Regardless of what your mom keeps telling you about “finding a nice boy and settling down,” partnership is just a really nice aspect of life and not your sole to live. If you’ve found yourself obsessing a bit too much over the search, chill out and remember that love often happens when you least expect it. Here are a few reasons why waiting for the right guy to come along naturally is much better than obsessively dating anyone and everyone:
Guys can tell if you’ve only got marriage on your mind.
Do you want to be with someone you love and respect or do you just want to get married? Be honest with yourself here. It’s much better to be married to someone you love at the age of 45 than to rush the process at 25 to a guy you barely know because you want the “wife” role. When you start dating, guys can totally tell if you’re looking to make a genuine connection or if you’re just terrified of being single.
You’re more likely to try to “change” a guy into what you want if you’re impatient.
Simply put, that’s not cool. Everyone has a little bit of self-improvement they need to make throughout their lives, but finding someone and pushing big improvements will only lead to resentment and disaster. Remember, he’s a human — not a paper doll. The true guy of your dreams is out there and won’t need to be “worked on.” He’ll just naturally be on the same page as you.
Dating for the sake of dating is a waste of your time.
If you know he’s not great but figure that being attached is better than being single, stop and think for a second. By dating a loser, you’re blocking yourself from meeting someone you have a true connection with. Do you really want to look back and realize that you wasted your best years on people you don’t even care for?
There’s no expiration date for milestone moments.
Most women get married in their 20s and early 30s, yes. But really, there’s no specific window of time. You can, and should, get married when you know for sure that you’re in love with someone. It’s different for everyone. Wouldn’t you rather tie the knot with your soulmate later in life or some guy you’re not totally compatible with today?
Being single helps you figure out what you truly want.
If you can’t remember the last time you were single, you’ve probably had no time to really sit down and evaluate your own wants and needs. How can you find Mr. Right, when you’re not even totally sure what you’re looking for? Likewise, if you were last single in high school, surely your priorities and tastes have changed since. For one, you’re not attracted to a guy due to his impressive t-shirt collection from Hot Topic like you were as a sophomore. (At least, hopefully not.)
No one is actually convinced that your dud is Mr. Right.
Your friends just want you to be happy, but when you try really hard to sell them on someone, it’s pretty obvious. For one, your friends are smart and mature enough to form their own opinions on someone. Two, your happiness is evident through your reactions and expressions. Telling people you’re happy and convinced that this guy is “The One” will only reinforce the fact to others that he’s more of a placeholder.
Dating shouldn’t be a hobby.
There are only 24 hours per day, and most of those are taken up by work and sleep. If you’re starting to get a little crazy about settling down with someone, you’re probably pushing aside other important aspects of life, like friendships, interests, and self-care. Dating is best in moderation, and that means that you’re not going to fall in love tomorrow. Nourishing your actual hobbies and relationships will make you much happier in the long run.
Divorce is expensive.
Really, it is. While divorce is unfortunately common, it doesn’t mean that people like to spend money on lawyers and heartache. With relationships, you never know for sure, but if you’re rushing it or forcing it, the chance of a legit “happily ever after” are somewhat slim.
Rose-colored glasses are real and can be incredibly damaging.
You’ve probably heard the expression before. When you wear rose-colored glasses, you tend to see things as being better than they are. Sadly, they’re super common in new relationships — especially when you really, truly want to believe that your guy is “The One.” The more you convince yourself of this guy’s heroic qualities, the tougher it’ll be to escape a really awful relationship down the line.
You don’t want to wonder whether or not you settled.
When it comes to romance, you have the right to be picky. Wondering down the line if you settled is a heartache waiting to happen. When you let love come to you, and give it time to mature, you’re much more in control of your own feelings, emotions, and future. If you feel impatient now, trust me — that feeling is much better than wondering in a year or so if you could have been happier.
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