giving up until you find it.
  9. Start with a friendship. You might not like the idea, but many of the best relationships start out as friendships. After all, it could very well get you friend-zoned. But, there are so many benefits you should consider. Starting off as friends will help you gain a deeper understanding of who they are. Do they want a relationship? Are they nice? Can I grow old with them? You’ll learn so much. And if you decide to progress the relationship, later on, you’ll already have a good foundation.
  10. Get some confidence. Dating is hard and can easily mess with your self-confidence. Before you start this journey, make sure you’re comfortable in your own skin. Spend some time getting to know yourself — go on dates, masturbate, do what you need to do to feel confident. That’s the only way you’ll be able to date without constantly feeling like a fool.
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.