When you go on a date with someone, there’s no guarantee that it will work out. You hope that you’ll have great chemistry and that it has the potential to turn into something real, but sadly, more often than not, that’s not the case. Still, that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. And while there’s no one recipe that guarantees dating success, certain “ingredients” can help increase your chances of making a real connection (or at least have a bit more fun trying).
- An open mind It goes without saying that having a strict set of guidelines for how your dates go and what the other person is like is unreasonable, unfair, and bound to lead to disappointment. Sure, it’s great to have an idea of the kind of partner you want, but being open to being pleasantly surprised is a great way to ensure you max out your chances of making a great connection.
- A willingness to be vulnerable This is a vital part of the recipe for dating success. Obviously, you don’t want to have verbal diarrhea and tell your date your life story the first time you go out together — that will likely scare them away (and rightfully so). However, in order to determine whether you’re right for each other and if there’s chemistry there, you have to be willing to open up about your life a bit. It can be scary being vulnerable, especially with someone you don’t know all that well yet. Still, it’s totally worth the risk — especially if you really like your date.
- A sense of humor Sometimes you literally just have to laugh at the ridiculousness of life. No one wants to go out with someone who’s miserable or who takes themself too seriously. This ties into the above item about vulnerability — sharing an embarrassing story about yourself or showing that you take tough things in stride shows that you’re laid-back and have a great perspective on life. It also connects you with your date. After all, who doesn’t love cracking up until there are tears in your eyes?
- Confidence (but not cockiness) If you’re riddled with insecurity and use romantic attention as a way to boost your sense of self-worth, you shouldn’t be dating. You should go into your dates with a base level of self-confidence that shows that you know your worth and what you bring to the table and you want them to see it too. Of course, there’s a fine line between confidence and cockiness, so tread it carefully.
- Good communication skills This is a vital ingredient in the recipe for dating success. If you can’t express yourself clearly and effectively now, what chances do you have for a potential relationship when difficulties arise? By this point in life, you should be able to speak up about what you’re thinking and feeling in a way that’s respectful yet firm.
- A well-honed BS detector It has to be said! While it’d be lovely if everyone went into dating with genuine intentions, there are plenty of time-wasters out there who simply want to find an easy hookup or are bored and have nothing else to do. Giving people the benefit of the doubt and assuming the best rather than the worst is a good way to go, but you also can’t be blind to glaring red flags if they’re waving wildly in your face.
- Active listening skills It’s one thing to be able to express yourself well, but it’s entirely another to be able to actually hear what your date is saying. When you ask questions about them and their life, be sure to actually absorb and think about their answers. This not only shows that you’re truly interested in who they are as a person, but it gives you a greater understanding of what makes them tick, which can help bond you and increase chemistry.
- Honesty There’s no sense in pretending you’re cool with something when you’re not, nor is there any point in pretending to be someone you’re not to please your date. While you obviously don’t need to go out of your way to be confrontational, you should be honest and direct — bringing your authentic self is the best approach.
- A positive attitude When you’ve been on one too many bad dates, it’s all too easy to become a Debbie Downer about the whole experience. You might feel like it’s a waste of time or that your date is just going to be another jerk. Don’t let your bad attitude become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Put good vibes out and expect the best. You just might get it.
- Genuine interest It should go without saying that an interest in the other person is a vital ingredient in any recipe for dating success. If you’re not curious about the person sitting across from you, what are you even doing there?
