The Common Misconceptions About Marriage Everyone Needs To Know

Marriage isn’t some fairy tale where you magically get your happily-ever-after. It’s wonderful, messy, and takes real work. Before you walk down the aisle, it’s important to ditch those unrealistic expectations. Here’s the truth about some common marriage myths that need busting. Forget the pressure to be perfect, and focus on building a relationship that’s real, honest, and way more fulfilling than anything those storybooks promised.

1. You’ll always be madly in love like you were at the beginning.

That honeymoon-phase rush is amazing, but let’s be real, it’s not sustainable forever, as Verywell Mind points out. Love in a long-term marriage isn’t all fireworks and butterflies. It becomes deeper, more comfortable – think of it like your favorite well-worn t-shirt. Some days, you’ll still get that heart-pounding feeling, and other days it’s more about the cozy companionship. Both are totally normal and part of a healthy relationship!

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2. Once you’re married, the problems disappear.

Nope, sorry to burst your bubble! Problems don’t magically vanish when you say “I do.” They just change. Instead of freaking out about rent, you’ll be freaking out together trying to assemble furniture with confusing instructions. It’s a different kind of stress, but facing it as a team makes it way more manageable, and honestly, even kinda fun sometimes.

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3. You’ll always agree on everything.

If you find a couple who never disagrees, chances are, one of them is secretly miserable. Healthy marriages have conflict – it’s totally normal! The key is not in magically becoming identical people after the wedding, but in learning how to argue respectfully, listen to each other, and find compromises you can both live with.

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4. You have to change your partner to make things work.

Trying to “fix” your spouse is a recipe for disaster. You married them the way they are, flaws and all. Sure, encourage them to grow and be their best selves, but don’t expect a total personality overhaul. If their snoring drives you crazy, invest in earplugs – it’s way easier than trying to change their natural sleep patterns!

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5. Having kids will make your marriage stronger.

couple in bed with kids jumping

Kids add a whole new layer of love, but also a whole new level of chaos! Marriages need a strong foundation before tiny humans enter the picture, or things get rocky. Sleepless nights, tantrums, and the sheer exhaustion can put a strain on even the strongest relationships. So, focus on building that rock-solid bond with your partner before jumping into parenthood.

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6. A good sex life just happens naturally.

Effort matters, especially after being together for a while, notes. Keeping that spark alive takes intentionality, especially once life gets busy. Get creative, be open about your desires, and don’t let intimacy fall to the bottom of the to-do list. Sometimes, you might even have to schedule in some “Netflix and extra chill” time, and that’s totally okay!

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7. If you fight, your marriage is doomed.

All couples fight, it’s how you fight that matters. Do you argue with respect, aiming to find a solution, or do you just try to win, even if it means saying hurtful things? Learning how to disagree productively is a skill that takes time, so don’t panic if things get heated occasionally. Focus on apologizing sincerely and moving on, not holding grudges.

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8. Jealousy is a sign of how much you love your partner.

Nope, it’s usually a sign of insecurity. A healthy marriage thrives on trust, not controlling behavior or feeling panicked about your partner’s every interaction. It’s okay to feel a fleeting twinge of jealousy sometimes, but if you’re constantly snooping or feeling suspicious, that’s something to talk about openly and honestly.

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9. You’ll never be attracted to anyone else.

Crushes can happen, even when you’re totally committed. It’s how you handle those feelings that matters. Do you acknowledge the fleeting attraction and move on, or do you dwell on it, wishing your life were different? Remember, attraction can flicker, but true commitment means always choosing your partner at the end of the day.

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10. Your spouse should meet all your emotional needs.

Nope, no one person can be your everything! Nurture friendships, explore hobbies, and have interests outside your marriage. Putting all the pressure on your spouse to fulfill every possible need of yours is a recipe for burnout and resentment.

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11. Marriage is the ultimate goal for everyone.

Newsflash: it’s not! Some people are way happier single, while others find fulfillment in different types of partnerships. There’s no single “right” way to live your life. Focus on what sparks joy and makes you feel fulfilled, regardless of what society might say.

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12. Romance should be spontaneous and effortless.

Sometimes, it is! But let’s be real, life gets in the way. Work, chores, maybe kids… those things aren’t exactly oozing romance. To keep the spark alive, sometimes you have to schedule date nights, make time for those little gestures, and prioritize romance even when you’re feeling exhausted.

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13. If it’s true love, it’ll never be hard work.

Love itself might feel effortless, but maintaining a great marriage takes work. Think of it like a garden – it needs regular watering, weeding, and tending to thrive. Communication, compromise, navigating difficulties together – those are all work, and totally worth the effort for a healthy, loving relationship.

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14. Soulmates are a real thing.

The idea of one perfect person out there just for you sounds romantic, but it sets unrealistic expectations. Great marriages are built between two flawed but compatible people who choose each other over and over again, through thick and thin. It’s way more realistic (and honestly, way more meaningful!)

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15. Once you’re married, you never have to grow as a person.

Personal growth is key to a thriving marriage! Becoming stagnant over the years can lead to resentment and a sense of disconnection. Explore new hobbies, keep learning new things, and support your partner’s growth too. Growing together helps you stay connected and keeps things exciting.

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16. If you’re truly happy, you’ll never doubt your decision to marry.

Everyone has moments of doubt, especially during tough times. It doesn’t mean your marriage is in trouble! Doubt can actually be a chance to reflect on your relationship and recommit with a deeper awareness. If you work through those moments together, it can make your bond even stronger.

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Brad grew up in St. Louis and moved to California to attend Berkeley College of Music, where he graduated with a bachelor's degree in Music Production and Engineering. He still plays in a band on the weekend and during the week does a lot of writing and coffee-making to pay the bills. He's also been married for 7 years now, so he figures he must be doing something right.