Things People Say When They’ve Checked Out of a Relationship

Things People Say When They’ve Checked Out of a Relationship

Emotional distance can be hard to pinpoint. It’s those small shifts in communication that reveal someone’s heart might not be in it anymore. From subtle changes to blatant disrespect, here are the phrases to watch out for when a partner is mentally and emotionally checked out.

1. “Whatever you want.”

Indifference is a powerful sign of disconnection, Psychology Today points out. If your partner constantly responds this way, especially regarding decisions that affect you both, it could be a sign they’ve stopped being invested in the relationship. A lack of enthusiasm or a refusal to share their own opinions suggests they just don’t care enough to make an effort anymore.

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2. “Don’t worry about it.”

This seemingly harmless phrase can actually be a way to brush aside your concerns. If it feels like your partner is minimizing your attempts to communicate or resolve issues, it suggests they’re no longer interested in putting in the effort. It’s one thing to reassure you about a minor problem, but constant dismissal of your feelings is a major red flag.

3. “I was just kidding!”

When someone repeatedly dismisses their hurtful words as “jokes,” it’s a red flag. This tactic minimizes your feelings and suggests they don’t care about the impact their words have on you. Healthy relationships include playful teasing, but there’s a line between good-natured ribbing and using “just kidding” as a shield for mean-spirited comments.

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4. “If you loved me, you would…”

Turning love into a weapon of manipulation is a sign of a toxic and disengaged partner. Real love shouldn’t come with conditions or ultimatums. It’s emotionally unhealthy to feel like you constantly have to earn or prove your worthiness within your relationship.

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5. “You’re too sensitive.”

Belittling your emotions is a common way to deflect responsibility. It’s also a sign your partner is gaslighting you, Verywell Mind reveals. If your partner refuses to acknowledge how their actions make you feel, it’s a sign they’re not prioritizing your emotional well-being. Everyone is entitled to feel their feelings, and a healthy partner should be supportive, not dismissive.

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6. “I’m too busy.”

Everyone gets busy, but consistent unavailability can signal a change in priorities. If your partner seems perpetually unavailable to spend time together or discuss important issues, it could be a sign they’re avoiding deeper connection. While it’s important to have a life outside the relationship, a checked-out partner might be using “busy” as an excuse.

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7. “You always…” or “You never…”

Sweeping generalizations like these create a no-win situation and reveal an unwillingness to see your perspective. When someone resorts to this kind of language, it suggests they’ve stopped seeing you as a complex individual. These blanket statements are rarely accurate, and they shut down productive communication.

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8. “Why can’t you be more like…”

Comparison is harmful, especially when directed at your partner within the context of your relationship, PsychAlive confirms. This sort of comment shows a lack of acceptance for who you are and could suggest they’re mentally picturing themselves with someone else. Healthy relationships allow for individuality and growth, not pressure to fit a certain mold.

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9. “I don’t have time for this.”

Refusing to engage in difficult conversations shows disinterest in conflict resolution. Healthy relationships require open communication, even when things get uncomfortable. While choosing the right moment for a serious talk is important, repeated avoidance signals that your partner would rather not deal with anything that requires effort.

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10. “I can’t talk about this right now.”

Important conversations might require timing, but perpetual avoidance signals that your concerns aren’t a priority. If they’re constantly unavailable to discuss things that matter, it can feel emotionally isolating. It’s one thing to postpone a talk until you’re both less stressed, but very different if there never seems to be a “right time.”

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11. “That didn’t happen.”

Gaslighting, or trying to make you question your own reality, is manipulative and damaging. This kind of behavior shows a fundamental lack of respect and a disregard for your perspective. Distorting your memories is a serious red flag, and suggests they’re not committed to honesty within the relationship.

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12. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

Mature married couple fighting, blaming and accusing each other, having relationship problem at home. Middle-aged man and his wife on verge of divorce or separation, arguing indoors

Blaming you for misinterpreting their words deflects responsibility. It’s more important to focus on the impact of what’s said, not just the intent, and a checked-out partner might not care about that impact. Healthy communication means taking ownership of your words, even if you didn’t mean them maliciously.

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13. “Fine.”

unhappy female friends sitting on couches

This one-word response conveys resentment and dismissiveness. It shows a lack of willingness to engage in conversation or compromise. Grudgingly giving in without actual discussion doesn’t resolve any issues, and can create a simmering atmosphere of dissatisfaction.

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14. Silence

bored couple sitting on couch together

The silent treatment is a manipulative tactic designed to control and punish. Stonewalling communication indicates an unwillingness to work through problems together. Silence can be a way to collect your thoughts during an argument, but when used habitually, it’s incredibly damaging to your connection.

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15. “I don’t care.”

Apathy towards your feelings, your day, or your life together is a significant sign of emotional withdrawal. If your partner exhibits consistent disinterest, it’s likely the relationship is no longer fulfilling for them. Every relationship has ups and downs, but a total lack of caring is a clear sign someone has checked out.

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16. They talk more about you than to you.

If it feels like you’re discussed in the third person, even when you’re present, it’s a worrying sign. It suggests a lack of respect, and they’ve mentally separated themselves from you. Discussing relationship matters with friends and family can be healthy, but talking about you behind your back suggests they’ve distanced themselves emotionally.

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17. “I need some space.”

Conflict, upset and couple fighting on a sofa for toxic, cheating or relationship breakup. Upset, problem and frustrated young man and woman in an argument together in the living room of their home.

While needing space in a relationship can be healthy, using this phrase without a clear timeline or plan for reconnection can be a way to initiate a gradual breakup. Sometimes “space” is genuine, but be wary if it comes with vague promises of contacting you “later” without any commitment to reconnect.

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18. “Can we talk about this later?”

Procrastination on important, recurring issues shows avoidance. Sometimes “later” never comes, and it signals your partner is not ready to face the problems in the relationship. While some topics are better discussed when you’re both calm, a partner who’s unwilling to address problems at all is a partner who’s likely checked out.

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Piper Ryan is a NYC-based writer and matchmaker who works to bring millennials who are sick of dating apps and the bar scene together in an organic and efficient way. To date, she's paired up more than 120 couples, many of whom have gone on to get married. Her work has been highlighted in The New York Times, Time Out New York, The Cut, and many more.

In addition to runnnig her own business, Piper is passionate about charity work, advocating for vulnerable women and children in her local area and across the country. She is currently working on her first book, a non-fiction collection of stories focusing on female empowerment.
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